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November 2014 Blog Posts (17)

Hornet on Becoming a Dream

A WV friend sent an email to check up on those of us who joined this club in 2013.


She wrote ”Its strange that sometimes it all seems so far away - and I wonder did I really live with this lovely man? The many photos say so.... but it is like a dream.”


How incredibly, horribly true.


I’ve done the same thing…flipping through…


Added by Hornet (Cindy) on November 28, 2014 at 3:07pm — 5 Comments

Thanksgiving to Thanksgetting

We survived Thanksgiving.

We made a different decision...decided to spend it with friends we adore like family. We spent the day at the Masonic Lodge in service to those who serve us...40+ sailors from the Great Lakes Naval Station. My husband John started this with his amazing friend Todd a few years ago as a service event for the Lodge and it has grown every year.

It is a full day of events...we pick up the sailors in buses early in the morning and bring them to the… Continue

Added by Lakelady on November 27, 2014 at 6:00pm — No Comments

These last 10 Hours

These last 10 hours I've been by myself which is a good thing. I will be joining family and friends for Thanksgiving meals today and tomorrow. Last night I went out for sushi, one of our favorite meals. Dedicated the meal to Cindy, toasted her and had her photo in front of me at the sushi bar. 

I've been focused on Cindy. Thinking about her. Thinking about our life together. Feeling her. It's been emotional, which is a good thing. Feeling so much gratitude.

I am…


Added by Mac on November 27, 2014 at 11:30am — No Comments

My Birthday Wish Forever

I turned 43.  It was the second birthday without you.  It was as hard as the first.  We had a party. We went dancing.

It was was really nice but it still stung.  It still hurt.  They played a few of your songs and I had to walk out. I didn't want to bring the crowd down.  Every time for the rest of my life, when I blow out my birthday candles and make a birthday will always be that I wish you were here.  You were such a pain in the ass but you made me feel so…


Added by smp1122 on November 24, 2014 at 6:50am — No Comments

I wish....

If I were to be given a wish tonight,to be able to build that wish into reality, Ray would still be here.  We would be sitting beside a stream in a place called Childowlah, we would have a large two room tent, a generator for lights and refrigeration and a big trailer attached to an SUV.  I know Ray would probably be ready for bed by now as he was always asleep by this time of night and he would say goodnight and maybe drop a kiss on the top of my head as he passed. I would be sitting…


Added by only1sue on November 23, 2014 at 1:30am — 2 Comments



"Any day now I will hear you say 'Goodbye, my love'

And you'll be on your way

Then my wild beautiful bird, you will have flown, oh,

Any day now I'll be all alone,

'cause you won't be around



Added by hendrixx2 on November 21, 2014 at 2:30pm — 5 Comments

I'm just sad today, like every other day. It's been about 6 1/2 months, closer to 7, that my husband passed away. I really need him right now i feel like-i'm so sad he's not here with me. I have his …

I'm just sad today, like every other day. It's been about 6 1/2 months, closer to 7, that my husband passed away. I really need him right now i feel like-i'm so sad he's not here with me. I have his pictures to remind me of the good person that he was. I'm glad we were able to tell each other that we loved each other before he passed.  He died of Cancer. We were married 17 years. It wasn't all smooth sailing w/our relationship or financials or any of that, but he…


Added by littlelamb on November 19, 2014 at 11:06am — No Comments


I am skipping Thanksgiving-so shoot me :-)

We loved this holiday in prior years....we enjoyed it with my family or in the past few years, we traveled. It was wonderful and filled with memories.

