It's been awhile since I've had anything to say. Profound sadness has had me locked up in a choke hold. I tend to retreat within myself during those times. Like a clam closing, it's shell. I'm feeling a little better, okay actually I'm feeling a lot better. From somewhere in my little clam world the theme from Rocky begin playing on a loop in my head. …
Since Jerry's death, I have heard the whisperings of people who may or may not be well-meaning. It is a really small town and everyone knows everyone. So, I expect that I have to hear things I don't like or answer questions when I really don't want too. Ignorance runs rampant around my town. Not everyone, most folks are kind or mean well even if they don't cut the mustard.
I am on the fence, should I fight stupid with stupid? Should I put my mask on and pretend all is…
I was chatting with a new member here at the village. She said to me; I hate this new normal. I echoed the sentiment. It's the same sentiment I've said and heard over and over again since, Dec. 14, 2017. I contemplated my new routine. It seems as though I'm in a persistent state of war. It's exhausting.
My heart and mind constantly duel, to the point of both physical and mental exhaustion. Most days I act upbeat; I even fool myself for a moment or two. However, my private war…Continue
This morning, I woke up and the first thing I thought about naturally was Jerry. He's been the first thing I've thought about for years. Usually, I'd roll over and snuggle; today I stared at our picture. I wondered what advice he'd give me. I wondered what was going through his mind two months after he lost his wife. Jerry was such a confident man. He nearly always looked on the bright side. He almost always embraced and adapted to circumstances beyond his control. I so admired his…Continue
Last night was the first night I've spent alone on the farm. My kids were here, but they are kids. My "step-daughter" and her family share 40 acres with me. They took a weekend trip. It was eerily quiet and dark out here. I felt really alone.
It's strange how little things like that make me feel vulnerable and achy. I ache for Jerry, he was the kind of man that made one feel safe. I was never afraid when he was here. There are so many small adjustments to make. In attitude,…Continue
As most you know, that chat with me. My children lost their father Dec1 and stepfather Dec 14 of 2017. This week their uncle died (fathers brother) unexpectedly. Last night a school friend was in a car accident and is not going to make it. Two more friends were seriously injured. Then I look at FB and see that the step-father of a friend has been killed along with another family member. Checked the news website and realize they were in the other car. It seems like it's way too much…Continue
It's very early on with my loss and I realize it takes time. I also realize I probably will feel single again at some point. It takes time I know.
I feel very much still part of a loving couple. Jerry's gone, but I'm not single. I find it the most unusual feeling I've ever had. If someone asked me right now, do you have a boyfriend? My answer would be yes.
Logically, I haven't had enough time. I just wish I knew a how and a when I'll ever feel like I'm just…
I love a good joke and it was so hard to get one over on Jerry. This time I got him but good without even trying. We headed off late in the afternoon to Georgia for a family reunion five hour's away from home. A little over halfway through the trip Jerry was tired and decided we needed to stop for the night. It was close enough to get up have breakfast and still get to the reunion on time. He get's us all set up at the Hilton Inn for the night. While laying on the bed discussing dinner…Continue
Added by Rainy (Misty) on January 18, 2018 at 10:59am — No Comments