Last week I had my birthday. Next week it will be Sean's birthday. His first since he has been gone. Our birthdays are 13 days less than a year apart. So for 13 days we were the same age. Only this year, he wont be going ahead of me anymore. This year I get to be the same age as him for a whole year. Then next year, I will be older than he will ever be. Sean worked away a lot so not being present with each other on our actual birthdays was not unusual. I didn't really miss him as such on my…Continue
Progress has been very slow but as my husband always said, "It may be slow but it's progress as long as it's moving forward." Today I am waiting for the arrival of two tow trucks to pick up Bob's two vans. I'm donating them to a charity that uses the proceeds to fund the education of under privileged children. One is good for nothing but scrap, the other is old but runs fine. They're happy to get them and I will be happy to have them gone. Donating the vans is my first act of releasing…Continue
Almost three weeks ago I lost a man whom has been important in my life. He was the man I went out with in 2016.We had an argument and didn't see each other for some months but we moved in the same circles so decided that a cup of coffee in the shopping centre was okay maybe once a week. From there we built a strong friendship, resumed a meet up once a month at a couple of markets and generally supported each other. For that reason I have visited the hospital and helped his family work…Continue
I'm brand new here and making my first post. I lost my husband of 47 years two and a half months ago. He became ill and two weeks later spent a week in the hospital, was diagnosed with a perforated colon, renal failure and dementia and was given the shocking news that he had 10 days to live. I told the doctors not to let him know. I arranged hospice care to come a couple of times a week, took him home and took care of him. He was bedridden and unable to do…Continue
What has changed, what is still the same after six years? I still live in the same house with very few changes. I have changed the white goods as age took it's toll on them so new refrigerator, new freezer, soon to be new washing machine. I drive the same car, but that too needs changing. I think the biggest changes have been forced on me by my own health problems and probably the ageing process. I know now I could never keep up with all the things I could fit into a day six years ago. And…Continue
Today would have been our 11th Anniversary. I've been dreading this day all month. My emotions have been all over the place. The incredible sadness followed by the bittersweet joy of memories. The guilt.of...what ~ I'm not sure. The Love that still lingers... If I had know our times would be our last..I would have hugged them a little tighter..Loved them so much longer. This is my 3rd Anniversary without him. I like to think I'm making incredible progress being on my own. But my…Continue
I have 4 more years of school to go with the kids and then I am free to roam as Sean and I had planned to do. Only of course now, my plans, our plans, are all shot to pieces. Sean died and we never got to roam as we had planned. Do I go anyway, by myself? What will that look like? feel like? He was always saying "make memories"; "Live life" "travel the country" "see the world". We just never seemed to have the money to travel the world, but we did see a fair bit of…Continue
Sex - its a funny business; not just the mechanics of it. On one hand, it is the most intimate of all physical relationships possible. It is considered sacred in a committed relationship, and sex outside of marriage is often the catalyst for divorce. On the other, one night stands, booty calls, casual hook ups are considered normal among singles. I guess the two kind of balance each other out. Sex is a physical need and an emotional glue, (and of course a means to procreate). As…Continue
This is Steve again. In case you haven’t read my prior posts, I was partnered close to 31 years to a man I loved very much, mike, my best friend, partner in life. He passed in March of 09 from stage 4 cancer at 50 yrs old. I was 46 when he passed.
