There are so many twists and turns along the grief pathway. I wrote this two and a half years after my husband died. I was just beginning to feel hopeful again. Today I am six and a half years past Ken's death. I am here to report that I have rediscovered happiness, something I never thought would be possible. I wish the same for every widow and widower.
Sigh. Then there are the moments when the dead feel really, really, really, really far away. Really gone. Really dead. Really not here anymore. Really not influencing daily life anymore. Really not living. Not here. Gone. Dead. Irrelevant. Missing in action. Not a husband, not a father, not a friend, not someone who can lend you any kind of warm hand anymore.
This is not my favorite part of grief. This is just sad. This just makes me screw up my…
(I wrote this a few days ago, on my birthday.)
Loss is timeless. Ken's brother got an email the other day from someone who just found out that Ken died. He wrote to express his sympathy, six and a half years later. Good for him. Loss is timeless. You can be moving along rather nicely, whistling, enjoying the view, and then it can root you like quicksand. It holds you. You may want to escape its grip, but it's strong. When it gets you, it can be hard to move forward. …
I'm going to write a gloomy post for a change. Normally I try to be upbeat about the havoc death brought upon me and mine. Generally, I aim to be filled with perspective and humor: after all, everyone dies. Death isn't special; it's expected. You can learn lessons from it! It can make you appreciate simple things, like waking up in the morning with your heart still pumping and your brain synapses still firing!
Today I want to tell you that I hate that more than six years have gone by…Continue
When I was 6 years old my family went to Expo 67 in Montreal. I remember walking over a huge…Continue
We all have to find what works for us when it comes to getting through the pain of loss. My way is my way. Yours is yours. I've used writing my entire life to work through difficult spots and to understand my life. I think its a tool that anyone can use. You don't have to show anyone your writing, you don't even have to save what you write. Or you can start a blog, write a letter, or keep a journal devoted to your grief. The simple act of writing down your deepest feelings has been proven to…Continue
Are you ready to stop thinking about your late husband or wife on a regular basis? Will you ever get enough of those old memories? Will next year's anniversary of the death pass by without psychological mayhem? Will you ever stop wanting to say his or her name aloud around those who knew your wife or husband best?
They've had a rather stunning effect on me, those words I heard on the radio when Nancy Berns was discussing her book called, Closure: The Rush to End Grief and What it Costs Us.
The words bear repeating because I think they are incredibly wise. It's just taken slow me a long time to get it: You don't need closure to heal. You don't need closure to heal. You don't need closure to heal.
These words have given me an enormous sense of peace and permission to…Continue
Added by Jill on November 11, 2011 at 7:03am — No Comments
Grief and hope try to be friends, but it isn't easy. Grief pulls back, gets scared, loses its mind in the past. Hope moves forward quickly, not even imagining all the trouble that might lie in wait up ahead. Hope is full of energy. Hope wants to branch out, try something new, get out and get going.
Grief takes a big long nap and is grateful for the quiet. Grief needs to lose weight and feels too heavy to get up and start all over again. Grief holds on tight to what is known.…Continue
I wanted to share here the words of an incredible writer, with people, like all of you, who understand the depths of grief. It is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. "Mary Tyler Mom", a fellow Chicagoan, is documenting on her blog, the tale of her 2 year old daughter's cancer treatment. Be forewarned, the story doesn't end well, but the hope and love and compassion, and above all, STRENGTH, is palpable and amazing.
Here's the link:…Continue
Added by Jill on September 10, 2011 at 7:07am — No Comments
Yes folks, it's true. When you finally feel as though you've recovered from losing your spouse, you might just have one last hurdle to jump.
You can tell yourself that you feel better, that you're no longer drowning in grief, in fact, you just might…Continue
Added by Jill on August 11, 2011 at 4:31pm — No Comments
On my blog The Heartbreak Diary (www.aheartbreakdiary.blogspot.com), I encourage people to try using writing as just one tool for managing the overwhelming emotions caused by losing your spouse. Here's an example of a writing exercise that I found helpful from a post I wrote on January 25, 2010. I had been widowed for four years. I hope that a simple idea like this might be helpful to you too. I've also included here some of the many…Continue