NMWidower's Blog (18)

Hello everyone,

I had to make a quick post as I had quite an epiphany last night.  It has been just over three years since my wife Heidi passed away in quite a tragic fashion and this is the third Christmas we have had without her.  But this is also the first Christmas we have had since I have been remarried.  In fact I got remarried just over six months ago.

What really hit me last night was that for the first time in who knows how long I truly was completely…

In just three weeks I will once again marry a beautiful and amazing woman and rejoin the ranks of the married. In preparing to go to Texas this week to get a marriage license I happened upon death certificates and the marriage license that my late wife and i gathered.  Not that i really think I will need these, but there is part of me that just likes to be prepared for possible contingencies!  But in looking at these tonight I cant help but remember and feel a bit sad knowing that life Heidi…

Christina Rasmussen is the founder of second firsts.  I have been connected with her page on facebook for quite awhile now.  While I may not always agree 100% with everything she says, I have really appreciated the way she encourages people who have had a loss of a spouse to live again. Many of her posts helped me find that will to want to live life again...

She had this post today that encouraged me and several other widow/widower friends today I thought I would pass it on…

I spent this Christmas visiting my late wife's family in Texas.  One of my late wife's close relatives lost thier middle child (a teenager) about 2 years before my wife passed away and had the plaque on her wall.  It really touched me because as someone who had experienced a loss I know they understood the challenge and the difficulty that is associated with grieving.  It really provided me perspective I needed on Christmas day 2011. It read:…

Oh My goodness. some days in life are just not exactly what one planned.  Today (Christmas morning 2011) was one of those days.

We had been visiting my late wife's family this Christmas and it just got me really emotional today.  I am a very visual memory person and the last time we were all together was that Christmas just 2 short months after we lost Heidi.  I found my mind in what almost felt like replaying old memories feel many of the same emotions felt back then.…

There is definitely a part of me that wishes that November 5th did not spawn that famous poem in response to Guy Fawkes day.  On the night of November 5th, throughout Britain, people commemorate the capture of Guy Fawkes with bonfires and fireworks, and by burning an effigy of Guy.  Guy Fawkes apparently was part of a plot to blow up parliament but was captured.

No for me that poem does not have any significance as far as Guy Fawkes day, it was the day that my dear wife Heidi passed…

I posted this today as my facebook status and I just wanted to share it here today. 

Here was my post:

“Every Mistake, Every moment of weakness, every terrible thing that has happened to you, Grow from it." -- I saw this on someone's wall as part of a quote today and had to share it. I love what this says. I think this is so very true and have always felt that is a big key to success and happiness in life... While I can’t…

What an exciting time to be alive for me.  I feel like I can finally see the summit and that I am getting close in my journey.  Yet in spite of that I also have seen new and different challenges in this last part of the journey that I totally did not expect. 

These last few months have been good and yet challenging in different ways.  It has felt great to be living life again and yet I also find I have new struggles in that now as I move into this new phase I again…

I just heard this song for the first time tonight.  It had me all in tears.  What a precious precious song about two widows helping each other out.   The song is based on the biblical story of Ruth in the bible.  Essentially in this story you have a woman Naomi and her husband and with two sons.  They travel to a foreign country to live because of a famine.  The sons eventually marry foreign wives, of which one of these is Ruth.  However over time Naomi's huband dies and so do her two sons. …

My mother in law (Heidi's mom) has noticed a lot of rainbows almost every time she finds herself thinking about Heidi that I tell the girls if they want to see a rainbow hang out with Grammie Helen. When she was here visiting at our house a few weeks ago she ended up seeing a few of them too which was really neat especially considering the drought conditions New Mexico has been experiencing. 

In light of that the last few times I have seen a rainbow I have told the girls…

I have been thinking a lot about a song I heard almost a year ago that was not easy to hear at the time especially knowing it was sung by a fellow widower.  You see Danny Gockey is also a widower who lost his wife about a year or two before I lost mine and I remember hearing him sing this as a guest on American Idol early on in my grieving.  I remember it because I was expecting a widower to sing a…

This morning I woke up to the sound of my 5 year old Annabeth so excited to wish me Happy Father's day and to give me a homemade card she made for me. It was a "secret project" she had been working on with our nanny this week and was so excited to give it to me.  Opening it up and reading it just really made my day today.

In my year of firsts (i.e. the first key dates in the first year of loss) there were a few days that I found for me were harder for me than others.  I think many of…

I heard this song again today and was reminded of how much this song blessed me this last year.  I heard this song near my birthday this last year for the first time and it really encouraged me during a tough time because I think my birthday was the hardest day I had in grieving in my first year.  I just felt so broken and alone and crushed at that time, that hearing that song just reminded me of so many words from the bible that the Lord encouraged me in.   I had written many reflections…

I came across this song again today and thought I would post it.  During grief there are so many days one feels "stuck"  or lost.  You know you cant go back no matter how much you want to , but it hurts a lot  facing the loss and grieving.  Yet even in rebuilding I find the song "Pull Me Out" by Bebo Norman also means a lot to me.  I posted it here with thy lyrics too.  I know it has blessed me.

I like that in the words of this song  the person finds themselves in a similar…

One cannot help but asking "Why Oh Lord" in the midst of all of the suffering and wonder where are you and why are…

My poor yard and garden have suffered terribly in the last almost 19 months since my wife passed away.  I have trees that are either dead or on serious life support, some with beetle infestations and others that have been mauled by Deer and look lopsided with branches missing.  The last two winters have been exceptionally harsh and the summers have been hot and dry.  I seriously think I have not been out to water or tend to them in nearly 10 months! Its really amazing anything survived out…

There is a pretty silly group on youtube called "Pomplamoose" that does different covers of songs and some very unique videos too.  I was just listening to them today and came across this song.

The thing I liked most about the song was this line "Dont Stop, Its the remedy for your achin heart".  I thought that was such a fitting line for where I am in my journey.  I have been thinking a lot about how this is a season of learning to endure and to persevere. 

It was…

Today marks 18 months to the day our lives changed so dramatically. It’s really amazing to me that this grief today seems different that my past grieving. It’s not so much the pain that Heidi is gone which was the earlier grief. It’s almost like a type of secondary grieving or grieving now the more dramatic affects of the loss.  In a way it almost feels like I am grieving that part of me that died with Heidi. I mean I know I’m alive and breathing and did not physically die, but in a way I…