A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
This is my first post...ever. I am not a facebook or chatroom user. But I've read many posted in this group and I feel comfortable enough to write now. It has been 2 years and 2 weeks since I lost the love of my live, Carolyn, to Colon Cancer. I never imagined it possible that I could feel so lonely and hurt so much! Here is my story:
I have experienced the two worst nightmares one can live through, the loss of a child and the loss of a spouse. Not one day goes by that I don’t look at Daniel’s 8 ½ year old sister Madison and wonder what life would have been like if he had not been born so sick, survived the most torturous 8 months and 1 day, and died on February 24, 2004. I remember the first therapist Carolyn & I went to told us, “give it a year, it gets easier, give it time.” What a moron! How could she have said that to us? How does she know the exact timetable of grief? Let me clue you in. There is no timetable you just hurt!
Then, 5 ½ years later, like she had not suffered enough, my one true love, my sole mate, my best friend, the beautiful girl I met at the Williamsburg Y in June of 1977, was told she had stage 4 colon cancer. The cancer had metastasized to both lobes of the liver and her battle would be a difficult one. Almost like a terrifying déjà vu, I watched Carolyn suffer unspeakable pain, live through the nightmare of having to say goodbye to her children (Sammy was 14 and Madison was 6) and then finally, mercifully pass away on February 27, 2010. Almost 6 years (to the day!) after I had to bury my baby Daniel, I had to put the love of my life in the ground next to him.
I’m still amazed how I get up in the morning after never getting a restful night’s sleep. How I don’t slap people in the face every time they complain about some trivial inconvenience in their lives (work, traffic, cold coffee). How I can still function when I wake up crying in the middle of the night and turn over to find untouched pillows next to me in the bed.