A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
I wrote this for me, and for you, this Christmas season.
Added by CrazyWidow on December 24, 2012 at 10:02am — 3 Comments
I can feel the surge of the wave of grief. The tide pulling me out, under, sucking the breathe out of me and causing my heart to race. This is what happens when the past overwhelms me. It has become even more difficult to deal with as my brain tries to understand celebrating a present and a future while mourning a past. Sometimes those events overlap.
This week marked 2 years ago that I met the boy. Two wonderful, growing, and enriching years. This week also marks the week that…
ContinueAdded by CrazyWidow on April 26, 2012 at 10:15pm — 6 Comments
When I see these pictures of Kevin, just about a month after his 36th Birthday, his last birthday on earth,
I see such life.
Kevin would be 40 on Saturday, April 7, 2012.
It's a moment I know I, probably more than him, would have looked forward to. If he were here.
I know myself, and I have a feeling I'd be renting or making one of those "Lordy, Lordy, Looks Who's 40??" signs.
There would…
ContinueAdded by CrazyWidow on April 26, 2012 at 10:13pm — 3 Comments
Hello and greetings from CrazyWidow & CampWidow CWx2.
I realized, on my second year here at Camp Widow, that you can take time for yourself while you are here. Last year, I was overwhelmed - having broken my back 2 weeks prior to arrival, the trip was long and painful, and I was heavily medicated. I was presenting a blog workshop with the awesome Supa Dupa Fresh but just did not feel I had my wits about me. Combination of injury, drugs, and just plain…
ContinueAdded by CrazyWidow on April 21, 2012 at 1:29pm — 2 Comments
Hello and greetings from CrazyWidow & CampWidow CWx2.
I realized, on my second year here at Camp Widow, that you can take time for yourself while you are here. Last year, I was overwhelmed - having broken my back 2 weeks prior to arrival, the trip was long and painful, and I was heavily medicated. I was presenting a blog workshop with the awesome Supa Dupa Fresh but just did not feel I had my wits about me. Combination of injury, drugs, and just plain…
ContinueAdded by CrazyWidow on April 21, 2012 at 1:29pm — 2 Comments
Today I almost ran over my former neighbor.
I was driving to work, down one of 3 roads I take to get to the highway, and the one I drove on this morning was past our old address. The apartment that we first called home after living for a couple of months in my Grandparent’s farmette before it was sold. The apartment where I experienced my first roach. The apartment that first homed (secretly) our cat Darrell until the landlord found him. And then she gave…
Added by CrazyWidow on March 29, 2012 at 9:35am — 6 Comments
Added by CrazyWidow on March 22, 2012 at 11:08am — 9 Comments
I know your parents are always your parents but the past two weeks have made me realize that I may have hit that point in life where we become more confidantes than parent-child. The past 3+ years haven’t been exactly easy on my family. Kevin’s illness & death, the struggle with conception of of my niece (who just turned 1!), cancer in both my parents, the loss of a grandmother and grandfather, and continuing health struggles all around. Sometimes I wonder…
Added by CrazyWidow on March 20, 2012 at 9:17am — 3 Comments
How do you find balance?
Several months ago it was about finding a job that suited my financial and gift needs: check.
Then it became about creating a schedule that made time for work and social life: check.
Now it’s about finding time to make my health a priority. This one always seems to be #3 on the list and never makes it to #1. I will try and commit to taking care of myself for several weeks, and then I’ll slide off again and sink into old habits. Last week I…
ContinueAdded by CrazyWidow on March 20, 2012 at 9:16am — 2 Comments
Days like these remind me of Kevin. It’s that first scent of Spring Warmth. When you wake up and the Sun is already energizing the day. It’s the day when you feel like you can suffer through a chilly morning in shorts, capris, skirts and sandals knowing that the afternoon temps will warm you to the core. It’s the first day that you feel you should escape to the beach. At least, that’s the feeling and memory it conjures up in me. While these days I think “ooo,…
Added by CrazyWidow on March 20, 2012 at 9:16am — No Comments
It’s coming up on 2 years since the boy and I first met. As I blogged about yesterday, when the first scent of Spring hits my nostrils I start dreaming up the excitement and activity that the warm weather brings. Essentially I (and my allergies) come out of hibernation.