Last year and this year....not so much. This year, my sister can't host the meal-illness with her inlaws prevents that. My husband was estranged from his parents for good reason...sometimes you have to sever or suspend a toxic relationship to ensure your own "oxygen mask" stays in… Continue

Added by Lakelady on November 19, 2014 at 3:45am — 2 Comments

Some Thoughts At Twenty Nine Months

Before I was married I traveled to many places, usually traveling alone by choice.  I wanted to be able to experience the adventures by myself, unhindered by a friend or companion. Able to do whatever I wanted on the fly. Able to meet people and to spend time with them along the way. Cindy was the same way, as much as was safe. We both were very strong and somewhat self-sufficient individuals. When we became a couple it was amazing. We traveled the world together and both thrived on…


Added by Mac on November 18, 2014 at 11:00am — No Comments

My New Normal

So, here I am, back single again.  My husband passed away on August 24th.  This is my new normal: Living my life without the love of my life.  Truthfully, I've done fairly well.  I haven't totally lost it and curled up in a ball and not left my bed for days, though I would like to.  Some part of me will not allow it.  I don't know if I'm headed in that direction or what.  When I think about it, I wonder to myself why I don't just let go.  Why am I not wallowing in self pity, laying in my…


Added by Mel5BradyO on November 17, 2014 at 6:29am — 3 Comments

Puppies and Grieving

Weird title, right?

So let me tell you how puppies and grieving go together. At least for our family.  Last year someone tried to give us a puppy. A kind, generous offer from a family friend who is a breeder and can get big bucks for these dogs.  A puppy?!?  Last year, I didn’t even want to be given a freaking plant. I did not want to care for another living creature as I felt like I was getting the stuffing kicked out of me just trying to take care of what already existed in our…


Added by MissingRKK on November 14, 2014 at 6:14am — 5 Comments

Slowly, Slowly, Slowly Goes The Widow

I’ve been filling in at the library I worked at when John died these last few weeks and it has been a good change of pace for me. It’s been good to see co-workers I didn’t realize I missed as much as I do, and to do work that feels important and feeds the greater good. All in all I’ve been happy that I’ve stepped back into the environment I abruptly left after John died, but it hasn’t been without it’s challenges or insights. 

Because the public library is exactly that…


Added by flannery on November 13, 2014 at 1:30pm — 2 Comments

It brings me to tears sometimes that friends just don't understand.

I was talking to a friend tonight and just about burst into tears, something I have not done for a while. She said she was pleased things were working out so well for me! I had to excuse myself because her cheerfulness and my loneliness just didn't mesh. I know it is silly to terminate a call when I want so much to talk to someone but it does have to be someone who will understand.

I know I do sound cheerful on the phone and even on Facebook I only post the highlights of the week so…


Added by only1sue on November 13, 2014 at 4:30am — 3 Comments

Pictures. I love them, I hate them!

When I first lost my wife I collected all the pictures I could find of her and put them on my iPhone so that I would have her close to me in case I needed to be with her. Then I went to the picture store and made copies and blew them up with frames so that I could hang them on the walls in my room. I just wanted to be surrounded by her. Many times I would go through my collection of her pictures one by one. After some time I started to build a resentment to these pictures. I started to hate… Continue

Added by Mo on November 9, 2014 at 6:33am — 3 Comments

Up all night

I've been up since 1:30, and lying here till 5:30. It just occurred to me that I haven't really thought about my wife or the fact that I'm the only one in this bed throughout this whole time. This must be a good sign. I'm actually feeling quite normal. So often these times would be seen as lonely times for me. I don't know if I'm just getting used to being alone or what. I'm feeling like I can think about my wife and not get depressed about it.

I've tried to make thoughts of my wife… Continue

Added by Mo on November 8, 2014 at 2:53am — 1 Comment

Are You ok?

My new boyfriend has begun to sleep over some nights.  He says to me...every time I move you jump and ask "am I ok?". He says I am not even awake but I ask it every single time.

I have tried to explain that I was a caretaker for many years.  Gary was sick alot at night, had alot of accidents.  He tried to clean them up himself out of pride and embarrassment but as a caretaker you can sense something is wrong.  How many nights did I wake up to him sobbing, embarrassed and helpless.  I…


Added by smp1122 on November 6, 2014 at 11:57am — 4 Comments

The "D" Word, An Impolite Reality

While finishing up with my attorney last week, having FINALLY gotten around to having a will drawn up, the attorney, a friend of mine, stopped purposely and stared at me. She seemed somewhat puzzled, and not uncomfortable, but hesitant. After a moment she said to me, “In all the years I have been a practicing probate attorney no one has ever sat across from me and used the…


Added by flannery on November 4, 2014 at 6:30am — 4 Comments

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