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DavidB's Blog (12)

Memories in stone.

I write some memories in pencil on the back of a used envelope.

Should I paint your name on the door frame or write with sharpies on the wall?

Set up scaffolding and lay on my back to paint your portrait upon the ceiling.

Leave you a note written in bar soap on the bathroom mirror like I used to do.

The time slips away and they mention you so rarely.

But my soul searches for your presence everyday.

Should I paint your name in broad…

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Added by DavidB on June 8, 2016 at 4:18pm — 2 Comments

Mothers Day unspoken.

I was hard for my 2 daughs, although they did not mention it at all. I think that is how I knew. They are 23 and 20 and still at home, but heading off to stay at college in the fall. The younger did want a hug and cried on my shoulder, but there was no discussion from either of them, and I did not ask. We are normally very open about our thoughts and feelings, but today I just sensed that nothing needed to be said. Naturally I miss my wife, but I feel very sad for my girls. Facing…

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Added by DavidB on May 8, 2016 at 7:45pm — 1 Comment

Anguish

Anguish.

I struggle for sleep. I get plenty tired....both physically and mentally. But that final drift into sleep escapes me, until I absolutely crash.

Of course I grieve. It is lonely, it is sad and the heart aches. I think I have come to accept that, have for some time really.

But when I try to sleep the mind will not let me. During the past 4 years as the husband, best friend and caregiver....I just did the best I could. Move to the next thing, anticipate the next…

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Added by DavidB on April 30, 2016 at 6:18pm — 6 Comments

The coffee is no remedy, the music is no cure.

The coffee is no remedy, the music is no cure.

As the day grinds I lean my head against the wall.

Her picture looks so pretty to me, you know, she always did.

Staring down the street again, is it sun or is it rain?

The lyrics must have a meaning, to someone, I am sure.

The words floating in the air are but faint whispers in my ears.

It's the rhythm that touches my soul, the beat that drives my mind.

Perhaps the beating of my…

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Added by DavidB on April 24, 2016 at 7:00pm — No Comments

sometimes....

Sometimes it just hurts......and absolutely nothing helps...and you just wish you could sleep so you could try again tomorrow.

Added by DavidB on April 16, 2016 at 8:30pm — 2 Comments

Bobcat

I find myself out on the porch at 2 or 3 in the morning because, well, sleep is difficult.

This week for a few nights at that time I would hear a Bobcat, relatively close. Across the road in the Swale of a wooded area, maybe 100 yards.

Deep darkness and mostly silent except for some soft wind chimes. It's more of a short scream and kind of eerie.

The call, or scream would echo through the trees in the darkness. There was no return call from another.

It made me…

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Added by DavidB on April 9, 2016 at 9:57pm — 7 Comments

A new emotion

Is this a new phase i am going into?...probably.

I am not mad or angry. But I am starting to feel frustration.

I have been looking into things I can do, groups I can join....to keep busy and somewhat social. I admit I am having some anxiety about that.

Meeting new people and having to tell the story, which then again brings the raw emotions to the surface. feeling frustration that I have to go through this.

Well, I don't HAVE to....but I can't just be a…

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Added by DavidB on March 24, 2016 at 8:31pm — 3 Comments

You should be here.

"You should be here..."  I heard those lyrics in a song yesterday, and ain't it the truth.

You SHOULD be here, we were supposed to grow old together. I never thought this would happen in a million years.

It is 9 months today since my wife passed. Last July I could not imagine making it this far.... But we take one day at a time.

I am really confused on who I am or who I am supposed to be. That is to say that I get through the days with the tasks and…

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Added by DavidB on March 16, 2016 at 7:56am — 1 Comment

Empty Days

A while back I was able to write my feelings and emotions, my thoughts, my sadness.....on here some but on a FB site and in a journal.

I have been feeling very lost for 4 or 6 weeks or so.....probably longer. I am actually forcing myself to type this in tonight. I just have felt empty and no urge to express or communicate.

I do have a couple friends that are very supportive. One is a widow, about the same length of time as me, that is an old school acquaintance. I was…

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Added by DavidB on March 7, 2016 at 8:39pm — 2 Comments

I am not Ulysses S. Grant :-)

I like music. I am not a fanatic to know every detail of a song, though. Generally I know the tune but seldom know the lyrics. I use music as more of a background while working.

I chose that title because he was tone deaf. He once said "I know only two tunes: one of them is 'Yankee Doodle', and the other isn't. That always makes me laugh.

I had been hearing a particular song for a while, several months at least. It sounded kind of sad and I…

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Added by DavidB on February 20, 2016 at 6:49pm — 3 Comments

Is this real?

Coming up on 8 months since my wife passed (16th). I guess I am adjusting somewhat. We have to, we can't live in the same spot emotionally. Life has to go on even as difficult as it can be sometimes.

I am trying to rebuild my business and that keeps me busy, when I can stay focused. Priorities changed after Linda became sick 4 years ago and I lost a lot of clients. I have no regrets of that. I wanted to spend every possible moment I could with her. We knew from the start there…

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Added by DavidB on February 5, 2016 at 7:00pm — 2 Comments

What a crazy roller coaster ride.

I joined here a couple days ago and have been looking around trying to get a feel for the site.

My wife passed away in June of 2015 after 3 1/2 years of batting cancer. The first 5 months I was just kind of numb.

When December came the weight of losing her really came down on me. Maybe it was the 6 month thing or into the holidays, or both.

I have done some writing of poems and messages and that helped some. I joined a couple groups on FB and that was helpful for…

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Added by DavidB on February 1, 2016 at 9:41pm — 2 Comments

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