CrazyWidow's Blog – June 2011 Archive (10)

I guess I never expected life to turn out this way.  In fact, I know I never expected this.  I did not know life could be hard or difficult.  I was happily sheltered from that when I was younger.  We had what we needed, a few extras when we were able, and we got through.  I never knew the bad.

I always dreamed (circa 15 years old) that I'd go to Northwestern University, take over for Katie Couric when she either quit or retired (when she quit I was secretly vying her job) and travel…

Loss comes in all shapes and sizes; through people, dreams and difficulties.  I met Shanelle of Full of Bliss Baked Goods (BTW - she makes a butt kicking makes anyone feel better chocolate chocolate chocolate cake) at my very first "Tweetup" here in Lancaster.  Maybe it was our matching uber-Lancaster county roots that drew me to her, but I sat next to her and enjoyed her humor, her…

Facebook is not just for the living.  There you'll find my late husband, Kevin Boitson.  After a devastating alert passed across my screen telling me "You haven't connected with Kevin in a while" when he had been dead a couple of months, I was informed by friends that I could immortalize him in Facebook by having his active page changed to a memoriam page.  The only way one knows this is by clicking on his Facebook page to see…

When I say words ending with "ion" in my head I do it with an Adam Sandler voice.  I believe somewhere in the history of TV, movies or in my generally freaked out personality Adam Sandler would say words ending in "tion" or "ion" where his tone goes high with a question mark ending.  Today's word is frustratION.

I get frustrated a LOT.  I wonder if it's any more than the average person (whoever that is) or if I just get sick of putting on the happy face and being grateful for my…

Who is Brenda Boitson?  Is she a widow?  Well, yes.  Was she a wife?  Yes.  Is she a recovering Mary Kay consultant who know would rather wear hiking boots than heels?  Definitely.

I question who I am in my name, my self and my being aside from the titles that I have gained over the years.  I was once Brenda Boitson, Independent Beauty Consultant, Queen of Sales one year for my unit, Pink Gal to the core, never left the house without makeup.…

I'm fearful that I became a widow at 24 to prepare myself emotionally to support someone else in my life who may become a widow too early in life.  Who will it be?  I have a running tab of those who I am fearful will lose their husbands or wives and won't know what to do or how to deal.  Then again, if I thought I was going to lose my husband I probably would have thought I could not survive.  But I am.

I am fearful that for every piece of my old life I let go will lead me to…

I met Tara through an online organization that networks widows.  We were both young when we lost our "older" husbands (Kevin was 12 years older than I) and both had died of esophageal related cancers.  We have kept in contact since months after we lost our husbands and try to encourage one another along this difficult journey.  When Tara sent me her guest blog, I ended up tears feeling so many similar emotions that I had felt in my journey, in hers.  Read her story with an open heart and…

I have a cat.  Darrell.

He's pretty cute if I do say so myself - of course, I am a biased cat mommy.  I grew up with cats (we only had 1 dog, Blackie)-they all lived outside until I adopted one in 2003 named Radar and convinced my "NO CATS INDOORS" father to let him sleep inside.  Now Radar lives with my parents and is completely my Dad's cat & buddy.  Radar stayed with my parents when I moved out in 2004 because my new apartment would not allow pets.

In…

Meet Krustythecat, or at least, that's how I know her.  She's a feisty young widow, mother, and personality.  We met through Twitter and Widowed Village and enjoy bantering back and forth about our day to day struggles with grief, the things we hate that people say, and the realities of our new lives.  Now I'm going to let her share a bit of her story and the issues she faces in a new…

Trauma comes in many forms.  I never knew a happy event could be traumatic.  An event such as a wedding.  The 8 weddings and 4 baby showers I attended within the first year of Kevin's death were traumatic events.  "Til death do us part" stabbed me nearly every time.  Seeing a mother's growing womb and knowing I would never carry Kevin's child was another moment of sorrow.  I felt cynical at their thoughts and hope for a wonderful lifetime together and that they thought a lifetime would be…