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All Blog Posts (4,341)

The Flight Home

Just remembering the day I was transporting John from Florida to Indiana for the funeral service.  I was so nervous.  I just wanted to get him home to his mother.  To be near family as I was then all alone dealing with the whole process of setting up the funeral/transportation arrangement.  I never would have thought that I would have to make such arrangement at the age of 26 years old.  It took a about a week to get him a flight into the nearest airport.  Family was anxious and eager for me…

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Added by manni on May 24, 2011 at 9:44am — No Comments

I cry

I eat--but do not taste

I sleep--but do not rest

I see--but do not recognize

I listen--but do not hear…

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Added by Tommi on May 23, 2011 at 1:56pm — 3 Comments

Help Wanted: Just a LIttle

Help Wanted: Just a LIttle





I am 49 years old yet I had never filled my own car tires with air until today. In fact, I asked my 28 year old niece to accompany me…
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Added by Jill on May 22, 2011 at 8:41pm — 2 Comments

Initiation

The time is nearing for me to sponsor my mother-in-law into this club.

Three months out from losing her son, her husband of 30-odd-years has decided to go off of dialysis...

It could be weeks.

It could be days.

 

Having had my initiation thrust upon me,

suddenly,

this drawn out departure feels no easier,

the anticipation of what lies ahead..

I ache for her, knowing...

 

I struggle against it... 

the coming…

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Added by Krista W. (whoknows) on May 21, 2011 at 4:29pm — 8 Comments

Comfort

In my wondering through the empty house today, I came across a box full of shoes that I had never unpacked and put in my closet.  As I pulled pair after pair out, memories of my husband came flooding back.  This pair he bought for our kayaking.  Another pair of hiking shoes to go with the many he had already gotten me.

 

I came upon a pair I bought for casual Fridays at work.  Dick hated them.  He said they were ugly and matronly.  They were so comfortable though.  |pulled them…

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Added by Tommi on May 21, 2011 at 2:29pm — 1 Comment

Thinking, thinking, thinking...

My brain is on overload lately.  The school year is over next week and I am readying myself for the full time mommy job this summer.  As usual, I want my kids to be happy, learn some new skills, have fun, but most of all, to just feel normal.  This is always my hope.  I want to have fun with my kids.  I want my kids to enjoy their childhood, but not be spoiled. Most of all, I want that gaping hole in their hearts to continue to heal.  I want my gaping hole to continue to heal too.

I…

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Added by widowisland on May 21, 2011 at 6:48am — 2 Comments

grateful

yesterday I went to doctor - regular yearly check-up.  He said "You are in real good health, Barb" - keep up the physical exercise you are getting.  On the way home when usually I cry, i started thinking about all of the things I am grateful for.  Not having pain and being able to play sports at 65 - makes me pretty lucky.  Also I have a pair of white dogs who are always glad to see me, cuddle at night, one even cries with me when I weep.  I live in a 55 and up community - more activities than… Continue

Added by barb on May 21, 2011 at 5:47am — 2 Comments

How Can You Help Me?

"How You Can Help Me"







Please talk about my loved one, even though he is gone. It is more comforting to cry than to pretend that he never existed. I need to talk about him, and I need to do it over and over.







Be patient with my agitation. Nothing feels secure in my world. Get comfortable with my crying. Sadness hits me in waves, and I never know when my tears may flow. Just sit with me in silence and hold my hand.







Don't abandon me with… Continue

Added by Taylor'swidow on May 19, 2011 at 2:00pm — 4 Comments

WAITING

 

 

 

 

We are still waiting for you

 

Your sandals are just where you left them

I did not touch the glass or straw from which you took your last sip of water.

 

But I can always clean them when you return

 

Call me silly

 

Your knapsack with your swim gear is still there

I sobbed over it last night

Smelled the irish spring soap and the speed stick

All as you left…

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Added by Eileen on May 18, 2011 at 4:37pm — 8 Comments

Feeling Better is Better Than Feeling Worse (For Me, Right Now)

I feel so fearless in these post grieving days. I feel taller, stronger, more self-contained. The intense sadness left me in this past year, left me alone with what's left of my life, left me alone with a whole new not improved but stripped back life, and amazingly, incredibly, I'm finding that it is enough. It's good. I'm happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here to be able to be…
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Added by Jill on May 16, 2011 at 9:37pm — 6 Comments

I survived the baby shower but my weekend still ended in sadness.

