Here I am 2 years later. the First year with this New lady in my life was amazing. then something happened I do not know what,
she seemed to be Pushing away from me.. locks herself in the bedroom , days , weeks at a time. My mom came to Visit. she did leave the room the entire week my mom was here. We had a tree fall into the house. she was in the room for over a month. apparently came out while I was at work.
now she is demanding. does not speak to me. …Continue
The magical way Vern and I found one another has always made me believe it was divine guidance that brought us together. He chose me. Me? Yes, me! That just turned 18 year old kid who knew deep down inside her that life had more in store than what she could see. But she was too afraid to take a chance and came so very, very close to settling for something that would have been such a huge mistake.
Oh, the summer of ’69. One little change of course. Not so little actually.
Michele Neff Hernandez, my friend and the amazing woman who created…Continue
It's very early on with my loss and I realize it takes time. I also realize I probably will feel single again at some point. It takes time I know.
I feel very much still part of a loving couple. Jerry's gone, but I'm not single. I find it the most unusual feeling I've ever had. If someone asked me right now, do you have a boyfriend? My answer would be yes.
Logically, I haven't had enough time. I just wish I knew a how and a when I'll ever feel like I'm just…
I didn't ask to be in this war. I didn't sign up for it, I wasn't drafted, and certainly wasn't trained for it. Let me backtrack and explain to you how I got here. I met Keith in 2013. He was the epitome of all I had ever searched for in a partner. We were soul mates and we couldn't wait to start our lives together! I was 34 and he was 35 and we embarked upon a beautiful life together. He had some heart issues but was on medication and was doing fine until about a month or two before…Continue
Today is the 1 year anniversary of when we received the diagnosis that my husband had 6 months to live. The day my world was turned upside down. I really miss him; he was my best friend in so many ways. He understand me in a way that no one else did; accepted me with all my flaws and silly quirks. We took care of each other. My wish is I could have done more. I wish I had a better hospice company than the one I did. This company did not provide much support.
Summer is full on today, hot dry and windy. Going outside for any period is not recommended. On days like this l feel lethargic. What to do? Reading, watching old movies, trying to keep cool.Sometimes it seems as if I just fill in my time. It is a feature of life for me this summer. Once it would have been a day by the Lake with a picnic basket, or somewhere near water but somehow that is not as much fun on my own. I can see how easy it is to become isolated.
To avoid isolation I…Continue
I love a good joke and it was so hard to get one over on Jerry. This time I got him but good without even trying. We headed off late in the afternoon to Georgia for a family reunion five hour's away from home. A little over halfway through the trip Jerry was tired and decided we needed to stop for the night. It was close enough to get up have breakfast and still get to the reunion on time. He get's us all set up at the Hilton Inn for the night. While laying on the bed discussing dinner…Continue
Added by Rainy (Misty) on January 18, 2018 at 10:59am — No Comments
The last two days have been miserable to say the least. Everything, and I truly mean just about everything, has reminded me of my wife. I saw a picture of a salad today that had pomegranate seeds on it, and thought of her and the bags of frozen pomegranate seeds I now have inherited. I tried to deal with the old DVD collection and move it into folders out of the cases so it would take less space, and I see so many movies we owned that I just would have zero interest in watching again…Continue
I miss him terribly.
John died on May 24, 2017. I'm what...almost 8 months out? I feel like this roller coaster is getting harder. I think I was on autopilot through the first few months. I had a son to get off to his first year of college in the Fall, a 16 year old daughter starting her Junior year of HS who dances and wanting to make sure she was doing ok and on track.
And now I made it through the holidays....Like what was I thinking?? That there would be an end of some…Continue
A song I wrote many years ago. Who knew how much it would resonate today?
There was a time when all I'd yearned for
Seemed to be the things I'd earned, more
than I'd ever wanted from the start
Then it seemed the tide had turned, Lord,
The waters came, the waters churned, why
does this pain and sorrow pierce my…
Added by BabushkaD (Debbie) on January 7, 2018 at 9:33pm — No Comments
Well this is the last day of the year - 2017. What a year it has been. I feel like everything is crashing down and in on me. We all know the first thing that crashed down, in or whatever we call it: Loosing my husband to Stage IV kidney cancer on May 2, 2017. Ending the year with a heck of bang. Was told I didn't need to move out of this house only to come home on December 29 from counseling and my husband's birthday that I have to move. Rentals in this area are about 10 to 1. Go…Continue
I am alone tonight, New Year's Eve. Just had a phone call from my younger son and a text from my daughter, so not forgotten by my family. I guess I should expect this now with no-one special in my life. I wasn't invited to a party or to join any of the families, I did have Christmas with family so that was our special family time . I am okay with my own company now so I should not complain.
My review to follow up the melanoma operation is next Thursday so I am remembering that…Continue
Since I lost my dear husband to liver cancer, December 1, 2016, the first year went by in a haze. Now I am starting year two and it has finally hit me that I will not be seeing Gil anymore. This Christmas was pretty hard. I just went through the motions, but I could not get into the festive activities and parties. I bought a few Christmas sweaters, and a new dress. I did get to wear both of the sweaters. The dress is still sitting behind my bedroom door.
I don't know why I bought the…Continue
I have read and contributed to posts about how losing a loved one can change the survivor. “How has the death of your spouse changed you” or something of that genre.
It is a fair question, but I am not certain I can give a concrete answer or will be able to in the future, if ever.
The past year has been one of pure unimaginable grief, not one I would ever want to repeat. My spouse’s loss has left me with an incalculable feeling of how shall I say, “Lostness.” I know that’s not…Continue
Well today is the day after Christmas, this was my first Christmas without my husband. I was fortunate to have family around however I feel like I am going backwards. My husband passed May 2, 2017 after a short 5 month battle with Stage IV Kidney Cancer. I have really good days and I guess the down fall is the bad days that come up from time to time. Tomorrow 12/28/2016 would have been 1 year ago ; he had the surgery to remove his right Kidney, piece of his bladder and ureter. This was…Continue
Christmas is over, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day holds no excitement for me. I have always felt that way. I have enjoyed Christmas this year, within it"s limits. I guess I will always yearn for what was the norm way back when we were still a functioning family, food, fun and family. I miss Ray, even when he was really sick he was still here, interacting with the kids and grandkids. Of course the grandchildren hardly remember those days now, five years is a long time in their young…Continue
My holiday piece for the Huffington Post: If you want to help the widowed, let us talk about our marriages. This came out of a dinner where friends were talking about having a good marriage, but seemed to ignore me whenever I chimed in. That’s George and I in 1983. We were together 32 years.…Continue