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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

All Blog Posts (4,322)

Doing better now

I read some of my blogs and it is obvious that I am not coping, sometimes I am a l little down, perhaps a bit sad and fragile. Well not this week. I have a six day visit from my younger son and his daughter,  my youngest grand daughter and the place was noisy, sometimes joyful, sometimes full of the drama five year olds generate. Never a dull moment. Plenty of activity, we visited four beaches in five days ( one day off because of rain) and as she lives in a dry town on the edge of the…

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Added by only1sue on April 20, 2018 at 5:30am — 2 Comments

Contradictions

It is funny the contradiction I have become.  I complain about routines being messed up or being painful, and wanting to change things up.  But then I want the routine to be there when I am ready for it.  Yesterday I found out that a restaurant my wife and I went to frequently was filing Chapter 11.  This place is one of the oldest memories I have of taking my wife to dinner.  Yes they are a chain but I was a student and could only afford so much.  I freaked out a little bit about this…

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Added by MidnightBear (Tony) on April 17, 2018 at 9:42am — 5 Comments

Painful...Routine

As the days, weeks, now months have slowly passed since my wife died, I had things I had to do. Busy work yes, but it wasn't something I had ever done before.  These required changes to my day.  Getting up early, contacting random companies and people, going out of my way.  It was torture but it kept things moving in a direction.  I now wish there was more I had to do that was required just to keep me busy. 

Unfortunately, just the other day I woke up, got myself ready in the morning…

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Added by MidnightBear (Tony) on April 13, 2018 at 3:33pm — 4 Comments

Home Alone

Gilbert died five months ago, and I'm beginning to realize that the Old Melissa died with him. Now I have to invent the New Melissa or allow her to surface; I'm not sure how it works.

It's so odd to suddenly not have a routine. I don't have to wear ear buds if I want to listen to music in bed late at night. The dog doesn't mind if it's noisy at 2:00 am. I can eat dinner at three in the afternoon or midnight and nobody cares. I don't have to cook for anybody…

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Added by Melissa on April 5, 2018 at 11:22am — 12 Comments

Lonely in a crowd

Today is Easter Saturday, fine and mild with an overcast sky first thing this morning though it has warmed up since then. Easter is another one of those family times so friends ask the widow: " Will you see your family over the weekend?" And the widow smiles and says nothing because what is there to say? Long gone are the days when the kids rang me to see what I was doing for the weekend. We had that when their Dad as alive but not now. Being Mum and Dad seems to be treated differently to…

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Added by only1sue on March 30, 2018 at 9:52pm — 7 Comments

Our Home

All these rooms contain your depth, your breath

Your thoughts on how they should look and feel

 

The wall unit you built in the dining room

Notwithstanding a few colorful adjectives

Prior to its completion

Filled to the brim with lovely memories

 

The kitchen you declared the best room in the house

The aroma of your cooking, your gift to many

The floor that the contractor said would be ready to dance on by the…

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Added by Tess on March 30, 2018 at 7:28am — 4 Comments

Getting what you ask for, only to find out it isn't what you want

As I started down this path of rebuilding my life without my wife, I had nothing but good intentions.  Clear up some things that needed to be done so that I didn't have to keep revisiting this chapter over and over again.  It seemed simple.  Change names on bank accounts, close out credit cards, update insurance policies.  I jumped into the financial morass quickly and with a fevered pitch.  Filing this or that.  Organizing what I had to do next was a way of compartmentalizing the thing I…

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Added by MidnightBear (Tony) on March 29, 2018 at 5:44am — 7 Comments

Addicted to Camp? Well it can't be all bad..

I went to Camp Widow East (Tampa) last weekend and well it was fun, sad, interesting, engaging and weird all at the same time.  You wouldn't expect a bunch of people who are grieving the loss of their person to find so much joy in just being with each other.  It was nice to be able to remove the mask for a few days and just be who I am right now.  I know this won't be who I always will be, nor is it who I once was but right now I am a person who is multiple shades of screwed up over missing…

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Added by MidnightBear (Tony) on March 28, 2018 at 10:50am — 6 Comments

Just One Phone Call

Nobody but someone in this situation would understand what I'm about to share. 

I feel crazy, but grief is crazy sometimes. My husband has been dead for almost five months, but I need to call him. I have something important to tell him.

