I grew up in a small town, where everyone knew everyone and their mothers, grandmothers, etc.
I loved my town.
school, jobs, houses, met my husband there….but when he died there… I liked my town…Continue
I've been in the fog of widowed love
it's a different fog than the first time
it's less rosy
and I've let it be less cozy
I've only been trying to fill the empty spaces
desperately trying, for years
grasping at memories, ancient and faded
repeating the stories, old and jaded
I didn't notice that the empty spaces were…Continue
Added by smit09 on September 7, 2016 at 4:41am — No Comments
Sometimes I want to sing out loud.
I want to project my voice to the heavens, or wherever it is that you are, and show you that I am still in love with you.
That I will always be in love with you.
I love you.
I miss you!
missing you makes me want to float…Continue
Jack is 2.5 years old and he's the coolest kid. Craig's been gone for 2.5 years.
Craig, my Chitty, would be so very proud of me. His Smitty.
I've found love again. A man who needed me as much as I needed him. And his girls, who lost their mother found a brother who lost his father.…Continue
I need a safe place to shed some more truths. A place that I feel comfortable and un-judged... a place to release and unload, to clear my head and ease my heart, and naturally, widowed village is that place.
For those of you who have been with me through my widowed journey, know that I have found love again. Nathan, my wonderful, remarkable widowed boyfriend who can handle my baggage, has changed my life. It's true, no matter how much baggage I think I have…Continue
DATES, Numbers, TIME
In 2.5 months my husband will have been gone for 2 years.
22.5 months ago, he was struck by a drunk driver, t-boned in his newly boughten truck on his way to work on a sunday morning. 3 weeks after he lost his life, I gave birth to our son. Our very first and only baby. (we wanted 4)
3 months before he was killed, we were married on a wonderfully warm June 18th.
2 months before our wonderful wedding day, we bought our first house…Continue
Have you thought about being in a relationship again?
It's extremely complicated yet totally satisfying at the same time...however...
Tonight I picked a fight with my boyfriend. It wasn't a big fight, or anything serious, which makes me…Continue
JUNE 12 2013 @ 10 am
sentencing date of the drunk driver who killed my husband,Craig
As I walk up to the courthouse, I can barely move forward as knots, tangled and massive knots tied into bigger knots fill my stomach---feeling extremely nausious and it's almost debilitating. Now I start to notice the irritating vibrations from the neurons in my brain pulse throughout my entire body, I have to sit down, drink some…Continue
Hello fellow widvillers..
It's been a while since I've written a blog or made a post.
I am posting today, because I find my heart in torment (again),...and it's irritating because I've made such positive progress since my husbands passing.
He's been gone 1 year and 6 months and a day.
We were together for 2 years, everything was magical, and the world was going to be ours, and it was going to last FOREVER---until that unfathomable day that he was killed by…Continue
Soul of Life
awake my soul;
peacefully; the soul of my mate at rest.
will I find my answers or my fate,
when he was the best?
awake my soul.
I can breathe in the air.
unfamiliar, and unaware.
my surroundings take me there.
they take me there.
awake my soul,
still here, not…
Now, all we have are our memories.
That's really too bad, especially after all that we shared, and all that we had.
But we have the memories.
And sometimes the memories seem faded and distant and old.
especially considering that one day...one day I WILL BE old, and he'll always be this young, handsome dude.
but the memories...
we hold on tight to those memories.
please keep in mind that this is coming from a vegetarian mind.
It's been a long time with out Craig. Over a year. I miss him. I think that could be the biggest understatement of the year. He's been weighing heavy on my mind lately. I know how proud he'd be of the changes I've made in my life, he'd be jacked about the studio and how well the dogs have been. He'd be the most proud of his little boy. He's walking all over the place now... Craig would be having so…Continue
My 21st blog on the 12th of September.
September....yikes. It's a difficult month for me. I have been keeping very busy, keeping my mind occupied with an array of things, keeping my body busy too.
Craig's birthday was September 2nd. He would have been 25.
Craig's accident was September 25th. He died on the 27th. I am 27.
Our son is 10.5 months old...he is absolutely…Continue
Peach tree memories:
It was winter 2011 when Craig and I fell in love with our dream family home. A fair sized property, adequate to take on our needs and desires. It was in deed a fixer upper but we could see the potential non-the-less.
Since it was March when we moved in, not every tree was in bloom but we could tell that the trees were by far our favorite part of the property.
A rainy day in Port Bruce with my new love.
Hmmm... I'm not entirely sure how this blog is going to go...I am sort of free writing here. I am feeling so much, and on crazy levels...deep,... unfathomably deep levels. On every end of the spectrum.
1) beyond bereaved-the sudden loss of my sweet husband & best friend Craig.
In advance I'd like to apologize for my defective mood and possibly my horrid proclivity in expressing myself in this blog. I am not in a positive place at the moment. I may use distasteful language, just so everyone's warned.
although some wonderful, unexpected things happened to me this June, for the most part June has been just fucking substandard. I know that it's expected considering it's still under a year since the sudden passing of my…Continue
So this will be my 17th blog I'm about to write...and that is hard to believe. I love reading them back though, its a reminder of how my journey has gotten me here... and with all honesty, as crazy as this is about to sound......
I am really enjoying 'here' right now.
I am not ready to share this with all of the family and friends yet, not even close...but it's too good to keep to myself, so I am sharing it with you fine folks.
Weather has played a big part in my journey to that healing place.
When Craig died (late sept) it started to get very cold. On the day that he died, it was raining and miserable but miraculously when he was announced 'diseased' @ 12:44pm the sun came out and shined so bright. The days following Craig's death it was windy, but not cold. The whole autumn season was eerily warm. I felt a calm when I would walk around our property and hear the leaves dance around in circles around the…Continue
I try to think back to when I was a little girl...
did I have those ideas of being a bride and having a dreamy wedding? You know, that fairy tale, ball and gown day, fit for a prince and princess kind of day?? ...I really do not…Continue
I've described this feeling that I get at this time each month in a previous blog, and without fail, it happens again. I thought for sure, since I've been working hard at progression, that this feeling would ease off, but of course....not one bit.
I just returned from Camp Widow East…