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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

All Blog Posts (4,261)

Cooing with Loneliness: Making New Friends after Widowhood

My blog post that’s gotten the biggest response by far was on the loneliness that comes with the second year of widowhood when people just seem to vanish. So, trying to be positive, my latest is about using a…

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Added by The Hungover Widow on March 14, 2018 at 4:59am — 1 Comment

Welcome back to life

Life is hectic!  Having worked solidly for the past 18 months I am finally looking forward to my first real break during May for a whole month.  Working as a support worker in the disability sector my work is fulfilling but mentally exhausting.  Then I come home to my kids and it's all happening there as well as they download about their ups and downs during the day.  Following the death of my dad 18 months ago I am also on-call for my aging mother who lives on her own about 15…

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Added by chez2all on March 13, 2018 at 9:05pm — 1 Comment

What's with her?

 Since Jerry's death, I have heard the whisperings of people who may or may not be well-meaning.  It is a really small town and everyone knows everyone.  So, I expect that I have to hear things I don't like or answer questions when I really don't want too.  Ignorance runs rampant around my town.  Not everyone, most folks are kind or mean well even if they don't cut the mustard.  



I am on the fence, should I fight stupid with stupid?  Should I put my mask on and pretend all is…

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on March 13, 2018 at 10:18am — 11 Comments

Reflections

I was sound asleep the 17th of December 2012 when the phone rang. I’d been up late that night and was sleeping in. Susan had gone to bed that night round 9pm saying that they’d worked her hard during physical therapy, that she was tired and that she’d call me early in the morning to wake me.

I grabbed the phone and exclaimed, “Boy you weren’t kidding when you said you would call early, how are you doing honey?” “Is this Frank? “Asked a strange voice. “Yes.” Frank this is (I don’t…

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Added by Frank on March 7, 2018 at 9:03pm — 6 Comments

Number of widows vs.. widowers.

I found this online.

I’m not sure of the accuracy but it was all I could find.

It indicates that the number of widows vs. widowers is almost 4 to 1. 

Just out of curiosity does anyone know if that is reflective of the this site’s membership?…

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Added by Mike on February 28, 2018 at 12:55pm — 3 Comments

Going to be a long journey to recovery

I had the operation on the 20th, the wounds were very painful so I stayed in hospital for five days. I came home last Sunday. My daughter stayed till Tuesday lunchtime so today was my first day on my own. It has been a struggle to get through the day. I am still weak and with the drains and "handbag" to carry everywhere housework is a nightmare. I keep telling myself it is only for four weeks but that doesn't seem to help. I do have a housekeeping service coming a couple of hours a week so…

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Added by only1sue on February 28, 2018 at 3:00am — 7 Comments

This is not my norm!

I was chatting with a new member here at the village. She said to me; I hate this new normal. I echoed the sentiment. It's the same sentiment I've said and heard over and over again since, Dec. 14, 2017. I contemplated my new routine. It seems as though I'm in a persistent state of war. It's exhausting.

My heart and mind constantly duel, to the point of both physical and mental exhaustion. Most days I act upbeat; I even fool myself for a moment or two. However, my private war…

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on February 26, 2018 at 11:28am — 8 Comments

Our 21st Wedding Anniversary...my second one on my own

The Garden by Akiane Kramarik

We were created to celebrate life with every breathe we take

We were created to understand and find our true purpose

We were created to appreciate beauty and growth

We were created to imagine and find fulfillment in our work

We were created to leave something meaningful behind

We were created to create, not to possess

No matter…

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Added by Lev on February 24, 2018 at 4:24am — 2 Comments

Our 21st Wedding Anniversary...my second one on my own

The Garden by Akiane Kramarik

We were created to celebrate life with every breathe we take

We were created to understand and find our true purpose

We were created to appreciate beauty and growth

We were created to imagine and find fulfillment in our work

We were created to leave something meaningful behind

We were created to create, not to possess

No matter…

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Added by Lev on February 24, 2018 at 4:24am — No Comments

Two days before the operation

The waiting is almost over, it seems a long time since it was mentioned and in two days time  the operation will be over. I have just carried on with my usual routine, no sense in doing one of those "bucket list" gestures. I am somewhat of a fatalist so figure it will work out well and if it doesn't then I will have to learn to cope. Since all the tests and xrays started I have heard some very inspiring stories so know I am walking in giant's footsteps.