This weekend my friend hosted a baby shower for Jorge Matthew Jr. I was so nervous about breaking down because Jorge is gone. If I did break down, I knew the people surrounding me would completely understand but I just didn't want to do it. Grieving is much more comfortable in private.

 

A very dear friend from my high school days drove down from Gainesville to celebrate with me. I was so excited to spend time with Heather. It has been years! So many in fact, she never met…

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Added by MissHIm11 on May 16, 2011 at 6:25am — 10 Comments

4 years....

This past May 3rd, was the 4 year mark.  Four years since my world blew apart.  I've been reading the comments posted on this web site and my tears started flowing.  It is hard to contain them because I have been where most of these precious people have been.  I know the shock, I know the anger, I know the pain, and I know the struggle of having to move on.  Every morning I knew the realization that I would not see my Gregory's face nor hear his voice calling me his baby...and still I placed…

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Added by medasstchick on May 16, 2011 at 4:48am — 6 Comments

Mother's Day

Every act of evil extracts a tear from God, 
every plunge into anguish extracts a sob from God. 
Nicholas Wolterstorff, Lament For A Son



When Mother's Day comes I can't help but think about Patrick and how much I miss him. Unless one has experienced the pain of losing a child (even an adult child) it's hard to understand the depth of the hurt. When Patrick died, a part of… Continue

Added by wannabmartha on May 15, 2011 at 4:48pm — 3 Comments

Anger!

The love of my life left me unexpectedly 13 weeks ago. Throughout that time I've experienced so many episodes of anger. I've been especially angry at God (and I've been told "It's OK, he/she can take it") and I've been angry at my husband. I feel guilty for this irrational anger but it's not something I seem to have control over. It just rears its ugly head when I least expect it. My husband was my son's best friend. They went…

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Added by DonnaReid on May 14, 2011 at 9:29pm — 2 Comments

Our Anniversary and WHY?

Yesterday was my anniversary and a very sad day for me indeed. I worked for most of the day, had lunch with a friend and finished the day with my counsellor. She had told me the week before that it may be a good idea to bring in a wedding photo so that we could discuss my anniversary.

I tried to put my favourite pic of us in a bag to…

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Added by Abby on May 14, 2011 at 12:30pm — 7 Comments

Ashes and Tonka Trucks...

My 3 year old has, after 3 months without him, started to ask to see daddy. 

We've gone through the whole "Daddy is dead - Daddy's body is broken" thing.

But, he doesn't care about all of that. He just wants to see daddy.

I don't want to do it, but I finally tell him that daddy's ashes are in the big bottle on the shelf.

I bring them down for him. He wants to open the bottle, but I stop him.

"Can I play with daddy's ashes?"

"No," I say, thinking of a…

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Added by Krista W. (whoknows) on May 14, 2011 at 11:00am — 2 Comments

May I use a Widow's Card please?

This has been an emotionally difficult week. I've struggled to keep the tears at bay and have been consumed by an overwhelming sadness. I've felt so very alone, forgotten, left behind and I've had to acknowledge some emotions I'm not very proud of.  Perhaps I need to use a widow card.



I learned last Saturday night that a 49-year-old coworker had suffered a massive stroke. Joyce was in…

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Added by Dianne in Nevada on May 14, 2011 at 10:53am — 2 Comments

Everything breaks........

Right after Mark died I read in a greif book to be prepared for something major to break.  So naturally when my 20 yr old washing machine broke I wasn't too suprised.  But then I became boombarded with other big things breaking.  The list to date is:

  1. Squirrles in the attic - they don't pay rent; they can't stay!
  2. Kid's snowmobiles not starting  - considering that Mark died in a snowmobile accident some might thin it strange that I still let my kids snowmobile but they…
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Added by UpNorthWidow on May 13, 2011 at 9:51pm — 5 Comments

"Achin Heart" A song with some good words!

There is a pretty silly group on youtube called "Pomplamoose" that does different covers of songs and some very unique videos too.  I was just listening to them today and came across this song.

 

The thing I liked most about the song was this line "Dont Stop, Its the remedy for your achin heart".  I thought that was such a fitting line for where I am in my journey.  I have been thinking a lot about how this is a season of learning to endure and to persevere. 

It was…

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Added by NMWidower on May 13, 2011 at 2:38pm — 4 Comments


VOLUNTEER
What he was thinking, 1

I speculate all the damn time about what I imagine Gavin was… Continue

Added by Soaring Spirits on May 13, 2011 at 12:30pm — No Comments

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