I hate when memories sneak up on you. Days you should remember, days that should stick out, somehow get lost in the shuffle of grief and sneak up on you unawares. I'm a Millenial, so of course it was Facebook that reminded me this morning: 4 years ago Debbie & Shane Got Engaged! The post showed photos we were tagged in together--a glimpse into our relationship...from wedding photos, to a photo of his urn with our wedding rings on top of it and a picture of us kissing in the background. I…Continue
A song I wrote many years ago. Who knew how much it would resonate today?
There was a time when all I'd yearned for
Seemed to be the things I'd earned, more
than I'd ever wanted from the start
Then it seemed the tide had turned, Lord,
The waters came, the waters churned, why
does this pain and sorrow pierce my…
Added by BabushkaD (Debbie) on January 7, 2018 at 9:33pm — No Comments
‘There is nothing that can replace the absence of someone dear to us, and one should not even attempt to do so. One must simply hold out and endure it. At first that sounds very hard, but at the same time it is also a great comfort. For to the extent the emptiness truly remains unfilled one remains connected to the other person through it. It is wrong to say that God fills the emptiness. God in no way fills it but much more leaves it precisely unfilled and thus helps us prese…Continue
I know Pandora learns its listeners preferences, but I still don't think it's a coincidence that tonight I've heard If I Die Young, I Can Only Imagine (Shane's funeral song), Die A Happy Man, and now Marry Me (Shane and I's song). I think this was to get my attention, and then the next couple of songs played, some new to me, some I needed to listen again to the lyrics:
You're Not Alone by Meredith Andrews
I had the most comforting dream a couple nights ago, in that place between sleeping and waking. I was lying in bed and suddenly I felt a presence next to me, as if someone was sitting on the bed beside my legs, and the firm press of a comforting hand on my hips. In the dark, I couldn't see anyone, but I knew it must be Shane, even as my brain tried to think of other possibilities. Bobby? My brother had been staying with us, but he was house-sitting for someone else this week. He wasn't even…Continue
I have been thinking about this poem since Shane died in October. I wish I knew the translations for the various languages. Maybe I'll have to play with Google Translate. April will be Easter, then my birthday...my birthday also marking 6 months from our wedding anniversary. Shane was hospitalized a few days before our anniversary and died 12 days after. I have been thinking about Easter and resurrection, and how usually the idea brings such hope, but this year I am in a place where I feel I…Continue
5 months of anticipation builds up to this. The handsome man whose picture looks just a bit like Aragorn from Lord of the Rings, stalking my profile. POF showing me that he’s viewed me 3 times this week, so I check out his profile, and like what I see. I make the first move, and good thing I did, because he’s outside the age parameters I’ve set of who can message me by 2 years. I almost missed out on a good thing.
For months, we learn about each other as we talk on the phone and…
Watching the Broncos this year has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me. The first couple games of the season were just as they should be, even if our play wasn't always stellar. Why? Because Shane was right beside me on the couch, a fan of the team, even if he was always pessimistic about our chances. Fast-forward a couple weeks and we were watching a game together from his hospital room. One week after that, I was hyperventilating as the game was starting, outside trying to…Continue
"It's going to be a life-long thing." -Lupe's husband
"Like you're never a recovered widow, you're always recovering." -BabushkaD
"Exactly." -Lupe's husband.
The song in my spirit drowned out by my tears,
Looking behind at the grief of the years,
Looking around, but I’m blinded by fear,
Looking ahead, but I’m missing you dear.