Today is the first day of a new year and I couldn’t be happier about it. You see December, instead of being the happiest time of the year for me, is the saddest. It’s a sharp reminder of my love that’s missing; of truly beautiful Christmases past that will never be again, or even come close. …Continue
Added by Starfish5 on January 1, 2019 at 5:23pm — No Comments
December 31st, 1978:
I had met this terrifically wonderful guy named Mike, several months prior, so cute, so funny, awkward sweet, he had asked me out on the first time we met.
Now, at a New Year’s Eve party at a nightclub, we danced and drank and had a wonderful time. The clock strikes 12, it’s now January 1st 1979, and as the ole lang syne played, streamers and balloons dropped from the ceiling, “Happy New Year”! Mike got down on one knee on the dance floor where we…Continue
Every minute I want to shout at the top of my lungs:
I LOVE YOU, BOO!
Just in case you can hear me.
one of the meetup groups is hosting a party. The venue is nice but it is not as spacious as the host is trying to make it out to be. $15.00 a head. She provides the DJ, food, paper/plastic products and party favors. 204 woman and 71 men attending. That’s $4,125.00 she will barley break even on this thing. She is trying to tell me it’s not going to be standing room only. She’s trying to tell me the music will not be so loud you can’t hear anyone. She is trying to tell me standing around…Continue
I recently joined two meet up groups near me. I struggle with the amount of time to devote to this. My time is valuable and once spent I cannot get it back. So, I have to really work on being people’s friends. It reminds me of my children’s sports teams. If you show up and interact with people there you have a chance of befriending at least one person who you might get together with outside of the sports and separate from your children. However a majority of the adults there could care…Continue
12 Christmases without my hubby. My heart is breaking because I don’t have anyone yet to share the load with. I feel like I have lost everything. My husband, my house, my children, my job. I am not homeless because of friends I live with and I feel like shit because I can’t afford to pay them what the place is worth. Why am I even alive?
I had a phone call yesterday from a woman who joined a Dementia group I belonged to in 2006. We have been in contact on a regular basis since then. She was widowed about 18 months ago so we have that in common too. She was worried about how empty her life feels in this time when "family togetherness" seems to be the theme of all the advertisements, TV programs etc. When are we going to stop this kind of thinking which is so isolating for the childless, the homeless, the widows and widowers…Continue
It has been 2 years since my husband has passed. I miss him so much. I miss feeling his arms wrapped aroung me, his hand reach out to hold mine. The love, the emotional support, the comfort and security.... those hugs, the holding of hands, were so much more than physical.
I find I am crying myself to sleep this holiday season...again. I smile when I look at photos of our past together, but as much as I smile at the loving memories, I find tears stream down my face- missing him, his…Continue
There´s been a while I don´t post here. depression came back in a ridiculous level...I´m not being able to function anymore. I´ve been watched by 2 therapists and a doctor, but nothing really seems to help. Today, after 4 months without him, I thought I´d get better...but I´m just getting worse. Acceptance and conformism have been extremely difficult issues to deal with. For those who know a little about my history, my husband died out of US in my country, after 12 days of marriage. I delt…Continue
Here I am December 16th 2018.. IN June I finally Got Rid of the wicked one out of my house. and had the Entire upstairs Decontaminated. and bought myself a New bed. I am Now averaging 4 hours a night of sleep after almost 4.5 years of 1 hour a night. I Finally opted to take My vacation time in Augest.
out in the Ozarks of MO. it was amazing. however I cut my 20 days vacation short 10 days, when my work partner called that his mom may Die Before the weekend. I drove 2 days …Continue
Added by hog659(Neal) on December 16, 2018 at 4:46pm — No Comments
As time continues to trickle away behind me, I find that there is this illusion of distance looming out in front of me, and has been for some time. When I first lost my wife reaching a place where I could truly be happy again seemed very far away, there was no illusion, it was clear as day that those mountains were far far away. As the weeks and months started to fall away, the mountain started to appear close, like if I could just keep up this pace for a little longer I would reach the…Continue
I have noticed that I am far more sensitive than I used to be. I find that I walk into situations where people don't know about my wife, or who do know about her and mention it when I am not expecting. The other day someone was asking me if I was traveling with my wife to her family because they over heard me talking about going to her parents' house around Christmas for a visit. I explained that no, she had passed away, but it was a bit of a hit to the gut to have them ask that question…Continue
I need to accept my scars as being a part of me. When I was learning to be a telephone counsellor for Lifeline, a suicide prevention telephone counselling service staffed by volunteers we had a lesson on being "real". One of the things our facilitator asked us to do was to stand in front of the mirror naked each morning for a week and say: " This is who I am and who I will be all day." Boy was that a life lesson, nothing to cover up who we really are. I think it is time for me to do that…Continue
Hi Diva, thank you for your kind words. Sometimes it is like I am under water and struggling to come up for air. It seems I am crying more now after 10 months than I did in the earlier months. Maybe it has something to do with Christmas coming up. Even at 78 I was still IN love with Gil. We had a wonderful life together and I am sorry we didn’t meet sooner so we could have had longer together. In hindsight 26 years was not enough.what I miss the most is thr feel of his arms around me and his…Continue
Added by Noelene T on November 29, 2018 at 6:31am — No Comments
"Carrying a Hole" - its an oxymoron. How does one carry a hole?
Usually when we think of carrying something we think of carrying weight, substance, bulk. How can one carry a hole? I guess we can carry something with a hole in it, but you cant carry just the hole. In the context of grief though, "Carrying a Hole" makes perfect sense. We carry a hole everywhere we go. A hole in our hearts, a hole in our lives where someone used to be. A hole in our beds, where our partners slept. A hole…Continue
It has been such a long time since I last visited this site. I felt guilty tonight for staying away so long...and then...I read the posts of those on their 5th anniversaries.
I, too, passed through yet another long, sad day on September 23rd...my 5th anniversary. I knew even from the start that, with time, the mind-numbing paralysis brought on by Rick's sudden death would ease. But when I look back, it amazes me how these 5 years can seem like 5 minutes AND 5 decades all at…Continue
I am new on here, my husband passed away from cancer about two months ago. Even though for sometime I knew he wouldn't be with me for long, I guess I always thought it would be a little bit longer.... it's still so hard to believe he's gone. No matter what, my mind constantly wanders to thoughts of him when he was healthy and happy and full of life and then to when he was sick and had deteriorated . I'm keeping my head above water but some days just barely. I have a four year old that I…Continue
This week is my eldest son's graduation from High School (we live in Australia). This has been a really tough year for him at school. He has never found study easy or "natural" and so for him to graduate is in and of itself an amazing achievement. The school have been awesome and have really done a lot to help him. They have supported and encouraged and cajoled and offered alternatives. So this week we find ourselves in the week of celebrations and milestones. He has worked hard, and learnt…Continue
I found it sadly amusing that I continue to walk around things. Things that are in my way, things that shouldn't be where they are, things that really have no purpose anymore. But I didn't put them there, she did. Her slippers on the stairs just inside our front door, her reading glasses on the table, her laptop on the couch, the book bag on the floor of the living room, and the lunch bag hanging in the kitchen. Removing these and so many other things would help me to attack the clutter…Continue
So yesterday marked the 1 year mark. With the hype that family and friends seemed to be having with it, I would have thought it would have had some meaning to me. Really it didn't. I did do something we often did together and went for an 8 mile light hike. I listened to a book on tape as I cruised through the trail and the only thing that was odd was that I didn't take one picture, I just walked. As I walked I pictured my wife on the trail a few times but I wasn't all emotional or…Continue