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Only1sue's Blog (190)

More in control

It is raining the cold rain of winter. The weather changed last week, before that it was warm days, cool nights but now the nights are really cold. Yesterday afternoon I spent two hours looking for my hot water bottle. I knew it was in a blue, green and yellow cover I had knitted myself. When I finally found it it was in a bright pink cover on which the words "I'm a Hottie" were written in a bold black. This was a jokey gift from my son-in-law for my birthday last year. Now how did I miss…

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Added by only1sue on May 24, 2020 at 7:00pm — No Comments

Self isolating.

I have been self isolating for over six weeks. Yesterday I heard someone complain she had been home from work for two weeks. I guess that is the difference between being young and being old. I see the sense in self isolating if the over 70s seem to be the target group for this virus but it is hard for a socially minded person like me to be held to ransome by this situation, my isolation for the good of my health. I feel as if I am being robbed of something special. I think it is a common…

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Added by only1sue on April 29, 2020 at 12:23am — 7 Comments

My "after" blog

Has the world gone mad? My last blog was only two weeks ago and I was reminiscing about my cruise telling you my operation was coming up and resting up so I would be fit for whatever lay ahead. Well was I the innocent one? I never imagined the mess of life as we know it that a tiny international visitor called Covid-19 would make to our lives. Who would have thought that from remote China it could spread around the world so quickly and so plunge the world into chaos? It wasn't in the news…

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Added by only1sue on March 28, 2020 at 3:29am — 6 Comments

My "before" blog.

I am thankful I went on my cruise before the cruise companies decided to cancel future cruises for six weeks or more. I could have missed that time of exploration and relaxation. I am having another operation next week so I thought I would do a "before" blog and an "after"blog. I am feeling fine, I went to my doctor today and all of the conditions he was worried about have  marginally improved so he was no longer anxious to get me on all sorts of medication. This is good as at the beginning…

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Added by only1sue on March 12, 2020 at 9:00pm — 5 Comments

Phases of life

Due to the confusion of the seasons in the past few years, I have decided that seasons are irrelevant. We can have hot and humid days followed by a twenty degree drop in temperature and then grey skies for days. I remember my mother's  expression: "It's just s phase we're going through" and I think that explains it. We are simply going through uncertain weather phases.  We have taken those good seasons for granted, December warm, January and February hot, sunny days in school holidays for…

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Added by only1sue on February 1, 2020 at 11:30pm — 2 Comments

Another Christmas over

Sometimes it is such a relief to have Christmas over. For the first time in five years it was family lunch my place for Christmas.  Because I was busy volunteering with Lions, selling tickets in the Christmas raffle etc it was hard to find time to shop so I did a combination of gifts and money. Thankfully that went over well, and everything went well with the meal too. I was grateful that my oldest grand daughter remembered how we set up for family gatherings and helped with that. The three…

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Added by only1sue on December 25, 2019 at 12:00pm — No Comments

Hard to find peace

This time of the year is hard for me. We don't have Thanksgiving in Australia, the convicts hauled from England to colonise our country didn't have much to be thankful for.  We have summer and school holidays and the run up to Christmas all lumped in together and life gets very busy. Add unseasonable heat and drought and bushfires  causing smokey air all over the coast and all the external circumstances and it gets pretty tiring. So sometimes I want it to just be over. December is party…

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Added by only1sue on November 30, 2019 at 3:09pm — 3 Comments

Why am I no longer confident life will go the way I plan?

As a widow I try to live life one day at a time. As a member of a couple both when Ray was well and afterwards when he had the series of strokes I would plan at least three weeks ahead. Now I am not that optimistic, I do put all my engagements on the calendar and hope nothing happens in between but I no longer have the confidence that life will happen the way I plan it. I used to be a really confident person but somewhere in the past seven years that changed. Maybe it is something to do with…

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Added by only1sue on October 16, 2019 at 10:40pm — 5 Comments

We no longer supply what you need

I went to the Lymphodema Clinic to get fitted with my new pressure garments, while the waist to knee garment was a good fit the stockings, knee to toe  were too long. The fitter phoned the distributor to ask why the wrong size had been supplied the answer came back : " We no longer supply the size you requested....". That same answer applies to so many different  aspects of my life for instance the  spare parts for repairing taps etc, living in an older house as  I do I can no longer get a…

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Added by only1sue on September 25, 2019 at 11:00pm — 3 Comments

What's wrong with me?

I am feelimg sorry for myself. I have been home from hospital for four weeks now. I have got over that first joyful feeling of being glad to be alive, over the dreading a ruptured aneurysm, grateful for the many people who supported me etc. My family love me but as they live a distance away from me it is easy to see it is out of sight, out of mind. My daughter said she would try to get down to see me every week but that was never going to happen was it? I know she is busy with her family and…

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Added by only1sue on August 25, 2019 at 5:06am — 2 Comments

I have a future again

I got back home from hospital Tuesday afternoon at the end of a six day stay. My daughter Shirley took me down to the hospital, stayed at my house overnight and came back the next day, then came down to bring me home and stayed overnight to make sure I was safe. Despite me being " an older woman" I healed at the expected rate with no unexpected complications. I was so glad to get home to my own bed!

