A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Pete and I had been together for 5 years. We were living together for the last year and a half. We were constantly engaged in working out and were training together twice a day for Ironman CDA (Idaho) with his best friend.
Pete finished his first Ironman in August of 2011 with an amazing time of just over 12 hours. He was hoping to beat his time this year. He was a very strong athlete and a constant cheerleader for others. Our days would be filled with him waking me up, us going for a workout, him cooking me breakfast and checking on the garden while I finished getting ready, driving us to work (we carpooled as we both work for different division of the same company), driving us home from work, working out, and then relaxing together. So you can see this man was amazing. He would go to the ends of the Earth for me and I constantly feel like I failed him.
He passed away on April 19th, 2012. I found him in bed around 8:15am and tried to do CPR. He was sent to the hospital and we were in for a very long morning. Time of death was 9:20am. I don't think they were able to get a response but I don't know the full story and I'm scared to ask. The cops wouldn't let me see the body until they did a house check to make sure I hadn't done anything. Ridiculous but its standard practice because he was so young. Cause - Athlete's Heart Syndrome. He had a genetic history of cardiovascular problems in the family.
His brother found the engagement ring (and wedding band) that we had talked about in his safe. I'm sure he would have proposed at Ironman CDA on June 24th. His birthday is the next day. I've decided to continue on with the race even though I know I will not be up to snuff. The stress has really effected my abilities. But I know Pete would have wanted me to complete my goal.
Many complications now. Financial, his family, legal. You all know the drill. I'm telling everyone I know now to write a will and to be your own health advocate. Doesn't seem the doctors can be left with all the trust of care.
Alone in the house. Quiet. Feels like I have a thousand thank you cards to write and very little time to write them in the proper length of my gratitude.
I turn 30 in July and I really don't feel like celebrating life. My life. In the place where I feel like, what is the point? (and not in a suicidal way)