It's related to something in the news that we talked about and followed, and I know he'd really…

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Added by Melissa on March 26, 2018 at 7:38pm — 18 Comments

An Epiphany

         It's been nearly 10 weeks now that Sharon was called Home by the Lord after having experienced increased physical and mental suffering for 3 and one half years. Yesterday I had an epiphany. I realized that it would be selfish of me to want her back in the state that she was in just so I wouldn't be so desperately lonely as I find myself now.  She told me, toward the end that "I wish I could have stayed here longer with you!" ...a remark that, as I look back on it, was extremely…

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Added by MartyG (ver. 2.2) on March 26, 2018 at 4:46am — 4 Comments

March For Our Lives" ...

"March For Our Lives" ...…

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Added by SweetMelissa2007 on March 24, 2018 at 6:00pm — No Comments

My Essay is in The NY Times Modern Love Column

This was one of my dreams, to be in the New York Times’ Modern Love column. What’s weird is the article is online today and in print on Sunday. Saturday would have been my wedding anniversary. Eerie dates. Mixed emotions. It’s a humorous essay, but it’s really about not finding anyone…

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Added by The Hungover Widow on March 23, 2018 at 2:20am — No Comments

Is it over yet?

Anyone who knows me well knows that patience is not one of my better known virtues. I can be really patient with small  children and old ladies but sometimes the rest of the world annoys me. I have just completed the first four weeks of my recovery from the lymph node dissection. I have had two other hospitalisations and two other procedures, this has of course extended the time it will take to heal. In my right mind I know that - extra complication equals extra time. Simple. But my inner…

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Added by only1sue on March 19, 2018 at 10:00pm — 3 Comments

Cooing with Loneliness: Making New Friends after Widowhood

My blog post that’s gotten the biggest response by far was on the loneliness that comes with the second year of widowhood when people just seem to vanish. So, trying to be positive, my latest is about using a…

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Added by The Hungover Widow on March 14, 2018 at 4:59am — 1 Comment

Welcome back to life

Life is hectic!  Having worked solidly for the past 18 months I am finally looking forward to my first real break during May for a whole month.  Working as a support worker in the disability sector my work is fulfilling but mentally exhausting.  Then I come home to my kids and it's all happening there as well as they download about their ups and downs during the day.  Following the death of my dad 18 months ago I am also on-call for my aging mother who lives on her own about 15…

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Added by chez2all on March 13, 2018 at 9:05pm — 1 Comment

What's with her?

 Since Jerry's death, I have heard the whisperings of people who may or may not be well-meaning.  It is a really small town and everyone knows everyone.  So, I expect that I have to hear things I don't like or answer questions when I really don't want too.  Ignorance runs rampant around my town.  Not everyone, most folks are kind or mean well even if they don't cut the mustard.  



I am on the fence, should I fight stupid with stupid?  Should I put my mask on and pretend all is…

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on March 13, 2018 at 10:18am — 11 Comments

Reflections

I was sound asleep the 17th of December 2012 when the phone rang. I’d been up late that night and was sleeping in. Susan had gone to bed that night round 9pm saying that they’d worked her hard during physical therapy, that she was tired and that she’d call me early in the morning to wake me.

I grabbed the phone and exclaimed, “Boy you weren’t kidding when you said you would call early, how are you doing honey?” “Is this Frank? “Asked a strange voice. “Yes.” Frank this is (I don’t…

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Added by Frank on March 7, 2018 at 9:03pm — 6 Comments

Number of widows vs.. widowers.

I found this online.

I’m not sure of the accuracy but it was all I could find.

It indicates that the number of widows vs. widowers is almost 4 to 1. 

Just out of curiosity does anyone know if that is reflective of the this site’s membership?…

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Added by Mike on February 28, 2018 at 12:55pm — 3 Comments

Going to be a long journey to recovery

I had the operation on the 20th, the wounds were very painful so I stayed in hospital for five days. I came home last Sunday. My daughter stayed till Tuesday lunchtime so today was my first day on my own. It has been a struggle to get through the day. I am still weak and with the drains and "handbag" to carry everywhere housework is a nightmare. I keep telling myself it is only for four weeks but that doesn't seem to help. I do have a housekeeping service coming a couple of hours a week so…

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Added by only1sue on February 28, 2018 at 3:00am — 7 Comments

This is not my norm!

I was chatting with a new member here at the village. She said to me; I hate this new normal. I echoed the sentiment. It's the same sentiment I've said and heard over and over again since, Dec. 14, 2017. I contemplated my new routine. It seems as though I'm in a persistent state of war. It's exhausting.

My heart and mind constantly duel, to the point of both physical and mental exhaustion. Most days I act upbeat; I even fool myself for a moment or two. However, my private war…

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on February 26, 2018 at 11:28am — 8 Comments

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