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Anna's Blog (5)

I'm having a big crying day

It's been 13 months. My wife Carla died June 12, 2016. Sunday is her birthday but she's dead so she's not getting any older. I am 47 and I get older every year, but Carla will always be 56. If I ever hear anyone complain about turning 60, I want to punch them.

I was doing reasonably well. In fact, I'm much better now…


Added by Anna on July 20, 2017 at 8:30am — 1 Comment

Mornings are still hard

11 months out. My brain is still programmed to expect her. I still wake up sad and the house is so disappointingly empty. She is supposed to be at the table drinking coffee and reading the paper. Then go to the closet and pick a beautiful pressed shirt to wear to work. She always looked fabulous. Every morning is a disappointment. At least I don't wake up crying any more. I just wake up sad.

I feel as if…


Added by Anna on May 16, 2017 at 6:30am — 2 Comments

Starting to enjoy my new life.

I'm 11 months out. I’m starting to enjoy the freedom of being single. I did not want the freedom of being single. I would prefer to have my wife, my soul mate, my better half. I'd do anything to have my old life back. It was happy and carefree. We had 17 years of love and respect. But since I’m single, I now see that I can enjoy this too. I feel a little bit guilty, but not very guilty because I know she's smiling down at me saying YES! Enjoy yourself when you can!!



Added by Anna on May 14, 2017 at 8:30pm — 1 Comment

These days I'm anxious.

A year ago I was taking care of my wife Carla in hospice. She had 11 weeks from diagnosis to death. Breast cancer. Diagnosed March 28; hospice started April 14; she died June 12 at home in our bed. She never even had a hospital bed, it was just our regular bed. She was 56 and I was 46. We had been together 17 years.…


Added by Anna on April 25, 2017 at 5:12pm — 5 Comments

9 months

Today is the 9 month anniversary. 9 months ago I was lying here in bed next to my wife of 17 years. It was a warm sunny morning just like today. Very quiet. I was watching her breathe and wondering if she would die any minute. Then she did. We were just two people in bed together breathing. And then only one of us was breathing.
A year ago we had no idea she was even…

Added by Anna on March 12, 2017 at 7:29am — 1 Comment

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