Arlene's birthday was 2 weeks ago, the first half of June brings the Strokaversary, the deathaversary and our anniversery of the day we met. So what happened yesterday, just to pile on? I had my job eliminated.
I've always found this to be the perfect explanation of grief waves.
I've done very little of it, and except for one place that we only went to three times tops, and I always have to set up a picture of Arlene on my phone to get thru it. I have been saying for the last 4 1/2 years that I couldn't see myself eating in our old places (thankfully most have changed hands aren't the same). Today I had this thought that its probably time for me to rip the bandaid off and go to one, or several, depending on how it goes. Just not THIS weekend, Effin V-day. But soon.…Continue
But really, I don't want to go, Short of pulling the "W" card, how do I get out of this? I'd be going alone, I don't do weddings well anyway and about the last thing I want to deal with is risking a DUI, because I WILL drink at it and its in New Jersey and I live on Staten Island, so a cab isn't an option. How the Hell do I get out of this gracefully?
All of the big anniversaries with Arlene fall between her birthday, May 7th and July 6th. Early June is a killer for me, June 2nd is when she was found unresponsive in her room in the rehab, heart attack and stroke, and she passed on June 10th, yesterday was 4 years. This year, the "season" hit me harder I think than all of the other years, to the point where I was getting physically ill, nerves, stomach and digestive problems. Dammit I'm in year five, this shouldn't be hitting me like this…Continue
As some of you might know, I've been having one bad thing after another happen recently. Roof leaking, dishwasher breaking, me breaking stuff in the house, never ending home repairs, plus an ongoing health problem. So I was told recently, that my nephew and his girlfriend are expecting a child, this will add Great Uncle to my current title of Crazy Uncle. I am beyond thrilled that this is happening, except for one thing, my nephew's girlfriend and the new addition, will never know Arlene.…Continue
Got a call on my cell while I was at work today asking for the diabetic in the family, meaning Arlene. So I reacted the way I usually do now, I nicely tell them that she isn't here, but that I can give them the phone number where she is. Then I gave them the phone number to the cemetery, and tell them not to take "There is nobody there by that name" for an answer, because I then tell them "I was there yesterday, she is there, but she didn't say a word".
I'm going to Hell…Continue
Last night, I had a very strange dream, which is not unusual for me.
I dreamed I was in the cemetery, helping a couple of old High School classmates clean tombstones. In the dream, I cam across a new section, directly across the road from Arlene's section. So we start walking thru and I come across a large, black granite double stone, and buried there (and this is where it got weird) are Muddy Waters and Johnny Winter! And not only that, but built into the side is a video screen…Continue
For 2 1/2 years I got calls for Arlene on my cell asking for her so they could try to sell her diabetic testing supplies. And until six months ago, I would scream and curse at them (ok, it was fun and thereaputic, but clearly ineffective). So tonight at work, I got another one of those calls, at work and gave what is now my standard response:
Them: Hello, may I speak to Arlene?
Me: She's not here, but I can give you the number where she may be reached.