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Life decided to crap on me again on Thursday. I feel something in my car when I turn the steering wheel, so I stopped where I had the snow tires put on last week. He told me that something very serious is about to happen to one of my REAR wheels (what I feel is in the front), and the work he wants to do will cost $300+. My brother-in-law doesn't believe him and thinks the guy is trying to sham me. My BIL will take the car next week to check it out himself.
When I got home from that episode, I found out the company I work for is making me choose between the two parts of my work (tutoring and mentoring), that I cannot continue to do both parts anymore after Jan. 1. I have been a tutor for them for 10 years, and have also been a mentor for 5 of those years. It pisses me off because I feel like I am being punished (boring story). I am only allowed to work 30 hours per week. Their explanation is lousy, and I have to wait until Mon. or Tues. until I can talk to someone there. My choice is clear: I have to choose the part of my work that has the most hours (tutoring), even though it pays less per hour. This means that I will lose at least $100./mo. pay, sometimes over $200. by giving up the other part of my work; they will also start taking S.S. and taxes out of my remaining pay for whichever part of the job I do keep, so that will be a little more money lost each month. Because they have to get the employment papers done, I can't work the last week of Dec., which puts a pinch on my Dec. income, after buying tires and Christmas shopping.
I turned 60 this year. I taught school for 10 years, and I have been a tutor since I retired from classroom teaching in 2000, so I don't have any skills other than tutoring anymore. I have looked around for jobs in this area and don't find anything. I feel old and useless. Now I am also limited by S.S. suvivor's benefits, so there is a cap on how much I can earn without a penalty. The S.S. money helps, but I only get part of it because I am paying off an enormous debt I owe my BIL since he bailed my husband and I out our our financial crisis in 2008. I will be paying him back for the rest of my life. Now I am going to also lose some money that I counted on having.
I still have my house that I can't sell. We just lowered the listing price by a huge amount. No inquiries, and none likely all winter. I am stuck paying insurance and taxes on it and can't even live there. That is where I really want to be, but I can't afford to live there. I will not rent it because of a bad experience with a renter. My house is too nice.
I still wake up every morning hating my life, more so than ever lately. I was invited to the usual family Christmas Eve function, but decided I will stay home this year. I will curl up on the sofa in my pajamas and enjoy wine and chocolate while I watch movies. I never get to do that because I am always working. I will go to the family Christmas dinner, but I feel like the Grinch. What rotten timing all of this crap has! Proves to me that life still sucks.
If you read this far, thanks. I needed to vent.
Happy holidays to you and I hope you will be with loved ones.