The waiting is almost over, it seems a long time since it was mentioned and in two days time the operation will be over. I have just carried on with my usual routine, no sense in doing one of those "bucket list" gestures. I am somewhat of a fatalist so figure it will work out well and if it doesn't then I will have to learn to cope. Since all the tests and xrays started I have heard some very inspiring stories so know I am walking in giant's footsteps.
Friends have offered…Continue
Summer is full on today, hot dry and windy. Going outside for any period is not recommended. On days like this l feel lethargic. What to do? Reading, watching old movies, trying to keep cool.Sometimes it seems as if I just fill in my time. It is a feature of life for me this summer. Once it would have been a day by the Lake with a picnic basket, or somewhere near water but somehow that is not as much fun on my own. I can see how easy it is to become isolated.
To avoid isolation I…Continue
I am alone tonight, New Year's Eve. Just had a phone call from my younger son and a text from my daughter, so not forgotten by my family. I guess I should expect this now with no-one special in my life. I wasn't invited to a party or to join any of the families, I did have Christmas with family so that was our special family time . I am okay with my own company now so I should not complain.
My review to follow up the melanoma operation is next Thursday so I am remembering that…Continue
Christmas is over, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day holds no excitement for me. I have always felt that way. I have enjoyed Christmas this year, within it"s limits. I guess I will always yearn for what was the norm way back when we were still a functioning family, food, fun and family. I miss Ray, even when he was really sick he was still here, interacting with the kids and grandkids. Of course the grandchildren hardly remember those days now, five years is a long time in their young…Continue
Christmas is coming, time goes faster from now on. My plan is to go to my daughter again this year from Christmas Eve. This means missing out on some of my old activities but I can't really think of anything else to do. Some of my friends go on cruises, take advantage of offers from friends or simply plan to spend the day alone but I don't really like any of those options. In the past five years I have spent Christmas with my family with the exception of one year when the family could not…Continue
I was told on Friday I may be able to drive at the end of next week, I am so looking forward to that, it is over a month now since I had the operation on my leg and graft and I have spent most of that time with my leg elevated. Luckily I always have many meals frozen in advance in my freezer and friends have been kind and brought me fruit ( I can't eat chocolates...lol) so I haven't starved. The major frustration for me is that Spring is here and I can't get out into the garden to do all…Continue
Life sometimes changes fast as all we widows and widowers know. I have just spent a week in hospital six out of seven days on bed rest. I had a spot that looked like a mole on my leg, behind my left knee. Over the past couple of months it grew so I went to my doctor who then referred me to a Skin Cancer Clinic where it was removed under local anesthetic. A week later I was in surgery in a major hospital having a further surgery this time an extra area to take a "good margin off" to ensure…Continue
My mother spent a lot of time growing up with an aunt, her mother's older sister. The aunt spoke often in what we would call cliches or truisms and Mum used a lot of them herself. Some I agreed with like : "A stitch in time saves nine" how often did I wish I had mended the falling hem earlier, and "A watched pot never boils" so I had to learn to do something else while I waited for something to cook. One I have trouble with today is: "What the eye don't see, the heart don't grieve."…Continue
Added by only1sue on August 21, 2017 at 6:43pm — No Comments
I have been away for just over a week, I flew out to Broken Hill as the distance is too great to drive alone. I stayed with one son and together we drove for seven hours to visit my other son and his family. This is the only way I have managed to do that trip. I stayed with my younger son at a time when he had his daughter on access, we had a few fun days and then she got sick and we had two unhappy days with her. That is life when you have a pre-schooler and he always says he loves her…Continue
Just saw a movie recently where it was obvious the older woman could not let go of the past and I could see how that was hindering her progress in life. I know sometimes that is so me. I want things to be the way they were at some point in my life long gone that I considered looking back was the ideal life. If that can't happen I think I want my present life to be based on that. Well guess what? that is never going to happen. When Ray had the stroke in 1999 I was 43, working part-time,…Continue
I hate that helpless feeling that comes when something goes wrong in the family and I just know there is nothing I can do to alter what is happening. I know if Ray were still alive that he would have a contribution to make in the present situation. I know that on my own I will not jump into the car and go out and help, but if there were two of us that would happen. This is when being a widow sucks, when you need two wise heads in a situation. So I consulted my daughter and she said:…Continue
Winter weather is cold and wet again, we need the rain for crops further up the valley and to refill the local water supply so not a lot of point in complaining, winter will pass in time and it will be Spring again. I have been doing some of the needed outside work between rain periods so managed this afternoon to repot some of the bromeliads and weed some of the many pots around my back yard. It is not what I want to do but provides a reason to get up each morning and gives me something…Continue
We came to Australia when I was seven, a family of four as I had a younger sister who was four. We didn't have much as we had lived in a rented house in England and got little for the furniture we sold. But both Mum and Dad were determined to make a better life in Australia and they did. It was very hard at first as they had no backup from family, my sister really got sick and some of what they had was spent on medical bills and my Mum couldn't find a job. She took a job as a housekeeper…Continue
None of my children or grandchildren came to me for Mother's Day this year which was a bit sad. I did get a phone call from each of my sons and daughter but no cards or presents this year. It was my own fault as I offered to do the sermon at church on that day at both services so our two paid clergy could have their time with their families, first grandchild for one, three grandchildren visiting from another state for the other. Next year it will be my turn to have the day off. Now I am…Continue
Each of us has a different place and time when we thought life was wonderful and life would go on like that forever. For some it was the courtship, some the early marriage, some the space after the kids had flown and they were able to travel and do the things they had always wanted to do. For Ray and I it was a period when our life was comfortable with the mortgage paid off, the house reasonably fit for the family we had brought back to our home town after ten and a half years away, all…Continue
I am four and a half years out from Ray's death. I am still on the journey to find out who I am now and who I want to be. I have just been on a train journey and that gave me a slow way of reflecting on my life. Am I who I think I am? How do others see me? I know wherever I go people like to talk to me and tell me their life stories so I know I am a good listener. On the trains coming and going to visit my friend people talked to me, they were comfortable telling me about their lives,…Continue
Do you ever want a hug so much you ache for it? That is where I am at this afternoon. I have been to two funerals in two days, a consequence of being a pastoral care worker for my church. It is not that I expect it to affect me personally - well I always tell myself that - but I really know it will and it does. I remember again my own mother dying and how I felt at her funeral as I watched the families grieve. At the funeral today I read the 23rd Psalm, a part of what our church does is…Continue
The rain is lashing down outside. It has been raining on and off for over a week now and I am really sick of it. It is not that it is cold, far from it as when the sun does come out it is quite humid but it is isolating. On Tuesday I went to a morning tea I go to once a week and for the first hour was the only person there other than the kitchen helper. I have not seen my usual “widow buddies” in the shopping centre as few people are coming out if they don't need to, not that I blame…Continue
I am in my fifth year as a widow. I am to a certain extent “over it”. I am settled into a routine. I go out to coffee with other widows and occasionally a few couples from groups I belonged to while Ray was alive. I don't have much contact from his family. I do still talk to one sister-in-law occasionally. That's fine. At first I missed the contact but now I don't. I live in a sort of widow bubble, alone yet bumping into others, enough contact to keep me from feeling isolated yet not enough…Continue
What can I say, a month went by and I didn't have anything to write about, or maybe that should be nothing I wished to write about.. I dreaded the thought of Christmas but I did gather with the family at my daughter's house and it all went well. It was good to see the little cousins interacting, good to have my son-in-law do all the preparations so my Christmas Day was relaxed but there was also a strong feeling that I wanted to be there as part of the old couple, Mum and Dad, Sue and Ray,…Continue