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Blue Snow's Blog (47)

My Fifth Memorial Day

I have mentioned the term 'Memorial Day' in twenty-four blog entries in my personal blog (The Misadventures of Widowhood). I know this because the ‘search this blog’ feature mysterious started working again and since I’m a statistics kind of person, I’m happy about that. Though, honestly, sometimes I wonder why I still bother to reread past posts in an effort to take my widowhood temperature, comparing earlier…

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Added by Blue Snow on May 30, 2016 at 7:00am — No Comments

Fourth Sadiversary on Widowhood Lane

My mom died on Easter thirty-two years ago, my dad died on Christmas fifteen years ago and my husband passed away four years ago the middle of Janurary. With Mom and Dad’s deaths both falling on holidays it’s impossible to let their sadiversaries slide by without thinking about them. With Don’s I get through the holidays before the anticipation of his sadiversary gets kick-started on New Year’s Day. Even though he died on a nondescript day in the middle of a nondescript month I doubt I’ll…
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Added by Blue Snow on February 6, 2016 at 5:00am — 3 Comments

Three Full Years a Widow

The third sadiversary of Don’s passing is coming up soon and I don’t know how to feel about that. I do know that I’ve let him go and I am at peace with where he’s at. But I still think of him daily. How could I not? I often feel him still around me. It may seem overly dramatic to quote a well-known poem here but I’m going to do it anyway. It was printed on the remembrance cards handed out at Don’s memorial service and sometimes when I read it, it speaks so softly to me I can barely hear…
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Added by Blue Snow on January 17, 2015 at 9:04am — 7 Comments

Third Christmas Without My Husband...

Days before my first Christmas without Don I wrote a post titled Where Have You Gone, Christmas? and it started like this: “In a year of firsts for widows, probably the hardest first is not the same one across the board. Some might say their wedding anniversary; others might say the birthday that can no longer add a number to an age, still others would name Thanksgiving,…

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Added by Blue Snow on December 21, 2014 at 9:35am — 3 Comments

Memorial Day: Year Three

Oh, cripe, Memorial Day is coming again! It will be my third since Don died and I'm still not sure how I want to design my personal traditions for marking this sadiversary/holiday. I’d feel guilty if I didn’t do something to acknowledge the M word day. Before Don’s stroke we had a long standing tradition of going to eight or nine grave sites in cemeteries spread out over several counties. He cared about decorating his ancestors’ graves. He decorated graves with his parents long before I came…

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Added by Blue Snow on May 25, 2014 at 5:30am — 2 Comments

Comparing Widows---Ya, I Know That’s Bad

From my days of being a caregiver in the stroke community I know several women who were widowed in the same time frame as me---just over two years ago. So it’s natural---or maybe I should say it’s tempting for me to compare where I’m at compared to where they’re at as we all transition to a life of living alone.

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One of them—I’ll call her Exhibit ‘A’---within a couple of months of losing “the love…

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Added by Blue Snow on March 18, 2014 at 9:30am — 2 Comments

Valentine's Day - 25 Months Out



Before our big downsizing after Don’s stroke, I collected greeting cards. Fifty years’ worth of collecting went up for auction along with more than half of our possessions and I never started collecting cards again even though the inclination to do so pops its head up from time to time. Of my card collection, I only saved a few things including an old leather suitcase full of Valentines from the 1800’s that came down through Don’s family and an 8” x 10” Valentine's…
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Added by Blue Snow on February 12, 2014 at 5:30am — 5 Comments

The Second Sadiversary

A year ago when I was at the end of my first year of widowhood and on the threshold of my second I wrote the following words: “I acknowledge, now, that the second year of widowhood is not going to be sunny stroll on other side of a tunnel door that I had imagined. It’s not going to be a tar pit, either, holding me in place. It’s going to be a step by step climb as I rebuild my life and find me again---the woman who is sometimes wise, sometimes silly but…

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Added by Blue Snow on January 9, 2014 at 2:00pm — 2 Comments

The Widow's Christmas Letter

In my family I have a bit of a reputation for writing self-deprecating Christmas letters. It started on a whim a dozen years ago after I had gotten a holiday letter from an acquaintance who had listed month after month of things like: “In January we spent several glorious weeks on the French Riviera where we ____.” (Fill in the blank and let your imagination run wild when you do. She claimed to have done just about everything a tourist could do and then some.) By the time I got to December…

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Added by Blue Snow on December 13, 2013 at 6:30am — 4 Comments

A Widow’s Holiday Secrets and Confessions

“We can all find reasons to be thankful,” I was told when I was lamenting the fact that I wasn’t looking forward to spending Thanksgiving with strangers. Ya, sure we can. After all, isn’t thankfulness 'mindset' #12' in the Handbook for Better Living, a book I’ve been preaching from my entire life? Thankfulness is a cornerstone of philosophic thought all over the world and I know the Thanksgiving Day drill: “Dear Lord, I’m thankful…

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Added by Blue Snow on November 25, 2013 at 4:00pm — 9 Comments