The operation to clip…

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Added by only1sue on July 25, 2019 at 4:56am — 6 Comments

In a holding pattern

Today was my birthday. It was unusually cold for the 4th of June with wild winds and heavy rain. I anticipated a nothing doing sort of day but decided to go and have coffee with the Muffin Break gang (mostly six to eight older folks) as I usually do and my daughter came and found me there. She said she had come to take me out to lunch which was lovely. She had checked my home and church first so third time lucky. She wanted her coming down to be a surprise and it was.

Tonight…

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Added by only1sue on June 4, 2019 at 4:51am — 7 Comments

More decisions I'd prefer not to make

Sometimes I want someone to put their arm across my shoulders, give me a squeeze and say : "You're okay mate, you're going to get through this and be better than ever." Unfortunately I don't have that person now and I have doubts about the " better than ever". I miss Ray so much, not the man he was necessarily when he died so much as the man he was in his middle years, that strong,  patient man who was my rock. That is the man who helped me bring up our kids. That was the man who didn't seem…

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Added by only1sue on March 29, 2019 at 6:27pm — 4 Comments

Tests, scans and needles

We all have our troubles. I had another test today, a needle biopsy on my thyroid. I had four tests the week before last, the interview with the melanoma specialist last week and next week is the other brain scan to look at the aneurysm. Guess there is nothing wrong with me that I don't know about now. But what use is all of this if there is nothing they can do about any of it? I find it all very frustrating. I have so many conditions that simply relate to either ageing or family medical…

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Added by only1sue on February 26, 2019 at 7:30pm — 5 Comments

Taking stock

Sometimes I am just plain lonely. I might do something in the morning, come home and do a few simple tasks, cook a meal and wham! there it is, the loneliness,it comes rolling in like a wave. It affects me more on Friday nights and Sunday nights, those were the debriefing times when Ray and I had good health. Friday nights we would discuss what we had done through the week and Sunday nights we would talk about what happened over the weekend. I was thinking about that tonight,  without  a…

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Added by only1sue on February 3, 2019 at 3:30am — 1 Comment

Finding a way forward

It's close to the end of the summer vacation, some time in the next week all my grandchildren go back to school apart from Chris who will start University at the end of February. All my normal  summer activities start the following week, the more formal church services, pastoral visiting, the Friday Coffee morning. It is decision time for me as I decide whether to continue the activities or change some of them. There is always pressure to continue but in the end it is my choice. It is a…

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Added by only1sue on January 23, 2019 at 8:06pm — 1 Comment

Another year to walk alone

Happy New Year everyone..... We have all heard that in the past few days and some of us have smiled and nodded and some of us have turned away. It is not a happy prospect for a lot of people, those recently bereaved, those on their own. I am lucky because I have my younger son and smallest granddaughter here for ten days so plenty to do and company for a while. So I can say : "Happy New Year" and smile. But when they go home  I will probably feel much the same as before but at least will…

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Added by only1sue on January 4, 2019 at 2:30am — 6 Comments

Six days till Christmas

I had a phone call yesterday from a woman who joined a Dementia group I belonged to in 2006. We have been in contact on a regular basis since then. She was widowed about 18 months ago so we have that in common too. She was worried about how empty her life feels in this time when "family togetherness" seems to be the theme of all the advertisements, TV programs etc. When are we going to stop this kind of thinking which is so isolating for the childless, the homeless, the widows and widowers…

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Added by only1sue on December 19, 2018 at 2:19am — 3 Comments

Accepting my scars

I need to accept my scars as being a part of me.  When I was learning to be a telephone counsellor for Lifeline, a suicide prevention telephone counselling service staffed by volunteers we had a lesson on being "real". One of the things our facilitator asked us to do was to stand in front of the mirror naked each morning for a week and say: " This is who I am and who I will be all day."  Boy was that a life lesson, nothing to cover up who we really are. I think it is time for me to do that…

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Added by only1sue on December 3, 2018 at 3:00am — 1 Comment

It's official, l'm a mermaid.

November is here, usually my busiest month of the year as it always includes a week in Broken Hill to help my younger son celebrate his birthday. That is still ahead of me. It also includes the beginning of the end-of-year events, as not everyone waits till December to start their Christmas parties. There is also the Lions Bunnings BBQs and the Lions Christmas raffle with my name on the roster. And all the planning for the leadup to Christmas both in the church and on the home front.…

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Added by only1sue on November 4, 2018 at 7:01pm — 5 Comments

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