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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

All Blog Posts (4,282)

Mending Broken

I cry at the laughter

I laugh through the tears

I dance with the sobs

Counting minutes,  missing years…



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Added by Mrs Bear on June 14, 2018 at 12:33am — 1 Comment

Infinity and beyond

I love you through my pain

I love you through my loss

I love you through the tears

I'll love you still, through our lost years

You loved me when I couldn't

You loved me when I wouldn't…

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Added by Mrs Bear on June 12, 2018 at 8:54pm — 4 Comments

From Mourning to Joy....

      

     

….that is the title of a well known grief support seminar series.  A well thought out, well researched, well constructed and, most of all, well intentioned series of videos.

 

    From Mourning to Joy…..

 …

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Added by MartyG (ver. 2.0) on June 9, 2018 at 3:00am — 4 Comments

We are called survivors

I've been thinking about the word survivor and why it's what we are called. 



Last night I had a very scary medical drama, (I'm fine) but this morning I woke up and thought about it a little bit.  My first thought was, "Well now I've survived my first serious health scare without my sweet Jerry."  I am rocking or maybe I should say wobbling though widdahood.  I've "survived" though a plethora of minor catastrophes, okay so maybe they were just household upheavals but anyway, I…

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on June 6, 2018 at 8:00am — 12 Comments

feeling small

During a regular old average conversation last week in the chat room, we talked about "happy places".  It was then that I realized, my happy place is gone.  Jerry's arms have always been my refuge, my delight, my happy place.  Since that conversation, I've been feeling small and a little bit lost.  Unsheltered, unrested, and undone!  Perhaps it's because the 6-month mark is approaching.   I'm not sure how, as time seems to be altered to me.  Jerry died, yesterday, last week, last night and 5…

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on June 1, 2018 at 2:42pm — 3 Comments

Tough days

Does this ever get easier or do you ever find yourself again?  I feel as the anniversary of Kenny's death approaches that I feel more and more alone even when there are others around.  Maybe I'm being self-centered...I don't know but I feel I've lost not only him but myself and my happiness.  As this day approaches next month I feel the heaviness in my chest and the dread of reliving the dreadful day. 

Tammara

Added by Kenneth1! on May 29, 2018 at 6:31am — 5 Comments

A week after Mother's Day

I was alone for Mother's Day but did get the texts from my sons and a phone call from my daughter and spoke to both of her children so I was okay. Ray never made much of Mother's Day , I was the one who bought the presents for us all and nice cards for our Mums so my boys followed him in that. Boys need a good example to be set for them.  It was one of his failings I guess that he didn't see the example he was setting.  He always said he showed he cared by the way he worked for us not by the…

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Added by only1sue on May 17, 2018 at 2:00am — 5 Comments

Long Live Love

It's been 5 long hard months since the day my sweet, wild, and wonderful Jerry passed away. It's been a real struggle to grow, and keep learning. Sometimes, I pushed myself, sometimes others have pushed me. Then there were the times when I threw in the towel and just had a bad day! Grief is hard work and it's taken me on one helluva ride. (Okay, stop I'd like to get off here.)....

Unfortunately, getting off isn't an option. I loved hard, therefore I grieve hard. I wouldn't change a…

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on May 14, 2018 at 3:23pm — 4 Comments

Triggered

I hate when memories sneak up on you. Days you should remember, days that should stick out, somehow get lost in the shuffle of grief and sneak up on you unawares. I'm a Millenial, so of course it was Facebook that reminded me this morning: 4 years ago Debbie & Shane Got Engaged! The post showed photos we were tagged in together--a glimpse into our relationship...from wedding photos, to a photo of his urn with our wedding rings on top of it and a picture of us kissing in the background. I…

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Added by BabushkaD (Debbie) on May 10, 2018 at 9:02pm — 6 Comments

IDENTITY?

In reflecting back a decade ago when I became a widow, there was much confusion about the meaning of "identity". There was a particular word that caused many flame wars, it was the word "independent". Many widows were hurt by it, they felt condescended &/or dismissed. Their role as a housewife, mother or low wage employee was seemingly reduced - interpreted as being a dependent similar to a child. Their love for their spouse that him/her happy & safe as well other contributions were…

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Added by SweetMelissa2007 on May 10, 2018 at 9:33am — 2 Comments

Moving on...

