Just remembering the day I was transporting John from Florida to Indiana for the funeral service. I was so nervous. I just wanted to get him home to his mother. To be near family as I was then all alone dealing with the whole process of setting up the funeral/transportation arrangement. I never would have thought that I would have to make such arrangement at the age of 26 years old. It took a about a week to get him a flight into the nearest airport. Family was anxious and eager for me…Continue
Added by manni on May 24, 2011 at 9:44am — No Comments
I eat--but do not taste
I sleep--but do not rest
I see--but do not recognize
I listen--but do not hear…Continue
The time is nearing for me to sponsor my mother-in-law into this club.
Three months out from losing her son, her husband of 30-odd-years has decided to go off of dialysis...
It could be weeks.
It could be days.
Having had my initiation thrust upon me,
this drawn out departure feels no easier,
the anticipation of what lies ahead..
I ache for her, knowing...
I struggle against it...
In my wondering through the empty house today, I came across a box full of shoes that I had never unpacked and put in my closet. As I pulled pair after pair out, memories of my husband came flooding back. This pair he bought for our kayaking. Another pair of hiking shoes to go with the many he had already gotten me.
I came upon a pair I bought for casual Fridays at work. Dick hated them. He said they were ugly and matronly. They were so comfortable though. |pulled them…Continue
My brain is on overload lately. The school year is over next week and I am readying myself for the full time mommy job this summer. As usual, I want my kids to be happy, learn some new skills, have fun, but most of all, to just feel normal. This is always my hope. I want to have fun with my kids. I want my kids to enjoy their childhood, but not be spoiled. Most of all, I want that gaping hole in their hearts to continue to heal. I want my gaping hole to continue to heal too.
We are still waiting for you
Your sandals are just where you left them
I did not touch the glass or straw from which you took your last sip of water.
But I can always clean them when you return
Call me silly
Your knapsack with your swim gear is still there
I sobbed over it last night
Smelled the irish spring soap and the speed stick
All as you left…Continue
This weekend my friend hosted a baby shower for Jorge Matthew Jr. I was so nervous about breaking down because Jorge is gone. If I did break down, I knew the people surrounding me would completely understand but I just didn't want to do it. Grieving is much more comfortable in private.
A very dear friend from my high school days drove down from Gainesville to celebrate with me. I was so excited to spend time with Heather. It has been years! So many in fact, she never met…Continue
This past May 3rd, was the 4 year mark. Four years since my world blew apart. I've been reading the comments posted on this web site and my tears started flowing. It is hard to contain them because I have been where most of these precious people have been. I know the shock, I know the anger, I know the pain, and I know the struggle of having to move on. Every morning I knew the realization that I would not see my Gregory's face nor hear his voice calling me his baby...and still I placed…Continue
The love of my life left me unexpectedly 13 weeks ago. Throughout that time I've experienced so many episodes of anger. I've been especially angry at God (and I've been told "It's OK, he/she can take it") and I've been angry at my husband. I feel guilty for this irrational anger but it's not something I seem to have control over. It just rears its ugly head when I least expect it. My husband was my son's best friend. They went…Continue
Yesterday was my anniversary and a very sad day for me indeed. I worked for most of the day, had lunch with a friend and finished the day with my counsellor. She had told me the week before that it may be a good idea to bring in a wedding photo so that we could discuss my anniversary.
I tried to put my favourite pic of us in a bag to…Continue
My 3 year old has, after 3 months without him, started to ask to see daddy.
We've gone through the whole "Daddy is dead - Daddy's body is broken" thing.
But, he doesn't care about all of that. He just wants to see daddy.
I don't want to do it, but I finally tell him that daddy's ashes are in the big bottle on the shelf.
I bring them down for him. He wants to open the bottle, but I stop him.
"Can I play with daddy's ashes?"
"No," I say, thinking of a…Continue
This has been an emotionally difficult week. I've struggled to keep the tears at bay and have been consumed by an overwhelming sadness. I've felt so very alone, forgotten, left behind and I've had to acknowledge some emotions I'm not very proud of. Perhaps I need to use a widow card.
I learned last Saturday night that a 49-year-old coworker had suffered a massive stroke. Joyce was in…
Right after Mark died I read in a greif book to be prepared for something major to break. So naturally when my 20 yr old washing machine broke I wasn't too suprised. But then I became boombarded with other big things breaking. The list to date is:
There is a pretty silly group on youtube called "Pomplamoose" that does different covers of songs and some very unique videos too. I was just listening to them today and came across this song.
The thing I liked most about the song was this line "Dont Stop, Its the remedy for your achin heart". I thought that was such a fitting line for where I am in my journey. I have been thinking a lot about how this is a season of learning to endure and to persevere.
Added by Soaring Spirits on May 13, 2011 at 12:30pm — No Comments