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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

All Blog Posts (4,265)

"Fleet-ing Thoughts": Birthdays

…

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Added by Widows Wear Stilettos on April 23, 2011 at 8:30pm — No Comments

"Fleet-ing Thoughts": Is This it?

Is This It?

It's over.


He's gone.


The doctors and the hospitals and the insurance companies and the tumult and the constant parades of people (well-meaning and otherwise).
The exercise in survival into which the most heinous, evil illness on earth turned a once happily bustling home.
The excruciating pain of…
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Added by Widows Wear Stilettos on April 23, 2011 at 8:30pm — No Comments

Finding Love After Loss: Dating Turnoffs

Jennifer Lopez said, "If you kiss on the first date and it's not right, then there will be no second date." Here are my top twelve reasons why you may not be getting offers for second dates.



Are you the King or Queen of the first date, but it never leads to having a second date? Check to see if…
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Added by Dating & Relationship Coach on April 22, 2011 at 12:30pm — No Comments

My Journey To Loss: The preface. (Part 1 of 5)

This story begins back in the late '90's, a working class kid graduating high school, his high school girlfriend had turned into more of a best friend, and next week would be the beginning of full time hours at a part time job for the summer.  That job was singing up patients for TV service and collecting payments from them at local hospitals.  Come fall he added being a full time college student to that full time job, and picked up a few hours as a work study in the college's AV department…

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Added by A Widowed Father on April 21, 2011 at 12:14pm — 2 Comments

my arms around grief instead of you

Torture at the passport office





Finally the time had come to get my children passports

I had wonderful visions of flying off to Aruba, Europe, Australia



Parenting and then grief had occupied those years since my last one was issued and I looked forward to getting a new unexpired one.



I had finally assembled all the necessary documents. I felt so damned organized. Like a functional adult.

Off we went to the post office in the…

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Added by Eileen on April 20, 2011 at 4:51pm — 4 Comments

Let's see -    what does one do when they miss their spouse - and want to talk or be with no one else?  Cry, sob but it doesn't help.  What a losing position it is to be a widow.  So much work and ef…

Let's see -    what does one do when they miss their spouse - and want to talk or be with no one else?  Cry, sob but it doesn't help.  What a losing position it is to be a widow.  So much work and effort to gain nothing.........rather to lose it all.   Our income is lessened, our chores are doubled, and we are destined to missing the one we love.   There is no relief, or fix or cure.  We go thru the motions best we can to look normal but inside 1/2 of us died also.  We spare others of our… Continue

Added by barb on April 20, 2011 at 12:27pm — 6 Comments

New Blog Post Coming Soon

So I'm going to write another blog post, just need to get my thoughts together, and finalize on a title, I've been bouncing around a few ideas:

"A List of Changes, from Engagement to Death: 4 Years in the Life of Widville's Most Active Member"

or

"From Engagement to Death in Four Years: Sudden Changes"

But then I got to thinking that maybe I should make it more encompassing, sort of make it my story, a introduction or preface to my loss, go back a few more years,…

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Added by A Widowed Father on April 20, 2011 at 6:43am — No Comments

"Fleet-ing Thoughts": Welcome

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Added by Widows Wear Stilettos on April 19, 2011 at 9:00pm — No Comments

A Memo From The Mayor's Office: Leaderboards

LEADERBOARDS, basically a listing of the most active or most popular members, pictures, posts, etc.

 

Ok, I'm an honest guy, I really have nothing to hide, and I'm usually willing to show my cards, so here it is.  I know I have a certain following here in Widville, and I know full well that if I write a blog post a good number of people are going to read it, many will probably "like" it and some will even…

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Added by A Widowed Father on April 19, 2011 at 11:00am — 10 Comments

Getting through it....

 

 

 

This is my first time posting a blog entry so you will have to read on with a little forgiveness, perhaps.

 

It has been a little over three years since my wife, Deb, passed from breast cancer.  For thirty years we were best friends and we grew older and wiser together. We have 4 girls: 25, 23, 20 and 15. For me, continuing on without her was and continues to be one of the hardest challenges of my life.

 

I have enjoyed my time here in the…

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Added by dadoffour (Floyd) on April 19, 2011 at 7:00am — 9 Comments

Do I Know?

I really appreciate when people tell me how they see bad situations transform their lives.  A pair of friends were down visiting this past week. At dinner one night, one of them shared how the impact of Kevin's death was bad for them, bad, differently, than what I had experienced, but still bad.  This was Kevin's best friend, whom I have had the honor to continue friendship with.

