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Hornet (Cindy)'s Blog (12)

Thirty-Two...Plus Five

It has been such a long time since I last visited this site. I felt guilty tonight for staying away so long...and then...I read the posts of those on their 5th anniversaries.

I, too, passed through yet another long, sad day on September 5th anniversary. I knew even from the start that, with time, the mind-numbing paralysis brought on by Rick's sudden death would ease. But when I look back, it amazes me how these 5 years can seem like 5 minutes AND 5 decades all at…


Added by Hornet (Cindy) on November 19, 2018 at 6:30pm — 5 Comments


As surreal as it seems…tomorrow is the 4th anniversary of my husband’s death. Unbelievable.

I don’t visit Widville as much as I used to…I have literally buried myself in work over the last few years, but I log in every now and then to see how everyone is doing. I have to…this site helped me more than I can tell you, and now, I have the honor of offering my help as well…for whatever it may be worth.

Also, it is my way of honoring the wonderful man…


Added by Hornet (Cindy) on September 22, 2017 at 8:30pm — 3 Comments

Hornet…Just As It Should Be

It was February 8, 2017, three and a half years after I lost Rick.

I finally removed the wedding ring from my finger.


I never thought seriously about taking it off until then. It was as much a part of me as the hand that wore it.


My hand was alternating between aching and going numb, and my finger was swelled above the ring. Also, upon closer inspection, I finally realized that the knuckle of that finger was wider than the ring sitting beneath…


Added by Hornet (Cindy) on September 9, 2017 at 7:58pm — 5 Comments

Twenty-One Days to...

You know, I thought I was over dreading upcoming anniversaries. Maybe I’m being naïve, but I thought by now that I would have a better handle on myself. Yet I feel this soft gnawing in my stomach…a pit opening before me.

Rick will be gone for three years on the 23rd of this month…and today is the 1st…


Added by Hornet (Cindy) on September 1, 2016 at 6:52pm — 7 Comments

Hornet on The Third

The First? Well…there are no words for it. Horrible?  Yes. Heart-breaking? Yes. And so much more.

The Second? Numb. Going through the motions. Quiet. Horrible. Heart-breaking. Yes…and more.

The Third started out to be the same as The Second…but something softly turned.



Added by Hornet (Cindy) on December 24, 2015 at 4:05pm — 2 Comments

Hornet...For All Time

Blessed that I was loved.

Love that was as deep as it was fulfilling…

As strong as it was imperfect.

But real.

Real love.


It was my life, my whole world…for a time.…


Added by Hornet (Cindy) on July 25, 2015 at 5:07pm — 6 Comments

The Days Before (Repost)

A new friend of mine, a dear friend

Recently needed my help

He was reliving the Last Day…


Added by Hornet (Cindy) on May 25, 2015 at 4:30pm — No Comments

Hornet on A Man Who Is Loved

I am embarrassed to admit it…even to all of you. I just finalized the order for the cemetery marker a few weeks ago.


I didn’t realize it until now how grueling the last 19 months have been thinking about it, researching it, completing it.

But it is really beautiful. It is a large piece of gleaming bronze mounted on warm, slightly-pink marble with photos of us etched in it. A beautiful phrase, precise dates, full names, all presented in a graceful…


Added by Hornet (Cindy) on April 12, 2015 at 7:41pm — 3 Comments

Repost...on Being Homeless

I removed this post from my page several months ago whilst experiencing a 'fit'. A fit of insecurity? Anger? Hopelessness? Desperation to feel 'normal' and not wanting to feel like a widow anymore...I don't know. But now, after reading the posts of our unfortunate 'new' friends, I wonder if it still rings true, this feeling of homelessness.  I wonder if it helps give a voice to a broken heart. This damn feeling...or am I…


Added by Hornet (Cindy) on March 31, 2015 at 2:51pm — 5 Comments

Hornet on A Different Kind of Shock

Eighteen months are behind me…

Miraculously, I passed through the horror of those first days…drowning, like we all have, in the huge wave of mind numbing shock...losing part of your heart without any warning. A tsunami of pain. A suffocating blanket…thick and black, wrapped tightly around me. It kept me from almost every rational thought that could have passed through my brain. But it kept me from dying…


Added by Hornet (Cindy) on March 9, 2015 at 1:30pm — 3 Comments

Hornet on Joy

I am reading here, the posts of those of us who lost our best friends suddenly, and it made me think that it is not only the shock of the event that we need to recover from, but the loss of joy.


You know, I didn’t realize how much joy I felt being alive…living with a man for 32 years who was not perfect, but who loved me without question…without hesitation…without…


Added by Hornet (Cindy) on January 4, 2015 at 5:57pm — 5 Comments

Hornet on Becoming a Dream

A WV friend sent an email to check up on those of us who joined this club in 2013.


She wrote ”Its strange that sometimes it all seems so far away - and I wonder did I really live with this lovely man? The many photos say so.... but it is like a dream.”


How incredibly, horribly true.


I’ve done the same thing…flipping through…


Added by Hornet (Cindy) on November 28, 2014 at 3:07pm — 5 Comments

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