It has been over five years since you left. In that time, I bought a house and sold it and moved again. I found a man who cares about me, and after we spent many months traveling across this nation, we decided to commit to a relationship. Most days life is wonderful and safe and comfortable again. There are some days -- and sleepless nights -- that still feel lonely and confusing. Today in my reading I found a sentence that helps me understand  this mish-mash of emotions: "…

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Added by barbee on May 3, 2018 at 2:05pm — 6 Comments

Clearly

Have you gotten to the point that you can see clearly?  Do you know what you need to do to march beyond the grief into a future that is full of mystery and possibilities, yet be afraid to make a move towards your goal?  



I'm at that point, I am so tired of living between worlds.  I'm tired of moods that change as easily as the tide.  However, to me, it seems it takes a whole bunch of courage to move into the great unknown.  I have never had the courage to really put myself out…

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on April 28, 2018 at 11:30am — 3 Comments

I'm a weather forecast and maybe a little bit crazy



It's been awhile since I've had anything to say.  Profound sadness has had me locked up in a choke hold.  I tend to retreat within myself during those times.  Like a clam closing, it's shell.  I'm feeling a little better, okay actually I'm feeling a lot better.  From somewhere in my little clam world the theme from Rocky begin playing on a loop in my head. …

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on April 22, 2018 at 6:55pm — 5 Comments

Doing better now

I read some of my blogs and it is obvious that I am not coping, sometimes I am a l little down, perhaps a bit sad and fragile. Well not this week. I have a six day visit from my younger son and his daughter,  my youngest grand daughter and the place was noisy, sometimes joyful, sometimes full of the drama five year olds generate. Never a dull moment. Plenty of activity, we visited four beaches in five days ( one day off because of rain) and as she lives in a dry town on the edge of the…

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Added by only1sue on April 20, 2018 at 5:30am — 2 Comments

Contradictions

It is funny the contradiction I have become.  I complain about routines being messed up or being painful, and wanting to change things up.  But then I want the routine to be there when I am ready for it.  Yesterday I found out that a restaurant my wife and I went to frequently was filing Chapter 11.  This place is one of the oldest memories I have of taking my wife to dinner.  Yes they are a chain but I was a student and could only afford so much.  I freaked out a little bit about this…

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Added by MidnightBear (Tony) on April 17, 2018 at 9:42am — 5 Comments

Painful...Routine

As the days, weeks, now months have slowly passed since my wife died, I had things I had to do. Busy work yes, but it wasn't something I had ever done before.  These required changes to my day.  Getting up early, contacting random companies and people, going out of my way.  It was torture but it kept things moving in a direction.  I now wish there was more I had to do that was required just to keep me busy. 

Unfortunately, just the other day I woke up, got myself ready in the morning…

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Added by MidnightBear (Tony) on April 13, 2018 at 3:33pm — 4 Comments

Home Alone

Gilbert died five months ago, and I'm beginning to realize that the Old Melissa died with him. Now I have to invent the New Melissa or allow her to surface; I'm not sure how it works.

It's so odd to suddenly not have a routine. I don't have to wear ear buds if I want to listen to music in bed late at night. The dog doesn't mind if it's noisy at 2:00 am. I can eat dinner at three in the afternoon or midnight and nobody cares. I don't have to cook for anybody…

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Added by Melissa on April 5, 2018 at 11:22am — 12 Comments

Lonely in a crowd

Today is Easter Saturday, fine and mild with an overcast sky first thing this morning though it has warmed up since then. Easter is another one of those family times so friends ask the widow: " Will you see your family over the weekend?" And the widow smiles and says nothing because what is there to say? Long gone are the days when the kids rang me to see what I was doing for the weekend. We had that when their Dad as alive but not now. Being Mum and Dad seems to be treated differently to…

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Added by only1sue on March 30, 2018 at 9:52pm — 7 Comments

Our Home

All these rooms contain your depth, your breath

Your thoughts on how they should look and feel

 

The wall unit you built in the dining room

Notwithstanding a few colorful adjectives

Prior to its completion

Filled to the brim with lovely memories

 

The kitchen you declared the best room in the house

The aroma of your cooking, your gift to many

The floor that the contractor said would be ready to dance on by the…

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Added by Tess on March 30, 2018 at 7:28am — 4 Comments

Getting what you ask for, only to find out it isn't what you want

As I started down this path of rebuilding my life without my wife, I had nothing but good intentions.  Clear up some things that needed to be done so that I didn't have to keep revisiting this chapter over and over again.  It seemed simple.  Change names on bank accounts, close out credit cards, update insurance policies.  I jumped into the financial morass quickly and with a fevered pitch.  Filing this or that.  Organizing what I had to do next was a way of compartmentalizing the thing I…

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Added by MidnightBear (Tony) on March 29, 2018 at 5:44am — 7 Comments

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