Friends have offered…

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Added by only1sue on February 17, 2018 at 10:00pm — 3 Comments

Staying positive amid despair

This morning, I woke up and the first thing I thought about naturally was Jerry.  He's been the first thing I've thought about for years. Usually, I'd roll over and snuggle; today I stared at our picture.  I wondered what advice he'd give me.  I wondered what was going through his mind two months after he lost his wife.  Jerry was such a confident man.  He nearly always looked on the bright side.  He almost always embraced and adapted to circumstances beyond his control.  I so admired his…

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on February 17, 2018 at 10:00am — 10 Comments

Alone on the Farm

Last night was the first night I've spent alone on the farm.  My kids were here, but they are kids.  My "step-daughter" and her family share 40 acres with me.  They took a weekend trip.  It was eerily quiet and dark out here.  I felt really alone. 

It's strange how little things like that make me feel vulnerable and achy.  I ache for Jerry, he was the kind of man that made one feel safe.  I was never afraid when he was here.  There are so many small adjustments to make.  In attitude,…

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on February 16, 2018 at 4:30am — 2 Comments

My child can't catch a break!

As most you know, that chat with me.  My children lost their father Dec1 and stepfather Dec 14 of 2017.   This week their uncle died (fathers brother) unexpectedly.  Last night a school friend was in a car accident and is not going to make it.  Two more friends were seriously injured.  Then I look at FB and see that the step-father of a friend has been killed along with another family member.  Checked the news website and realize they were in the other car.  It seems like it's way too much…

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on February 14, 2018 at 8:42am — 5 Comments

Saudade

Saudade

The abscense of a previously shared presence.

The reality that your beloved is no longer present.  That the presence belongs to what  was.  

You feel the absence.

What is left is what it - the prsence - felt like.

The pain is in the…

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Added by Lev on February 14, 2018 at 12:30am — 4 Comments

Not doing so good

 

Here I am 2 years later. the First year with this New lady in my life was amazing. then something happened  I do not know what,

she seemed to be Pushing away from me.. locks herself in the bedroom , days , weeks at a time.  My mom came to Visit.  she did  leave the room the entire week my mom was here.  We had a  tree fall into the house.  she was in the room for over a month. apparently came out  while I was at work.

 now she is demanding. does not speak to me. …

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Added by hog659(Neal) on February 7, 2018 at 9:42am — 5 Comments

Destiny ... How I Soar

The magical way Vern and I found one another has always made me believe it was divine guidance that brought us together. He chose me. Me? Yes, me! That just turned 18 year old kid who knew deep down inside her that life had more in store than what she could see. But she was too afraid to take a chance and came so very, very close to settling for something that would have been such a huge mistake.

Oh, the summer of ’69. One little change of course. Not so little actually.

That…

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Added by Dianne in Nevada on February 1, 2018 at 9:54am — 7 Comments

How I Soar

Michele Neff Hernandez, my friend and the amazing woman who created…

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Added by Dianne in Nevada on February 1, 2018 at 9:45am — 2 Comments

What comes first?

It's very early on with my loss and I realize it takes time.  I also realize I probably will feel single again at some point.  It takes time I know.



I feel very much still part of a loving couple.  Jerry's gone, but I'm not single.  I find it the most unusual feeling I've ever had.  If someone asked me right now, do you have a boyfriend?  My answer would be yes.   



Logically, I haven't had enough time.  I just wish I knew a how and a when I'll ever feel like I'm just…

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on January 30, 2018 at 8:41am — 10 Comments

Grief as War

I didn't ask to be in this war.  I didn't sign up for it, I wasn't drafted, and certainly wasn't trained for it.  Let me backtrack and explain to you how I got here.  I met Keith in 2013.  He was the epitome of all I had ever searched for in a partner.  We were soul mates and we couldn't wait to start our lives together!  I was 34 and he was 35 and we embarked upon a beautiful life together.   He had some heart issues but was on medication and was doing fine until about a month or two before…

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Added by WynterRaven (Toni) on January 28, 2018 at 4:28pm — 4 Comments

Missing my Best Friend Today

Today is the 1 year anniversary of when we received the diagnosis that my husband had 6 months to live.  The day my world was turned upside down.  I really miss him; he was my best friend in so many ways.  He understand me in a way that no one else did; accepted me with all my flaws and silly quirks.  We took care of each other.  My wish is I could have done more.  I wish I had a better hospice company than the one I did.  This company did not provide much support.  

Added by adoption1964 (Kim) on January 23, 2018 at 8:19am — 2 Comments

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