My Second Memorial Day Without My Husband

Memorial Day means different things to different people. For most people it’s just the kick off to summer and a long weekend for having family fun or for working on an outdoor project. For some, it’s all about honoring our fallen military men and women. Still others use the weekend to decorate at the cemetery, a tradition dating back to shortly after the Civil War when families would gather to clean up the grave yards at the end of spring. In the realm of useless information cluttering up my…

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Added by Blue Snow on May 29, 2013 at 5:00am — 4 Comments

First Anniversary of my Husband's Passing

Tomorrow will mark the one year anniversary of the day Don died. Three hundred and sixty-five days of widowhood. In that year thousands of words have been written in my blog covering a speculum of emotions from raw grief and frustration to sweet memories and attempts to understand my world turned upside down. Twelve months. 8,760 hours. So many anniversaries and holidays, so many ways to mark the passing of time and the road I’ve traveled since he died. Yet there are days---long days---when…

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Added by Blue Snow on January 17, 2013 at 5:30am — 6 Comments

What Will the Future Bring?

In twelve, short winter days it will be a full year since Don passed away. The year went by quickly and I am grateful I am past the panicked stage of grief and the crazy I-have-to-do-everything-all-at-once feelings that chased me around for so many months. And tonight as I think about what it means to face this first anniversary I am reminded of a passage I read in a book a long time ago, Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden: “Whatever our struggles and triumphs, however we may suffer…

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Added by Blue Snow on January 6, 2013 at 6:30am — 8 Comments

A Widow's Letter to Myself

Are you tired of crying? Are you tired of feeling sorry for yourself? What are you waiting for? A committee of friends to bind your wounds or maybe a White Knight to come riding in to save you from the perils of your own thoughts?

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Don’t cry over the past, it’s gone.
Don’t stress over the future, it hasn’t arrived.
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Yada yada, yada we’ve all heard that two-line platitude before. It goes around Facebook like a…

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Added by Blue Snow on December 27, 2012 at 2:30am — 6 Comments

Believe in the Things we Can Not See

As widows, there is a great deal to be gained by believing in the unseen and unseeable world. None of us knows what is on the other side of death, what connection our spouses may still have with those of us left behind. But I feel it, the presence of my husband's love still around me. This I must accept on faith and I ask: how does that differ from before his passing? Love is not something you can hold in your hand or weigh on a scale or photograph. Love always comes on faith, an intangible…

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Added by Blue Snow on December 24, 2012 at 11:00pm — 3 Comments

Where Have You Gone, Christmas?

In a year of firsts for widows, probably the hardest first is not the same one across the board. Some might say their wedding anniversary; others might say the birthday that can no longer add a number to an age, still others would name Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years Eve. For all widows the holiday season, as a whole, is full of painful reminders of long standing family traditions that can never be the same again. Each holiday song heard in a store, each light on a neighbor’s house,…

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Added by Blue Snow on December 21, 2012 at 4:30pm — 5 Comments

26 Random Acts of Kindness Project to Support the People in Newtown

Have you heard about Ann Curry's 26 Acts of Kindness Campaign to honor the victims of Sandy Hook school? It's gone viral all over the world through Twitter and Facebook with people reporting on the random acts of kindness they've doing or are planning to do. I'm thinking maybe if we, as widows, take part in this campaign it will take the focus off our own loneliness during this difficult time of the year. The idea is for everyone to commit 26 acts of kindness, one in the name of each of the…

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Added by Blue Snow on December 18, 2012 at 5:30pm — 3 Comments

Color Coding Widows and other Insensitive Things

I wish the world would go back to color-coding people, or rather the clothing society requires us to wear. You know what I mean---make all the widows wear black for a year, have all the harlots wear red to advertise their wares. Protect all the virgins with pale pink. We could even take the color-coding a step farther and put all the hot heads in neon orange and the people into Zen could wear sky blue. Think how much easier life must have been when the good guys all wore white hats and the…

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Added by Blue Snow on December 14, 2012 at 11:30am — 15 Comments

A Candle in a Widow's Window

There’s a dollar store close by and sometimes when I’m out running errands I’ll stop there because I don’t want to go home just yet. A few days ago as I wandered the aisles I came across a box of battery operated Christmas candles, the kind people put in their windows through the holidays. It’s an ancient tradition borrowed from many cultures. In Ireland, for example, during a time when Catholics were persecuted, a candle in the window signified that it was a safe house for priests to visit.…

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Added by Blue Snow on November 23, 2012 at 8:30am — 12 Comments

Imperfect in Life, Perfect in Death

We widows tend to put our spouses on pedestals. And why not. There’s nothing to be gained by cataloging the things that used to annoy us when our husbands were alive. It would only make us feel petty or ashamed to remember the hissy-fits we had over things like a forgotten anniversary, tracking snow in the house and toothpaste caps that didn’t get put back on. When our husbands were alive, most of us never would have acknowledged there could come a day when we’d give anything to have one of…

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Added by Blue Snow on November 11, 2012 at 12:00pm — 8 Comments

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