Freddieb's Blog (25)

For the past two weeks I've been happy.  My daughter and her husband are expecting their 3rd child in April and I find myself smiling with joyful anticipation and wanting to tell everybody the good news! When Ashara was born, it was only 4 weeks after Walter's death.  And even though it was a beautiful time, it was so bittersweet for all of us.  She was such a beautiful baby, and we all grieved that he couldn't live long enough to see her so the first year of her life, I used to sit and rock…

Last Saturday morning I set out for my morning walk.  I have yet to run or jog, but I enjoy walking.  I've been walking 30 minutes a day at lunchtime during the week and on weekends I try to walk for at least an hour or more on Saturday and Sunday too, if I can.  I started this sincerely last September for my health and it's working. 

I enjoy walking because it helps me to clear my mind and take in my surroundings and all that God has created, and to hear myself breathe.  I try to…

June 3, 2012 was the 4th anniversary that I spent without Walter since he died three years ago.  I am a planner by nature and I planned to go to church in the morning and then at 4pm I bought a ticket well in advance to see the gospel group, Lee Williams and the Spiritual QC's.  Walter LOVED this group of old fashioned gospel/soul, quartet singers. He had a collection of their CD's which I haven't listened to since he passed away. I didn't ask anyone to come with me because I really just…

This Sunday my family and I will give the 3rd Annual Walter F. Burnett, Jr. Memorial Scholarship during our church's scholarship program that they have every year. Our church gives many scholarships that day and  I am grateful that we can be a part of it.  This all started as a labor of love to honor Walter and now three years later, it is more and more about the kids who will be honored and helped in some small way as they go to college or continue with college.  The children we choose are…

When I was a little girl I used to hear mother say, "now that's when the rubber meets the road."  I used to think that was the strangest saying I'd ever heard and I didn't really get what she was talking about.  I would giggle and be told to go play outside and stay out of grown folks conversations. Well, now I know what mama meant about that rubber meeting the road.  I know that she meant that there are times in your life when life itself will set you up for a test, when you will have to…

I really can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't taking care of someone, other than myself.  As a child I helped my mother care for my father when he was dying from cancer and I was with him when he died.  That had a profound affect on my life.  I was only 13 and I saw him take his last breath.  In my friendships I was always the one with the listening ear that they would bring their problems to, but rarely did I have anyone to talk to, so I wrote in my diary and for a long time I…

A few days ago I finally got the courage to tell a friend that I've known for 28 years that she had not been there for me like I expected after Walter died.  I've been carrying this feeling with me for 3 years trying not to say anything because I didn't feel strong enough to deal with what her reaction would be if I told her how I really feel.  But, finally I just had to say something before I let her continue to cause me to cry and wish I had someone other than my daughter to talk to that…

A poem by Freddie-girl.

Before you label me so neatly and put me in a box, allow me to tell you, if you don't mind, just who I really am.  My given name is Freddie, named after my daddy who adopted me and yes I am a gir!  I love sweet potato pie, collard greens and yes, sweet tea and more, Chinese food, Mexican food, Italian food - OK, I like food, you can put that in the box.

I love my two granddaughters more than life itself because they've been my lifeline these…

I am not feeling like Widowed village is a safe place for me right now.  I should be in bed, but, I feel like I have to say this so that I can sleep tonight.  I posted a blog earlier today because I was shocked and confused about a friend that I've know for almost 30 years who is engaged just 3 months after her husband's death.  They were married for more than 40 years and I KNOW she has not even touched the surface of her grief.  I know this because I have common sense and nobody recovers…

Today is the 3rd anniversary of Walter's death.  I am so intuned to my feelings today that I feel my heart beating.  It still beats for you, my love. I'm home today.  I took a vacation day in advance so that I could take care of myself.  I don't want to be strong today and I don't want to have duties or projects to complete, not today.  My daughter has called twice already this morning to talk about little nothings. :)  She's worried about her mom.  She shouldn't be.  It's OK for me to…

About 6 years ago, the year before Walter became desperately ill, he gave me 3 new dresses for Christmas.  We did not always have the same taste in clothing, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings.  I really liked two of the dresses, but I did not like the third one.  It was a red dress with a jacket and he knew I never wore red.  I like it on other people, just not on me.  Anyway, I never even tried it on, I just put it in the back of the closet with the tags stll on and over the years I've…

I am truly thankful for this Thanksgiving.  Yesterday was the 3rd Thanksgiving Day without Walter.  The first year was so painful because our friends who had made a tradition of having Thanksgiving with us for more than 10 years opted not to come that year and shared the day with another family instead.  I was so hurt because I really wanted them to come so that I could pretend that everything could still be normal and because I needed their support.  My friend wanted to come but she was out…

Something tragic happened this week.  My neighbor lost her youngest son in a traffic accident.  He was 29.  The details are sketchy right now, but they don't matter to her because knowing what really happened will not bring him back.  We became neighbors in 1998 when her family and my family moved into our newly built homes together right across the street from each other.  We both had sons named Richard.  She was going through a divorce and trying to raise 2 teenage boys and I had been…

Walter, it seems you are always on my mind, no matter where I am or what I'm doing. If I'm laughing I think of you, if I'm happy, I think of you, and if I'm sad I long for you because you would tell me that everything is going to be OK,don't worry, and then we would pray and you would wrap me in your arms.  We could sit for hours just like that and not have to say a word. Soulmates. I just miss you, my love and I know I always will.  You are my forever love and I will love you until the day…