After Laura passed on 7/15/14, I now had to do everything myself. There was no one preparing a meal while I was outdoors working. There was no one to talk to at mealtime anymore. All of a sudden I felt vulnerable. If we had a problem to solve, we would put our heads together to figure out a solution. Two heads are always better than one. Now it's just me, to figure it all out by myself.
I hiked alone on our familiar trails in quiet contemplation and meditation. I stood by the wood…Continue
I Know You By Heart - Eva Cassidy
The First? Well…there are no words for it. Horrible? Yes. Heart-breaking? Yes. And so much more.
The Second? Numb. Going through the motions. Quiet. Horrible. Heart-breaking. Yes…and more.
The Third started out to be the same as The Second…but something softly turned.
Let's see... I am 4 years, 10 months out and this will be my 5th Christmas/5th New year without my beloved Husband of 27 years upto when he passed, but 32 years to date.
I find the winter holidays irritating now, sorry to say it, but without my Hubby, things irritate me, and the holidays do this to me even more so. Yes, i realize the meaning of Xmas, a time for peace and joy. And I am blessed with having my 2 Grandsons close by, ages 9 and barely 9. But ...... The togetherness of…Continue
On December 2, 2015, I woke up from a vivid dream regarding my wife who passed away from brain cancer on July 15, 2014, just six weeks after diagnosis. I wrote this immediately upon awakening on the morning of December 2.
It Was Like A Dream
I used to date Laura Maybury
We had great times together
We shared our love and intimacy
I loved her dearly, yes I did
I don't know what happened
Did I say something to offend…Continue
I went back to work pretty quickly after Michael died...took off about 2.5 weeks. I needed the normalcy somewhere and I needed to show my kids that life will indeed continue on. This week, I went in on Monday and realized that I needed time off to just be. I visited Michael's burial site, a beautiful,natural wooded area across from the Monastery. It was so peaceful and beautiful yet so very sad. I have run errands, sat and stared into space, shopped, cried and read. I am so tired of grief…Continue
As we all know, the holidays are extremely difficult for us - regardless of if it has been 1 day, 1 month, 1 year or 1 decade....or more. I find myself considering other's feelings and the appropriateness of my actions frequently around this time. I would never intentionally hurt anyone's feelings. Let me rephrase that... I would never intentionally hurt another's feelings for no reason. I certainly wouldn't disrespect them. I try to be considerate of others regardless of the difficulty…Continue
This has been an interesting year for me. I am finally able to think straight or I thought I was able to until I bought into a couple of relationships that I now see as toxic. I am one of those people who accept everyone at face value. If you come up to me , smile and say: "I am pleased to meet you." I will be pleased to meet you too. But not all people improve with getting to know them better. I have found out that a couple of my acquaintances really are sweet to me so I can do them…Continue
Its been awhile since I have been on WV. My Friend Arnie remarried Congrates wish the two of you the best.
I had Met my late wife Patricia on the internet, and figured I try some of the dating websites. with no so good luck as Im not a loaner.
Last ditch I went to the same site I met Patricia figuring Well that site worked Once what are the chances of twice?
On the last day of my subscription. I get a hit from a woman 4 years younger than I am
I've written and shared a lot throughout my husband's illness and death; I've shared a lot on my personal blog and my husband's caring bridge site. I just wanted to share this post here. It is probably my favorite thing I've written. As an assignment, I was asked to write an answer to the question "What is Love". Obviously,being a widow, I have a unique perspective. I wrote it as though it were a letter to my daughter.
The original post can be found here: …Continue
I glanced at the book Small Victories by Anne Lamont today and as I was getting ready to place it on a cart to be re-shelved a small voice inside said, ‘read this.’ I’m trying hard to listen to that voice and so I curiously opened it directly to a page where author Anne Lamont is recalling spreading her friend’s ashes.
This caught my attention fast. I still have most of John’s ashes except a few cups I released into Lake Michigan last year. I often think of releasing what is…Continue
Christmas Eve 6 months after Cindy passed, I was in my bedroom playing Nothing Compares 2U by Sinéad O Connor over and over again, sobbing all the time. My daughter asked me: “Dad, why are you doing that to yourself?” My response: “Because, I need to.” My children did get to enjoy Christmas with Cindy’s family.
The second Christmas was slightly better, but I was pretty apathetic about any celebrating. Certainly much emotion and missing…
If you knew MD, you knew a life lived wide open. He loved deeply and passionately with all of his heart and soul. He held onto the memories of his life and relived them with others vicariously.
I miss my husband deeply, in a place deep down inside that grew out of our great love. He balanced me and showed me a love and family that I only dreamed of. I always thought we would grow old together…we had a million tomorrows…we had plans!
As more time has passed since M's…Continue
I'm not much good at this dating game. I haven't really dated much at all. I have had a few lunches out with men, I suppose I would call one or two of them dates as I think that was the reason I was asked out, as a sort of first step in what might have lead to dating. A couple of the people I went out with belonged to an organisation I am in, one was disabled and I think was looking for a carer more than a companion or wife. I seem to go on one date and immediately think "not for…Continue