All Blog Posts Tagged 'writing' (15)

People tell me I'm a good writer.

People tell me I'm a compelling writer.

People tell me that I write in such a way that my words affect them.

 

So why can't I express fully, in a way that makes me feel that *I* understand, how much I hurt and how incredibly devastating it is to be a widow?

 

I look through thesaurus entries:

 

Devastated: anguised, cheerless, dejcected, depressed, despairing, distressed, down, heartbroken, heartsick,…

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We all have to find what works for us when it comes to getting through the pain of loss. My way is my way. Yours is yours. I've used writing my entire life to work through difficult spots and to understand my life. I think its a tool that anyone can use. You don't have to show anyone your writing, you don't even have to save what you write. Or you can start a blog, write a letter, or keep a journal devoted to your grief. The simple act of writing down your deepest feelings has been proven to…

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A widow friend of mine recently mentioned a new book about grief (which I haven't yet read) calledClosure: The Rush to End Grief and What it Costs Us by Nancy Berns. The author was speaking on NPR recently and her final words were: You Don't Need Closure to Heal. 

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It's an obvious exercise, but it's a good one. If you want to know what you're thinking and what you're feeling, writing is one great way to figure it out, and writing a letter to your dead husband or wife can be an excellent way to put it all out there. After all, who was once your most trusted friend? Who did you talk to about your most important thoughts and feelings? Well, you can still do it (although, sadly, it will be entirely one-sided.) Never mind about that.



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Grief and hope try to be friends, but it isn't easy. Grief pulls back, gets scared, loses its mind in the past. Hope moves forward quickly, not even imagining all the trouble that might lie in wait up ahead. Hope is full of energy. Hope wants to branch out, try something new, get out and get going.

 

Grief takes a big long nap and is grateful for the quiet. Grief needs to lose weight and feels too heavy to get up and start all over again. Grief holds on tight to what is known.…

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When Ken was first diagnosed with cancer I was 40 years old; our children were 6 and 3. It was a busy, full time in the life of our family. We were scared, yes, but we were full of hope because given the statistics, he was more than likely to survive. That hope stretched out for four years, even when the statistics started looking less and less in his favor as one recurrence then another invaded his body.



How did we express our hope? So many ways. We continued to travel, he invested… Continue

I've been blogging since before my wife and daughter were taken from me, and our families, on February 5, 2011, in a violent accident on a snowy highway (http://sadandchara.blogspot.com.)  The response of my local community and the world at large has been overwhelming and positive. However, I think it's going to be nice to have someplace to blog about the things I just don't want to, or feel I can't, put on that blog.  Things that I know people…

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Call me irrepressibly optimistic or call me nuts, but if I'm going to have to be widowed, I might as well try to make the best of it. In the early days, months and even years after losing a wonderful husband or wife, hurt predominates. I was there for a long, long time. But I hope that for others, as it FINALLY is for me (5 years since being widowed), there will come a time when you can find and make good in…

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The word "acceptance" has been like a mantra to me since my husband died on January 14, 2006. For me, working to accept his death has been one of the most important steps in my own healing. I accept that Ken is gone. I accept that I must continue to live well without him. I accept that I will never forget him and that the sadness of his death and the joy of our 15 years together have woven together as part of the person I am today.

 

I wrote this poem to confront head-on the…

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I can remember it like it was yesterday: the heart-pounding, animal-like fear I felt when we found out that Ken had cancer. If anything is going to activate fear, there's nothing like a cancer diagnosis preceded by weeks of tests and not knowing the outcome. The doctor appointments, the scans, the x-rays, the diagnostic surgeries, the lack of control, put it all together you've got the perfect recipe for being scared out of your mind. That's just my story. For some of you, it was a call from…

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After Ken died, our children were little. I didn't want them to forget the memories that belonged to them of their father; not just the stories others would tell them about him, but their very own personal memories. So, night after night, in the days following…

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I explore grief in writing as a way of healing. Some days, I give writing prompts you might want to try yourself. Other days, I just write. Either way, solid research shows that writing about your deepest, most important feelings can help you feel better. And hey, what's deeper than losing a spouse. Not too much!

If you enjoy my blog, I'd love to hear from you.

If you have ideas for good writing prompts to encourage others to write about their loss, please send them…

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