My brain is on overload lately. The school year is over next week and I am readying myself for the full time mommy job this summer. As usual, I want my kids to be happy, learn some new skills, have fun, but most of all, to just feel normal. This is always my hope. I want to have fun with my kids. I want my kids to enjoy their childhood, but not be spoiled. Most of all, I want that gaping hole in their hearts to continue to heal. I want my gaping hole to continue to heal too.
We are still waiting for you
Your sandals are just where you left them
I did not touch the glass or straw from which you took your last sip of water.
But I can always clean them when you return
Call me silly
Your knapsack with your swim gear is still there
I sobbed over it last night
Smelled the irish spring soap and the speed stick
All as you left…Continue
This weekend my friend hosted a baby shower for Jorge Matthew Jr. I was so nervous about breaking down because Jorge is gone. If I did break down, I knew the people surrounding me would completely understand but I just didn't want to do it. Grieving is much more comfortable in private.
A very dear friend from my high school days drove down from Gainesville to celebrate with me. I was so excited to spend time with Heather. It has been years! So many in fact, she never met…Continue
This past May 3rd, was the 4 year mark. Four years since my world blew apart. I've been reading the comments posted on this web site and my tears started flowing. It is hard to contain them because I have been where most of these precious people have been. I know the shock, I know the anger, I know the pain, and I know the struggle of having to move on. Every morning I knew the realization that I would not see my Gregory's face nor hear his voice calling me his baby...and still I placed…Continue
The love of my life left me unexpectedly 13 weeks ago. Throughout that time I've experienced so many episodes of anger. I've been especially angry at God (and I've been told "It's OK, he/she can take it") and I've been angry at my husband. I feel guilty for this irrational anger but it's not something I seem to have control over. It just rears its ugly head when I least expect it. My husband was my son's best friend. They went…Continue
Yesterday was my anniversary and a very sad day for me indeed. I worked for most of the day, had lunch with a friend and finished the day with my counsellor. She had told me the week before that it may be a good idea to bring in a wedding photo so that we could discuss my anniversary.
I tried to put my favourite pic of us in a bag to…Continue
My 3 year old has, after 3 months without him, started to ask to see daddy.
We've gone through the whole "Daddy is dead - Daddy's body is broken" thing.
But, he doesn't care about all of that. He just wants to see daddy.
I don't want to do it, but I finally tell him that daddy's ashes are in the big bottle on the shelf.
I bring them down for him. He wants to open the bottle, but I stop him.
"Can I play with daddy's ashes?"
"No," I say, thinking of a…Continue
This has been an emotionally difficult week. I've struggled to keep the tears at bay and have been consumed by an overwhelming sadness. I've felt so very alone, forgotten, left behind and I've had to acknowledge some emotions I'm not very proud of. Perhaps I need to use a widow card.
I learned last Saturday night that a 49-year-old coworker had suffered a massive stroke. Joyce was in…
Right after Mark died I read in a greif book to be prepared for something major to break. So naturally when my 20 yr old washing machine broke I wasn't too suprised. But then I became boombarded with other big things breaking. The list to date is:
There is a pretty silly group on youtube called "Pomplamoose" that does different covers of songs and some very unique videos too. I was just listening to them today and came across this song.
The thing I liked most about the song was this line "Dont Stop, Its the remedy for your achin heart". I thought that was such a fitting line for where I am in my journey. I have been thinking a lot about how this is a season of learning to endure and to persevere.
Added by Soaring Spirits on May 13, 2011 at 12:30pm — No Comments
It's been about three months since my wife died... and I feel like I am more lost now than I have ever been.
Tonight, as I performed my nightly tuck-in rituals with my kids, I felt like a worthless loser. I was botching the whole single dad thing and hating myself for it. My daughter, 5, informed me that the dinner I made "tasted really bad" and that my homemade pizzas weren't nearly as good as the ones her mother would make. "I wanted to spit it out" she said. How do I…Continue
STOP the MADNESS!
by Carole Brody Fleet
When news of the death of Bin Laden hit the airwaves, as were many of you, I too was tuned into the media reports, the President's proclamation that the bastard who is responsible for untold thousands of deaths was indeed dead and the kind of weird atmosphere that prevailed in the days immediately after – the street celebrations and so forth. Did…Continue
Well It has been 5 years and 5 months since Michael went to his resting place. He had a surfing accident which caused some handi caps he couldn't talk or see from one eye he couldn't eat and his hearing was impaired.He couldn't walk. He had a halo on he had to learn everything all over again. He was a fighter. He lived in the hospital for 4 months. I was there everyday stayed overnight. My life was on hold. I had to make so many choices which I didn't understand.But he got to come home wow…Continue
As I drive up to my house and see that the grass needs cutting, the flower beds need cleaning, the trees need trimming, and on and on and on....what and how do I get it all done? I used to think that Robert did nothing around the house and now I know how wrong I was! It will 6 months on May 23rd since his death and I hurt soooo bad. You are the only ones who really can understand,. As I write this tears are streaming down my face because I don't know what's next! How do I get all done? I…Continue