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Smallfish1 (Mariann)'s Blog (4)

Another Blindside

The day my husband left the house to run an errand and never returned because he suffered a massive heart attack and died--that was a huge blindside.  My life spiraled out of control pretty rapidly into a pit of anxiety and loneliness.  Gone without warning. 

Within days of the funeral service friends and family members returned to their daily routines leaving me feeling abandoned and utterly alone...another unexpected blindside.  For sure they would be there to hold me up when…

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Added by smallfish1 (Mariann) on February 22, 2013 at 5:25am — 19 Comments

Is Today the First Day?

Is today the first day of the rest of my life?  As of today the twelve months of "firsts" has officially ended.  So now what?  We are all warned not to make hasty, life changing decisions in the first months following our loss.  Changes we might regret once we regain emotional stability.  Wish I could put a carpenters level on whatever or wherever it is in my body that determines whether or not my emotions are in balance.  When can I start living life again without the risk of regret?  Is it…

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Added by smallfish1 (Mariann) on February 1, 2013 at 3:24am — 4 Comments

One Year Later

Here I am one year later.  In some ways still in disbelief that I live alone.  It's been one year and I still have his boots next to the door.  I still don't put the toilet paper on the roll (that used to drive him crazy so I did it to annoy him).  The dump sticker is on my windshield and I've become a regular at the dump and the recycling bin.  No snow or ice build up in the gutters, the bird feeders are full most of the time.  I guess I'm adjusting to the routine.  It is just so damn…

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Added by smallfish1 (Mariann) on January 31, 2013 at 4:44am — 5 Comments

When Roads in Life's Journey Instersect

Yesterday I made my six month visit to the Cancer Care Center.  I've been cancer free for two years and this was a routine checkup with a new doctor.  As I sat in the waiting area I watched couples coming and going and thought about the days when I attended my visits at the center as the patient half of an anxious couple.  The door of the treatment area opened and a lady exited.  I watched her as she left the building and walked to an area known as the healing garden.  An area that my late…

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Added by smallfish1 (Mariann) on November 10, 2012 at 4:57am — 5 Comments

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