Hi Diva, thank you for your kind words. Sometimes it is like I am under water and struggling to come up for air. It seems I am crying more now after 10 months than I did in the earlier months. Maybe it has something to do with Christmas coming up. Even at 78 I was still IN love with Gil. We had a wonderful life together and I am sorry we didn’t meet sooner so we could have had longer together. In hindsight 26 years was not enough.what I miss the most is thr feel of his arms around me and his…Continue
Added by Noelene T on November 29, 2018 at 6:31am — No Comments
"Carrying a Hole" - its an oxymoron. How does one carry a hole?
Usually when we think of carrying something we think of carrying weight, substance, bulk. How can one carry a hole? I guess we can carry something with a hole in it, but you cant carry just the hole. In the context of grief though, "Carrying a Hole" makes perfect sense. We carry a hole everywhere we go. A hole in our hearts, a hole in our lives where someone used to be. A hole in our beds, where our partners slept. A hole…Continue
It has been such a long time since I last visited this site. I felt guilty tonight for staying away so long...and then...I read the posts of those on their 5th anniversaries.
I, too, passed through yet another long, sad day on September 23rd...my 5th anniversary. I knew even from the start that, with time, the mind-numbing paralysis brought on by Rick's sudden death would ease. But when I look back, it amazes me how these 5 years can seem like 5 minutes AND 5 decades all at…Continue
I am new on here, my husband passed away from cancer about two months ago. Even though for sometime I knew he wouldn't be with me for long, I guess I always thought it would be a little bit longer.... it's still so hard to believe he's gone. No matter what, my mind constantly wanders to thoughts of him when he was healthy and happy and full of life and then to when he was sick and had deteriorated . I'm keeping my head above water but some days just barely. I have a four year old that I…Continue
This week is my eldest son's graduation from High School (we live in Australia). This has been a really tough year for him at school. He has never found study easy or "natural" and so for him to graduate is in and of itself an amazing achievement. The school have been awesome and have really done a lot to help him. They have supported and encouraged and cajoled and offered alternatives. So this week we find ourselves in the week of celebrations and milestones. He has worked hard, and learnt…Continue
I found it sadly amusing that I continue to walk around things. Things that are in my way, things that shouldn't be where they are, things that really have no purpose anymore. But I didn't put them there, she did. Her slippers on the stairs just inside our front door, her reading glasses on the table, her laptop on the couch, the book bag on the floor of the living room, and the lunch bag hanging in the kitchen. Removing these and so many other things would help me to attack the clutter…Continue
So yesterday marked the 1 year mark. With the hype that family and friends seemed to be having with it, I would have thought it would have had some meaning to me. Really it didn't. I did do something we often did together and went for an 8 mile light hike. I listened to a book on tape as I cruised through the trail and the only thing that was odd was that I didn't take one picture, I just walked. As I walked I pictured my wife on the trail a few times but I wasn't all emotional or…Continue
Finally figured out how to put the Christmas tree in this post. It's a bit early but the past four months have been extraordinarily difficult, sad and life-altering. Putting up the tree has helped some. I just want to end the year with something positive, pretty and fun.…Continue
Added by Pegasus on November 12, 2018 at 4:27pm — No Comments
It's been a difficult, sad and life-altering year. For the past four months my life has been consumed with settling my husband's estate, taking care of my developmentally delayed son and just getting through each day. The arrival of November has been urging me to start planning for the holidays. For the first time ever, my youngest sister just told me that her children have to work on Thanksgiving so her family won't be able to come. My daughter's boyfriend…Continue
November is here, usually my busiest month of the year as it always includes a week in Broken Hill to help my younger son celebrate his birthday. That is still ahead of me. It also includes the beginning of the end-of-year events, as not everyone waits till December to start their Christmas parties. There is also the Lions Bunnings BBQs and the Lions Christmas raffle with my name on the roster. And all the planning for the leadup to Christmas both in the church and on the home front.…Continue
Hello. I’m new to the site, looking to find other people that are going through what I am. I have experienced so much stress and grief since 2015. My father passed away in 2015. My Mom passed away Christmas Eve 2016. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that spread to his brain in 2017. We were told he had about 18 months to live. He went through brain radiation first and that helped his symptoms then he started on chemo. He did really well until they switched the chemo…Continue
So, it's almost been a year, since Jerry left me. I've come a long long way. I still have a long way to go! As I look back at what's helped me the most through this year I realized I have simplified my world. True, it's a whole lot smaller now but it feels more manageable.
I first let go of friends/people who create havoc, drama, and or negative vibes. Even though I know they mean well, most of the time certain folks in my life were draining before Jerry died. Since he's…
Well, it's November 1 and the holiday season has officially begun. I for one am already starting to get the holiday jitters. Fortunately, my Tony and I had long ago cut ties with the commercialism of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Our focus was on experiencing the "true" meaning of the season. For us that meant reaching out to friends and family with gestures of love...i.e. a visit to the nursing home to cheer up a family member or baking cookies with grandma and grandpa, etc. Of course this…Continue
today is Halloween. I year ago today I retired. Who knew that 10 months later I my husband would die and in an instant I became a widow. We had so many future retirement plans. All gone in that moment with his death. No warning. Heart arrack. Now, so many changes. It’s not like I have a choice. My best friend, and partner of 38 years is gone. Tom was so handy, as a child if he could not figure out how something worked he took it apart. He could fix anything. I was the helper and cleanup…Continue
I am rolling closer and closer to 1 year, and I find that more and more people are dropping hints and reminders that 1 year is right around the corner. At first it was subtle, hey if you want to come hang out in a couple weeks, let us know. But as the days tick on, the subtlety seems to be disappearing and folks are being more and more overt. I am trying to be kind and not push back. For me, so far anyway, it isn't the day that is actually worrying to me. See for me remembering and…Continue
yesterday was October 20 which is 2 months since my husband Tom suffered a heart attack and died. So last night was one of those nights where I hardly slept. Remembered how I found him on the floor, blue face eyes open with purples fixed and dialiated. I did CPR, until the police and paramedics arrived. They did everything possible in the house and at the hospital, but to no avail. My grief counselor says not to watch to much tv. It’s noise in a to quiet house. It’s something that helps…Continue
After this last couple weeks of recovering from hitting the end of one set of goals and really have no more set right in front of me, it started to really dawn on me that I am not myself. But what really does that mean? For years I would make muffins every couple weeks and we would freeze them up to warm for breakfast to go with our oatmeal. They were about 60 calories each the way we made them, little mini breakfast muffins, but they filled out breakfast well and kept me going until my…Continue
Tomorrow is my husband´s birthday. He would be turning 51. Body hasn´t been released yet since August 2nd.
I´ve been reading a lot about the phases of grief and all those stuff to see if I can find myself on any of those posts... But no. Feeling most part of the time alone and numb, I´ve made a good friend here who talks to me. And I´ve hidden even from him my two suicide attempts in this time. Don´t know what´s going on, every day it goes I feel more and more anger and hate about my…Continue