All Blog Posts Tagged 'love' (20)

My mom in tears told me our dog had died…I was 11 my heart was breaking

My mom in tears tells me my grandpa has died…I was 15 my heart was breaking

My mom in anger tells me all that my father is not part of our family…my heart is confused

My mom in tears tells me my grandma has died…I was 16 my heart was lost

My daughter was born…I was 19 my heart was full

My sons were born…my heart is bursting with love

My husband leaves us all…I was 27 my…

As widows, there is a great deal to be gained by believing in the unseen and unseeable world. None of us knows what is on the other side of death, what connection our spouses may still have with those of us left behind. But I feel it, the presence of my husband's love still around me. This I must accept on faith and I ask: how does that differ from before his passing? Love is not something you can hold in your hand or weigh on a scale or photograph. Love always comes on faith, an intangible…

As I sit here tonight and look back at the almost two years, (17 days left till the anniversary) , since you passed I look at the changes in my life and in the lives of our children and wonder what you would think.

I hope you would be proud of my progress and that I have followed the things you…

                                                      (not wound so perfectly after I used it)



........ or at least…

Watercolors of memories wash my mind

Mixed with the dark, somber colors of pain and loss

Creating a palate of pleasure and pain

All intertwined in wispy tendrils 

That I reach out to grab in my hands

Only to find my hands empty

And so tears run through my heart

Leaving my soul aching

For that which once was but is no more

For it is just a watercolor of memories.

- C Marley

It has been seven months since I lost my husband to a rare cancer and the journey since his death has been a difficult one. I have experienced a range of emotions - anger, rage, love, anguish, sadness, yearning, loneliness, despair, hurt, regret, resentment, and sorrow.

I am now a single mother left to raise a 14 year-old son and one thing that I cannot help but notice is the scarcity of people in my life now. Where has everyone gone?  My son and I are so alone. I read in an online…

What is that vision in the corner of my eye? A brief glimpse of you. You're likeness is burned into my brain fooling me into thinking I see you around each corner. In the car, in a store...everywhere I go. That glimpse that makes me look over my shoulder expecting to see you standing there.

What is that sound? There are still reverberations of you echoing in my brain. The joyful sound of your laughter. Your heavy footsteps up the stairs. The sound of your breathing next to me at…

I’ve always been one to believe in the magic of second chances.  When something goes wrong, there may always be opportunity awaiting me around the corner…when God closes a door, he opens a window…all of those types of ideas have been a staple in my life.  Practice make perfect, there’s always tomorrow and don’t give up have always been a piece of my repertoire.  Dave was my second chance at a happy marriage…and I was his. We had both been married before and it took us a long time and much…

I have been brought to my knees in this darkest of all human experiences.

I have been forcibly introduced to pain in all its forms.  I never knew there were so many levels of pain with varying degrees . . . so like a palette with infinite hues and saturation levels.  

I have been hellishly intimate with pain and its many companions, locked helplessly in its cold, fiery, embrace.

In my, oh so limited life experience and innocence, innately secure and…

Love.

If the musical "Rent" is to be believed, it's the ideal unit of measure of a year in one's life.

As this calendar year comes to a close, I reflect upon that word and the way its meaning has grown and shifted in ways I could never have imagined. How would I measure my life in love for 2011?

My husband died in February, his last heart beat coming a mere 60,480…

When Yuri died, no one knew how to react to me. I was an utter mess. I didn't eat, I cried uncontrollably, I was withdrawn, confused, and purposeless. I wanted to disconnect and isolate myself, but I knew that would only make things worse.  I truly learned who my real friends were, some came as a surprise and some I knew I would be able to rely on; others that I thought would be there were not able to be whether it was a choice or being afraid of not know what to do, say, or feel. I am so…

On the 9^th of each month, I write a post for Greg’s monthly Heavenly birthday. You may or may not have noticed that I did not post last month’s posting. I wrote it, but instinctively, I decided to take some time and see if I wanted to post it or not. The piece just wrote  through me. I woke up on the 9^th last month and it just poured out from me and took me to a bad place, and I didn’t want it to do the same for you. So I…

Earlier this year I wrote a blog titled “Just Call Me “The Expert Grave Decorator”.

I decided to repost some grave decorating tips for you; in addition, I added pictures and some tips and ideas for those of you who have your beloved’s ashes in an urn.

<><                   <><               …

When will I feel like I am back on track? I know and acknowledge that I have come a long way since June 4, 2006. However, I am nowhere near where I want to be.  My journey through widowhood has taught me a lot and made me appreciate things most people take for granted.  I was reminded recently from a wise woman that I…

I have always been the reminiscent type. I love taking photos, saving memorabilia, and holding onto greeting cards. I keep them in a safe place and enjoy those walks down memory lane. These physical reminders of my life experiences help me to see the path my life took to be where and who I am today. When Yuri died, I was even grateful I had saved so many of those little things. I can read a letter from him and remember the day he gave it to me.  I can look at a photograph and be in the…

There are so many layers to the grieving process.  There are times I may feel so sad and alone, longing to see and hold Yuri one more time. Then there are times when I feel happy and at peace knowing he is always with me because he is a part of me. I was forced to focus on how he died for so long because of the lawsuit I pursued.  All I wanted was to bring justice for him and hold people accountable for their failures. The process was quite arduous and draining.  With the litigation behind…

.... another wave comes and smacks you from behind .....

I love the ocean.  Always have.

Jim did, too.  We were a "beach family".  Loved…

Delighted now

Or should I say,

Relit?

After your ashes spread,

I scattered

away from the sun.

Artificial indoor light

bulbs burning all night long

through the winter

after you had gone.

Spring 2006 came on

like a dirty rat

revealing everyone's bliss,

my empty, messy lot.

I didn't want to look,

didn't have the right lens,

needed a box with a pinhole

to take in the…