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6 months as of the 21st of April
So, as of the 21st of April I have been a widow for six months. Odd how I seem to have lost a lot of my concept of time since last October 21st. Sometimes I feel like I haven't seen Michael in years..and other times it feels like he just walked out the front door yesterday. Either way, I miss him. Terribly. I still get a lot of the "how are you doing?" questions and always give that good old stand by answer "I'm fine.". Am I? I think so..but the last few days I haven't been so sure. Perhaps it's that my sister was here from out of state for ten days and now she's gone home. I honestly had FUN those ten days and now that she's gone the house is quiet once more and I've been struck with a profound feeling of ALONE again. I've honestly never minded being home alone..but that 'alone' and this 'ALONE' are two very different things. With this ALONE I know Michael won't be coming home from work later. With this ALONE I know whatever I face in the future will just be ME and ME ALONE. I have to face the fact that my Mother is now 88 and she won't be here forever to call or visit when I'm feeling down. My sister is ten hours away. I have no children. It's just ME. What on earth am I going to do with my future? Honestly..I haven't a clue. So for now I mark days off the calendar, talk to my beloved dog, Caly....... and wait. Wait for what, you ask. And again..I haven't a clue.
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Comment by Always48(Mary) on April 30, 2012 at 6:13pm -
I understand what you're saying about "alone". Before I met Michael, I lived alone for about 25 years. I can DO alone, but this "alone" is especially hard when I have time on my hands. Since I retired 2 years ago, I've managed to keep myself busy on many projects and that is good, because when I'm without something to do, my mind goes straight to Michael and me and the "whys" of it all and the lonliness sinks in. I too have no children and the future scares me, but I try very hard not to think about it.
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Comment by jimswife33 (Michelle) on April 30, 2012 at 5:31pm -
Hugs Letha, I so know what you mean about being alone and being lonely and not knowing about the future. Thinking about being without Jim for the rest of my life is so overwhelming I cant even fathom it. We have to remember one day at a time, one step at a time. I wish you and all of us peace and healing. Hoping it gets better. Hugs Michelle
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Comment by topwag (Becky) on April 30, 2012 at 4:14pm -
Letha: I can so relate to you and your situation. I have one son four hours away and that is it. I think there is a difference between being along and being LONELY, and being alone and lonely are the worse. Hugs to you and may our days become brighter. Blessings, Becky
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Comment by Joyce on April 30, 2012 at 3:50pm -
Letha, Hugs to you. I love your description of the two alones, I agree they are two VERY different things, never realized that until recently.
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Comment by kimkirt (KK) on April 30, 2012 at 2:53pm -
Hugs, Letha. Wish I had magic words.
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