29 April 2010 - the day my husband was taken from me.

Well I made it through 29 April.  And the day went extremely well.  A few texts from friends who remembered, some flowers and some hugs.  Not a tear was shed....today....

Friday.....different story.  I also had a reading from a pyschic/clairvoyant.  Lots of tears but I felt so relaxed afterwards and felt I was doing ok and on the right path.  A phone call from the FIL - which really tore me apart on an emotionally drained day as well.  I cannot believe the things the in-laws are saying to me at present about how I am selfish and thinking of no-one but myself.  Apparently I only see them when I want babysitting, they don't see the boys enough etc. etc.  I also introduced them to my new 'friend' badly - so they say....well maybe I misjudged the situation but still I don't think I handled it badly as they say.  I chose to take my boys camping instead of spending time with relatives that were over from overseas (although the camping trip didn't eventuate) - I am still told I was selfish for thinking about going camping......sigh....I could go on but takes too much energy.

Anyway the psychic said apparently I have put Craig in a 'vault' in my heart and have totally put up a steel plate so no-one can get in (and he can't get out LOL ).  So apparently that is going to be hard to penetrate and let anyone else in.  But slowly and surely I am sure that plate will unlock one day.

At the moment I feel blessed to have some truly great friends surrounding me as well as my other 'friend'.  Not really sure what to call him as I think boyfriend sounds too young, partner doesn't sound right as I feel you need to be with someone for a quite a while before you call them that.  So at the moment he is my friend but he is also becoming a rock on which is supporting me (or did this weekend anyway) and I am becoming more confident and comfortable with him too.

So I don't know why for some reason I was terrified of that date - 'D' day again......but in reality it was nothing more than another day.  Or maybe I had cried enough 2 days before. 

Who knows but it's good to know you don't have to be afraid of the anniversary - life still goes on and I am learning to live and enjoy the present.  Acknowledgement was all that was needed and I then enjoyed the rest of the day.