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Pointbass's Blog (11)

Bringing Along the Family

I just spent an extended weekend with my girlfriend (yes, I’m using the “girlfriend” thing regularly now) at her home down south, sort of a quasi-trial run (trial run 1 of a potential 3) (maybe trial run 1 of a potential 4) (or possibly trial run 1 of a potential 2 … things went very well …) to see how we would actually get along if we were living together. There was never a big doubt that all would be good, but, hey, as we all know, the bouncing ball of widow-dom…

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Added by Pointbass on September 15, 2016 at 6:08am — 3 Comments

Closure & Journey

I have had some really interesting conversations recently regarding the words “closure” and “journey”, so regularly used when discussing the state of my widowed status. I’ve used those exact words myself many times, casually flipped out there like a business card to anyone who is interested. Just for the sake of conversation, I looked up the Merriam-Webster official descriptions of these two heavily over-used nouns:

Closure: a feeling that a bad experience (such as a…

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Added by Pointbass on August 26, 2016 at 8:00am — 4 Comments

Breaking All of the Rules

As I close in on 3 months since Bunny died it appears that I have broken ALL of the rules.  Especially, you know, the overall Big Rule - Don't make any major decisions:

The Rules:

  1. Don't quit your job
  2. Don't rush into clearing stuff out of your house
  3. Don't start a new relationship
  4. Don't move
  5. Don't make any financial…
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Added by Pointbass on August 20, 2016 at 4:30am — 10 Comments

Counting the Days

I no longer say “my wife died (5,6,7,etc) days ago”, now it’s “a few months ago”. And before too long it will be “last year” and then “several years”. When I first realized I was saying “a few months ago” it sounded cold & unfeeling to my ears, as if I didn’t care that much or that her death was somehow much less important now. But that’s not it at all. I think a few things happened that started to change my approach to mourning, and in turn, affected my telling of her passing and my…

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Added by Pointbass on August 5, 2016 at 9:58am — 2 Comments

Working together one last time

Today is Bunny's combination birthday party and life celebration. I have previously written about the reasons for her party earlier in my blog, just in case you need any background info.



Bunny died on May 25th, just about a week shy of two months ago. It wasn't a surprise, it wasn't some horrific accident, it wasn't a long protracted illness like so many we have all read here. It was quiet, peaceful and painless, with both my daughter and I holding her as she left us. To the extent… Continue

Added by Pointbass on July 16, 2016 at 12:43am — 3 Comments

I'm Tired of Being Tired

When my wife died it felt as though my world had stopped, just completely, utterly stopped moving. Folks here at WV know far too well what that feeling is like. The loss, the quiet (it got really, really quiet for me), the deep sobbing, all of it is far too familiar to us by now. And after a time, that combination of loss, quiet & deep sorrow made me extremely tired. I can remember feeling exhausted and bone-tired, on top of all of the grief that I had been experiencing.

I…

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Added by Pointbass on July 12, 2016 at 8:10am — 4 Comments

Leaving Self-Pity Behind

There is stuff I should be doing today, other than sitting here writing. And I have things planned: finalizing the Life Celebration party for Bunny, my wife who passed away not quite 2 months ago, party scheduled on the 16th; a phone “date” with a new friend with whom I have become quite fond in a short period of time; laundry, which always makes me wonder how a single guy can generate so much laundry over a seemingly brief period; helping one of my neighbors with some light chores (she…

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Added by Pointbass on July 10, 2016 at 6:48am — 3 Comments

Cheating on My Wife???

I recently began conversing (long distance, via email, text and phone) with a new female friend. Our situations are quite similar, both suffering very recent losses, close in age and lifestyles, seemingly at the same level of education/intelligence … it has been very nice and comforting to be able to interact with someone since, for me, that type of interaction is a big part of the loss I feel.

Even our recent losses followed similar paths … not sudden, not unexpected, and…

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Added by Pointbass on July 8, 2016 at 6:46am — 6 Comments

A Birthday Life Celebration

Bunny turned 70 last year (2015) and we were planning on having a party for her … that was a big deal because she hated being the center of attention and her agreeing to host a birthday party, being held for her, was quite the concession. Unfortunately, she was dead smack in the middle of the latest round of chemo treatments and she just didn’t have the stamina to put the party together or act as a cordial, social guest of honor for a full day.

So we agreed to have a “70 + 1”…

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Added by Pointbass on July 4, 2016 at 3:36pm — 3 Comments

Questions Asked and Answered

After reading through a lot of the threads on here, I see that we all get asked the same types of questions from friends, family and even strangers. I had responded with something similar to this on social media recently, and after looking at posts here with the same theme I thought I would expand it somewhat for folks who suffer the same insipid questions every day. This kind of sums up my “stock” answers to those oh-so-common questions: 

Q:…

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Added by Pointbass on July 3, 2016 at 5:45am — 6 Comments

Cleaning Out a Workspace

Clearing out an artist’s studio is a challenge that only those in an identical situation can understand. We purchased a new home 6 months before my wife died, and the purchase/move was primarily to get her into a newer, better suited studio space. She had just completed a 6 month chemotherapy program and was really dragged out and weak, so I assumed the task of moving and resetting her studio in preparation for her renewed strength after beating cancer one more time. Bunny was getting…

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Added by Pointbass on July 2, 2016 at 4:04am — 3 Comments

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