He shared with me that life was awesome before for Kevin and I, and while I went through something bad,…

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Added by CrazyWidow on April 18, 2011 at 6:37am — No Comments

Thee Rant

I was told this week that I was courageous.  She also told me it was time to be weak, to admit my feelings of guilt, my guilt for feeling weak.  Guilt?  What should I have to feel guilty about?  Oh yeah:

Click here for all listings involving previously mentioned guilt.

I know Kevin would not want me to feel guilty, he'd want me to be HAPPY.  Do you know how many times I have heard this phrase?  Whatever you guessed, add about 10 to…

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Added by CrazyWidow on April 18, 2011 at 6:37am — No Comments

Bite In

Last night was up down up down.  I am definitely having difficulty balancing my varying levels of emotions.  During one of the ups I realized what an amazing group of widow friends that I have acquired.  I spent about 45 minutes on Twitter last evening joking around with these women about travel, Camp Widow (did you know I'm presenting a workshop on Blogging & Grief there with Fresh Widow??) and life. …

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Added by CrazyWidow on April 18, 2011 at 6:36am — No Comments

Nag Nag Nag

He used to make me so annoyed.  He was in charge of changing the kitty litter, and cooking.  I felt like I was in charge of EVERYTHING else: bills, dishes, cleaning, chauffeur.  I complained.  I nagged.  I bitched to my friends about him.  I did it.  I'm guilty.

Now he's dead.

Widows, we all did it.  Don't lie.  You nagged.  You complained.  Your husband had the tendency to annoy you!  The best husbands do!  Now, when our friends complain about their husbands, we freak.  Our…

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Added by CrazyWidow on April 18, 2011 at 6:35am — 2 Comments

A Poem for both my Husband Who Died and My Boyfriend of Ten Months

Still

 

I'm not letting you go

You are still needed,

stil giving, still providing.

Still. So still.

 

I'm not letting you go

either.

I could listen to you talk endlessly,

further, deeper, more.

We have movement

but he's got staying power

still.

 

Still, I'm not letting you go

until we stop moving forward,

stop laughing,

stop talking.

I can't imagine…

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Added by Jill on April 15, 2011 at 8:55pm — 3 Comments

Masks

It's amazing how many masks there are to wear.  There's the mask I put on at work for the customers/public: a (hopefully) cheerful smiling face, helpful attitude.  The mask for my co-workers: every thing's fine, I'm just quiet because I'm busy, have a headache, have something that requires concentration.  The mask for my kids: Mom's fine, just a little sad, but ok, really; of course I'll help you with whatever is going on in your life... and so on.  Very few people have a clue of how far I…

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Added by Maya, GEM's kyttn on April 14, 2011 at 7:13pm — 2 Comments

No answers

I cry out, for relief, for comfort
Echoes repeating endlessly
Tired of the sound of my own voice

I cry out, hesitating, listening
Praying for someone to answer
But no one hears my call

I cry out, hopelessly, fruitlessly
No longer listening for a reply
Unable to tell voice from echo

I cry out, quietly, wordlessly
Emptiness answering my call
Nothing left but lonely silence.

Added by Maya, GEM's kyttn on April 14, 2011 at 8:30am — 3 Comments

No More Boyfriends. Now I've Got a "Manamine".

My husband Ken died when I was 44 years old. This led to some early and compulsive dating caused by my initial grief impulse that went something like this: HELP. I CAN"T MAKE IT ON MY OWN. MUST HAVE NEW HUSBAND AND FATHER FOR MY KIDS AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.

 

After about two years or so that included many, many nights spent on Match.com, EHarmony, Green Singles, and J-Date, (Yes, I used them all, sometimes all at once) many hopeful yet ultimately fruitless meetings with men in…

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Added by Jill on April 14, 2011 at 6:56am — 3 Comments


VOLUNTEER
Two Kisses for Maddy: A widow reviews Matt Logelin's memoir



Two Kisses for Maddy: A Memoir of Loss and Love , the new memoir by our friend (and Widowed Village member), Matt Logelin, stands out among the passel of recent books by widowed people about their experiences. With a combination of grace and profanity, Logelin shares his life and love leading up to… Continue

Added by Soaring Spirits on April 13, 2011 at 12:49pm — No Comments


VOLUNTEER
Are there two types of people in the world?



During my undergraduate class in Homer, I learned there are two types of people: Iliad people (emotion, war, death, loss)… Continue

Added by Soaring Spirits on April 13, 2011 at 11:51am — 4 Comments

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