On the surface, we never know what a person is going through. The person with who appears to have it all, may indeed struggle.  We often don't take the time to ask someone how they are doing or feeling, or if we do we may not truly listen to their reply. We may hear what we want to hear.

As widow/ers, we are judged. Our friends, coworkers, and even family may try…

Waiting.

Wishing.

Realizing.

Negotiating.

Lately, I feel like I am just waiting. Waiting to see what will happen next. Waiting in line for my turn. Waiting for the good news. Waiting to dream. Each day goes by so quickly, and the week is through. Before I know it another month has passed, then the year is new. I am waiting to see the path…

I realized today that I really suck at make decisions on my own.  I can’t just speak out “YES” or “NO” without seeking further input on a decision.  Maybe it’s because I’ve been known to be too spontaneous for my own good.  Or because I’m fearful that I’ll make the wrong decision, so at least I can fall back on the others and feel that I sought out all the information I could at the time.

As I emailed friends and family this morning about the overwhelming feelings I have about working…

My 14 year old's English class was reading the book "Tears of a Tiger".  This assignment had required daily reading along with journaling.  He wasn't doing his work, the teacher and I corresponded frequently and I was so upset that he wasn't doing his English work and putting it off, like he didn't care and wasn't being responsible. It's the end of the trimester this week and his current grade is an "F"!!! I was really mad at him. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and cut him some…

For some reason, I’ve been teary eyed or crying all day today.  Usually when I’m at work I can control my tears to some extent but it was almost impossible today.  I don’t know if it was because it’s 7 weeks or what.  That September day has been running over and over in my head all day long so I decided to write it down.

Because of the brain cancer, Tom had been on steroids for a long time.  The steroids completely destroyed his muscles, especially his leg muscles. …

I'm trying to write down details about my wife, our life together, and her death and its aftermath because I hope this will help me grieve and I don't want her and these events to fade completely from memory.

It was a normal day. I got the kids up for school. Got my wife up (she had MS and needed help), kissed her and left for work. Actually I didn't just kiss her, we had sex, but it's not terribly relevant, or maybe it is? I don't know. It's not a bad last…

A friend on Twitter posted this tweet this morning “It’s amazing just how restorative and re-centering a long weekend can be.”  I think the exact opposite.

I knew this weekend would be busy.  I knew I’d have 2 days of semi-rest and relaxation and 2 days of insanity.  What I didn’t know (can’t you hear the “dun dun dunnnnn” music right now?!) is all the lovely extras that would come with it.  Like what a phone call from my mother in…

What a weekend...

This past 2 days been very busy and fun time for me. I told myself I need a break and indulge myself and not take responsible of what the day may bring. I was so depress on Friday and I finally decide to do a mini vacation for myself in Vancouver.  I woke up in the morning at 8:30 then went down to JJ Beans for coffee and  a Pumpkin Apple Muffin. I met up with my dance classmate and proceed with the…

Am I truly a widow             Robin                     11/30/2007         Rob

Bad Ass Widow                   Amy                        6/17/2009           Keith

Barb                                 Barb                       01/10/2011         Rich…

Se*man*tics (noun) 1. the study of meaning in language – the study of how meaning in language is created by the use and interrelationships of words, phrases, and sentences.

There are words in our language that are so well known we don’t have to define them to anyone when we speak.  When I say, husband, wife, significant other, love interest, boyfriend, girlfriend, and even widow, people know what I mean.  We know that these words define relationships for us.  We know that these words…

here is the latest entry on my blog...(click link below)

while the holidays are difficult for most of us, i hope that each of you found a moment in the last days, that made you smile and feel the love that you shared with your partner. Blessings.

<3 deb

Nov 26: we may feel as if we are on this journey alone, but…

Saturday's blog post...…

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances;

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (ESV)

This time of the year, people create lists of what they are thankful for, and/ or maybe they share what they are thankful as they are gathered with loved ones for Thanksgiving.

Last year, I almost wrote a blog about what I…

Hi fellow friends at Widow Village

First I want to thank all who have helped me and listened to the many nights of crying, and hurting.  I dont know what I would have done without being able to come here.  I quit calling my personal friends because they could not help - but you people let me lean on you and gain from your strength and experiences and pain in your own hearts.  I met, liked, laughed and learned from so many of you.  My life is going well right now.  I am seeing a nice…

This is how I feel today.  My whole body felt sore with slight headach when I woke up.  I think maybe attending the Bereavement group and hearing our…

I am truly thankful for this Thanksgiving.  Yesterday was the 3rd Thanksgiving Day without Walter.  The first year was so painful because our friends who had made a tradition of having Thanksgiving with us for more than 10 years opted not to come that year and shared the day with another family instead.  I was so hurt because I really wanted them to come so that I could pretend that everything could still be normal and because I needed their support.  My friend wanted to come but she was out…

 Hi,  Here is my story.  My husband of 20 years was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer on April 1, 2009.  Great joke huh?  It had already travelled to both his lungs, his liver and his bones.  He died 2 1/2 months later on June 17th, 2009.  It all started in March when he began complaining of leg and butt pain.  Everyone assumed it was sciatic nerve. After 3 ER visits, a visit to the chiropracter and about 200 vicoden later I demanded an MRI. WHAM.  I was at work when they got the results…

It is all Before and After to me now.  Before, I used to cook every year on Thanksgiving... for the past two years After, I didn't.  Instead, we were guests, so appreciative of the support.. and of the minimal requirements other than showing up.  I'm cooking again now.  The turkey is in the oven, vegetables are roasted, awaiting their side dishes, and I'm happy today.  I'm so relieved my mother-in-law is getting better after her stroke.  I'm happy to have spoken with my sister-in-law last…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXDMoiEkyuQ&feature=player_embedded

“You think this is just another day in your life. It’s not just another day. It’s the one day that is given to you.

Today.

It is given to you. It is a gift. It is the only gift that you have right now and the only appropriate response is gratefulness.

If you do nothing…