The year 2016 is widely reviled as the year that took many famous people like David Bowie, Prince, Gene Wilder, and Carrie Fisher. But to me 2016 will always be the year that took my beloved husband from me and cheated me out of many happy years together. He wasn’t famous, but he was the light of my…Continue
My book Please Bring Soup To Comfort Me While I Grieve covered a two year timeline after the loss of my dad and my husband two weeks apart in September of 2011.
As I navigate the five year anniversary, I thought I would write about where I am today in my grief journey.
Before you experience profound loss, you have no idea where your path will take you. You cannot predict how you will feel as the years go by. It is hard for me to believe it has been…Continue
Added by The Hungover Widow on December 30, 2016 at 9:12am — No Comments
... Well, God decided otherwise. I have fallen off the edge. I haven't been to this site in weeks. Everyday, I told myself to come here and just vent, but I couldn't. My stubbornness took over. Well, this would've been our first Christmas together as husband and wife. God said no. I don't know why he said no, but he did. I miss him so much. I was at the store the other day looking through the aisles for simple bare necessities and kept seeing things that John would want me to buy or make and…Continue
Every year, I stay up over the night of the Winter Solstice. I stay up all night, and then I go outside and watch the sun rise the next morning. It's a symbol. It means, to me, that no matter how dark it gets, no matter how long, I'll be there. I'll be watching over everyone, and I'll make sure that somehow, the light comes back.
This year, I didn't.
I thought about it. And then I realized my heart wasn't there. I was tired, and more than physically.…Continue
Added by Stuckinbetween on December 22, 2016 at 3:13pm — No Comments
"It's going to be a life-long thing." -Lupe's husband
"Like you're never a recovered widow, you're always recovering." -BabushkaD
"Exactly." -Lupe's husband.
Oh how I hate answering that question. There are no easy answers. People usually want to hear the usual, “I’m fine,” and move on to other topics. But I’m not fine. Life is NOT fine. How do I say that 3 months after my husband died, I still spend time nearly each day curled up in a ball on the floor? How do I say that I don’t see how I can go on?…Continue
The song in my spirit drowned out by my tears,
Looking behind at the grief of the years,
Looking around, but I’m blinded by fear,
Looking ahead, but I’m missing you dear.
Mad as a hornet tonight. Just one of those days when the world conspires again me as a widow. Nothing special just a whole lot of different people saying : "when we have the family over..." or "my husband and I always" or just making a few disparaging remarks about their husbands wno they have left at home mowing the lawns etc. I want my husband back, I want to be part of a couple, I want to be able to say "my husband a nd I" or "guess what he did?" I want to not feel left out of the…Continue
Well, I finally got one of my husbands' death certificates when I received his ashes...
I called the Social Security office to only run into a brick wall. I'm not eligible to receive any benefits of any kind. According to them, we weren't married long enough. I don't see how the length of our marriage mattered, but apparently, it does. The way the state sees it, I'm not worth helping out. Idk. I'm still searching for work, but nothing has caught on yet. I was so devastated this…Continue
The one thing about death is that it is final. There’s no going back, as much as I wish it were possible. No amount of wishing has yet brought Alan back. I keep trying, though. But I think I’m stuck with this unhappy reality, as much as I don’t like it.
But what does that…Continue
I told a friend of mine that I'd gotten the call to come get them. She offered to come with me, but I felt strong enough at the time. I figured I'd go get him and come on back home. I received him along with a death certificate. It was horrible. I got him back to the car, put him in the front seat and cried. I actually talked to his ashes. "We're gonna go home, Ok?" He didn't say anything. I don't even remember the drive back. I guess that was that Widow's Fog kicking in again. I just…Continue