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So, as of the 21st of April I have been a widow for six months. Odd how I seem to have lost a lot of my concept of time since last October 21st. Sometimes I feel like I haven't seen Michael in years..and other times it feels like he just walked out the front door yesterday. Either way, I miss him. Terribly. I still get a lot of the "how are you doing?" questions and always give that good old stand by answer "I'm fine.". Am I? I think so..but the last few days I haven't been so sure. Perhaps it's that my sister was here from out of state for ten days and now she's gone home. I honestly had FUN those ten days and now that she's gone the house is quiet once more and I've been struck with a profound feeling of ALONE again. I've honestly never minded being home alone..but that 'alone' and this 'ALONE' are two very different things. With this ALONE I know Michael won't be coming home from work later. With this ALONE I know whatever I face in the future will just be ME and ME ALONE. I have to face the fact that my Mother is now 88 and she won't be here forever to call or visit when I'm feeling down. My sister is ten hours away. I have no children. It's just ME. What on earth am I going to do with my future? Honestly..I haven't a clue. So for now I mark days off the calendar, talk to my beloved dog, Caly....... and wait. Wait for what, you ask. And again..I haven't a clue.
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