The boy and I have had the opportunity to do some great traveling together. One of the first things we did was go camping at the beach. While that weekend almost ended us, we struck through it and we’re still…
ContinueAdded by CrazyWidow on March 20, 2012 at 9:13am — 2 Comments
Sometimes I just don’t want to write about the big issues in life. It’s tiring. I don’t want to stir any pots. I want to just let things go. But then I read these words from my friend Erin and I know that even if I don’t want to, I should. For myself. For you.
I know people who will never argue well.
I know people say mean things in the heat of the moment.
I…
Added by CrazyWidow on March 20, 2012 at 9:12am — No Comments
Last August I attended my first Camp Widow with the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation in San Diego, CA. Not only was it my first Camp Widow, but I was presenting with my awesome friend Supa Dupa on blogging about grief. Despite my severe back injury at the time, I made it out there with the incredible help of my friend Donna who made…
Added by CrazyWidow on March 20, 2012 at 9:10am — No Comments
This morning I woke up with some anxiety. This tends to happen when I think back to Kevin lately. I feel like I think more about the fact that I’m a widow than I lost a husband. Kevin feels so distant from me. I don’t hear his voice as clear, I can’t remember how he felt or his laugh – it all feels so foreign, as if our life never happened. But it did. I have known that there is a date approaching that I possibly fear more than any anniversary or sadversary or…
Added by CrazyWidow on February 24, 2012 at 10:20am — 3 Comments
Could it be possible that in every second we are in the right place at the right time? Is it possible? Is it crazy to think this?
I am starting to think not, which is vastly different from what I believed over 3 1/2 years ago listening to Kevin’s cancer diagnosis. Wrong place. Wrong time. Wrong everything.
Of course, typing this I am in a happy state of mind. Life is going smoothly, no big hiccups, and I’m not in the midst of tragedy or bad circumstances. I will admit…
ContinueAdded by CrazyWidow on February 24, 2012 at 10:20am — 2 Comments
Thanks to Caleb Wilde for stumbling upon an old post of mine from 2 weeks after Kevin’s death. With the new blog site up and running, it’s neat (and sometimes heart wrenching) to see my old posts come to life for my readers. One such blog caught Caleb Wilde’s attention. He runs a very interesting blog called “Confessions of a Funeral Director“. Yep, you read that right. You can find an older post of mine that he brought back to life yesterday…
ContinueAdded by CrazyWidow on February 24, 2012 at 10:19am — No Comments
You lost someone you love, maybe a soulmate, sibling, parent, or friend. You have now entered a world of emotion that you may have never faced before to this extreme. Everything you feel, feels wrong, and the ways in which you go through life feel that way too.
Grieving is like the ocean. At first, it’s a storm, blowing the waves, knocking you down, drowning you. As the numbness sets in, the storm passes and you feel a continual lap of the waves always at your…
Added by CrazyWidow on February 24, 2012 at 10:18am — No Comments
Since I am very involved in the widowed community I read all types of things across the internet. On Facebook in particular I’m friends with widows who have lost their spouses to “natural causes”, heart attacks, cancer, accidents, drugs and suicide (to name a few). Several years ago, when Michael Jackson died, I became very angry and jealous. It had been about two weeks after Michael’s death and I was pissed that his death continued to cloud my media stream. His…
Added by CrazyWidow on February 24, 2012 at 10:17am — No Comments
I am in the place where widowhood isn't my every day life; here my biggest concerns are the headaches I'm getting from fluorescent lights and the backpain I feel from an uncomfortable chair. He doesn't fly across my radar every day. When I think of who I miss, it's my boyfriend who's in another land right now. It's weird...and wonderful.
There always feels like there should be a guilt attached to moving on, and I can't distinguish if this comes up from the way I was raised…
ContinueAdded by CrazyWidow on February 11, 2012 at 7:43pm — 2 Comments
Big thanks to Fresh Widow who organized this "Sh*t People Say to Widows" video - it was fun to participate in this and to see the final result. While I understand now that many people have good intentions in what they say to widows, it still doesn't annul the fact that people say some dumb things. See for yourself:…
ContinueAdded by CrazyWidow on February 11, 2012 at 7:42pm — No Comments
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