Hi My name is Deborah and Im reaching out to the group to all of you that have felt like the breathe has been taken out of your lungs and you can't breath. Whether you found a loved one or like myself was told he shot himself the day after our 18 year anniversary!!! Yes suicide is a different beast, one which we question everday of our lives. Why, Why did they leave us alone. Some alone to raise children, and all of us JUST ALONE WITHOUT THE PERSON WE LOVED>>>>
I have my cat, Shadow. I have my bird, Taffy. I have my newest addition my dog, Scooter. And I have my father in law who I fondly call Pops. Happy Mother’s Day to me!
For the first time in a long time, the other day I found myself really wanting Jesse. I hadn’t felt that in a long time, but as the weeks go by and I continue to notice Pops declining I wonder how I will handle the end of his life. I don’t feel strong enough. This week was especially challenging as I noticed Pops…Continue
I was transformed when I became a mom. I know this is not a unique experience. I know many women whose lives were forever changed the day they first held their child. For those of us who carried our children within us, the transformation may have come sooner. No matter how our children were delivered to us, we, well at least I was forever changed. The amount of love I felt for my son was overwhelming. The ability for my heart to grow and be transformed was amazing to me. I knew I wanted…Continue
I added a post to my blog this morning:
A dear friend of mine from high school died, unexpectedly, last July... I remember giving his mother a hug after the funeral, not knowing what to say, really... apologizing for losing touch with her son, the way people do as they grow up... move on... start their lives as adults...
She was grasping for meaning in his death... a why... it made no sense...
Almost a year later, and mere months out from my own heart being ripped into a million tiny, little pieces of 'why?' and…Continue
As I look at the clock tonight, I realize that I have now officially been a widow for three years. There is still not a single day where I don’t think of Tim. I know that I will forever miss him and I know that there will still be days where I cry for him. I look at our son and see so much of his daddy in him…a daddy he will never know. How is it that he has the same food likes and dislikes when he was only 9 months old when daddy went to Heaven? I have studied genetics and not one…Continue
My neighbor Marguerite died on Monday of cancer. She was 57 years old. I didn't find out until Tuesday morning around 8 a.m. Two hours later I got in my car to go to Pilates class and blew right through a stop sign and almost crashed right into another car. I was able to stop about 2 inches before hitting metal. I wasn't thinking about the road I was on or the fast moving steel I was driving; I was thinking about how I had just seen Marguerite the day before, and how sad I felt to think of…Continue
So my youngest asked one of her sisters "Where's daddy?" It was a beautiful day - and Meghan (who does not get along with her little sister by the way) - looked up, pointed to the sky, and said "Right there, behind that cloud, where the sun is shining." Wow.
Today marks 18 months to the day our lives changed so dramatically. It’s really amazing to me that this grief today seems different that my past grieving. It’s not so much the pain that Heidi is gone which was the earlier grief. It’s almost like a type of secondary grieving or grieving now the more dramatic affects of the loss. In a way it almost feels like I am grieving that part of me that died with Heidi. I mean I know I’m alive and breathing and did not physically die, but in a way I…Continue
Yesterday and today bring back so many memories (which I wrote about in my widow's blog Dianne's Blog). I've found myself reading back through some of my CaringBridge journal entries of that earlier time and I'm rather surprised to read the tone of my journaling. I remember those times now with horror - the news of the cancer, the horrible prognosis, the surgery, the mistakes, the terrible pain and suffering - and yet…Continue
|Pepperdine University Graduation 2011…|
Thank you again to everyone who has responded with overtures of friendship and support! It means a great deal to read those notes, even when I've not been in a place where I could pull myself together to respond properly. I think I'm slowly getting my act together again, though it may just be the pain pills for my root canal.
While there are all the normal little things pressing on me, like Greg not being here to deal with tax issues, or to help with grocery shopping, or to…Continue
It has now been 103 days since I lost my husband and I just finished sobbing on the telephone with a close friend of mine. Last night a male friend called me up and said he wanted me to go for dinner with him. I hemmed and hawed because I had not been out in public since my husband passed. I thought that since it was a Monday night that the restaurant would be pretty empty and we went rather late....restaurant only had a…Continue
Here's one of my favorite easy recipes -- requested by our friend @Naz for her Cooking Club:
Curried lamb, a complete meal
(Good for one adult and a few kids. So far, all kids tested LOVE it. Might depend on not putting in tons of curry?)
-- About 1 lb of ground lamb
-- curry powder
-- cooking oil any kind
-- salt, pepper
-- Jar of plain spaghetti sauce (I use a sugarless marinara from Barilla or Classico -- nothing fancy with cheese or meat or olives…
Mark was born at the beginning of March and died at the end of March. Two years being widowed, and our cat just died in February, so I really felt alone. I did pretty well getting through March though.
April seemed better. …Continue
It’s so hard to believe that 2 years have almost come and gone without Dave here physically by our side. Time, 2 years ago on April on April 27th when I was just coming home from a funeral on the East Coast for a dear friend’s young son, I wouldn’t have thought that Dave’s voice…Continue