I am now 56 years old. I, as maybe many of you, have experienced a lot of loss. In the past 10 years, besides my partner, have had about 10 of our inner circle pass away as well. It’s really been a bizarre decade.…Continue
There is always something new to worry about. The news from the neurosurgeon was not good. The aneurysm is not operable so I live with it. I know that if I have a sharp pain in my head I have to ring an emergency ambulance. If I am driving I pull off the road and if I have time ring the ambulance. Sounds so simple doesn't it? Well that is one problem I hope not to face. In the meantime I am not to worry (easier said than done) and go on with my life. The good news from the appointment…Continue
I am sure we have all had that feeling, you gather your things to leave for the day and you get this feeling you forgot something. Sometimes you get to your destination only to find you really did forget something. You forgot you lunch at home, your cell phone on your couch, or ID on your night stand. And sometimes you never figure out what it was you thought you forgot. I got up this morning, got dressed and had breakfast. I made lunch and packed it into my bag. Threw on my shoes and…Continue
Today is my first wedding anniversary. Not just since my Marcus died in January... My first one EVER. He was killed one week shy of our four month wedding anniversary. I'm sad. Duh. But I can feel this molten lava-like anger building inside of me as the day continues. Anger isn't right... Fury is more like it. I want to scream. I want to go to the grain elevator and do damage. I want to kick someone. I'm just livid. I'm so broken today. Despite the efforts of my wonderful family to brighten…Continue
How was that even possible? I know better. I've been processing…Continue
I have what is described in Australia, as a king sized bed. I am not sure what that is in other countries, but it is the largest standard sized bed available here. My husband was tall so he preferred a large bed where he could spread out. We were never cuddle sleepers, preferring to have a cuddle, then retreat to our respective sides for sleep. This has resulted in two definite dips in the plush mattress topper. Since Sean died, I have been acutely aware of the size of the bed and that I am…Continue
After reading other tragic stories, and trying to make sense of my own story; I found a common thread. We all associate the day, time, what we we're doing, weather and so on with the day our live changed.
For me, I have realized I don’t remember what day it was. Or, if it was sunny, raining, or cloudy. all I remember are the numbers. All the numbing numbers. 115, 213, 217, 48, 70, 08, 09, 3, 8 10 31and 6 11 18. Just a bunch of random meaningless numbers; unless you are the owner of…Continue
English is not my first language. Sorry for the mistakes.
Today´s been 32 days since I´ve lost my sunflower. We still don´t know what was the cause of death since I´m dealing with a lot of red tape due to the fact he was not from here and came to this land only to marry me. I still remind the day I first saw him going out of the boarding gate, looking for me, full of hopes and dreams. I had never been happier in my life. Suddenly I had found the ONE I had been looking…Continue
I’m Steve, and I’ve been a long time member here, since about 18 months after my long time male life partner passed in March of 09. Ours was an amazing love story, fraught with big challenges, Mike was bi-polar, drug and alcohol abuser at times, we met and fell in love in our teens, we had zero support from our families,
so, we chose to move out on our own and create a life for ourselves. In our early twenties, we decided enough of drugs, parties, it was time…Continue
I have two thirteen year old boys! Yep two of them, twins. Their dad was killed a week after their thirteenth birthday. I am not sure when the right time to loose a dad is, but I am thinking a week after turning 13 isn't great timing! I also have a 17 year old son who is mostly human and is thoughtful and does even contribute in a positive way. Back to the 13yo's, I am so glad it is a stage. I do remember that 14 comes after 13 and 14 can be just as bad, if not worse, but again I keep…Continue
Today is Sunday #22.
My weeks have become that. What Sunday is it now? The rest of the week can come and go, but Sundays, well, they are "special" to be forever ingrained in my life, my brain, how I eat and sleep. Randy died on a Sunday. I count them and can't believe it has only been 22 Sundays. It feels like a liftetime ago that I saw him, kissed him, shoot, got mad at him! I feel like I can't remember what he looks like. I feel like it has been YEARS that I saw him and at…Continue
I am busy most of the time, it is a deliberate strategy on my part. I was in the shops today and suddenly I urgently wanted to go home. I recall my Ray doing that as part of his dementia so I hope it is not like that. It is like a sudden onset of overwhelming tiredness. A sudden thought that I have finished wanting to be where l am. Sometimes I give in to the feeling and head home and sometimes I try to to stay a while longer, tough it out. Going home is only a ten minute drive from where I…Continue