A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
When i was in my early twenties I worked as a waitress in a diner.
There was a woman who used to come in a lot, a "regular" i guess you would call her. She was always dressed in black. Black from head to toe. She was very curt, and very angry. Whenever she came in, we would try to bargain or trade to get out of waiting on her. she was a miserable person. Very joyless. At some point, I remember asking someone about her, and why she was like that. "Her son committed suicide". "When did this happen?" i asked. Twenty years ago. that hit me. It had been twenty years,but to her it was as if it happened yesterday. This woman was literally "clothed" in her grief. Apparently forever.
I think of her these days, and wonder, if she is still wearing black, still mourning, still angry, still utterly devastated. And then I think, "I don't want to be like that".
I don't want to live the rest of my life in sadness and anger. I want to grieve my husband, my love. It's such a huge loss.
I don't know how long it will take, but I don't want it to take my lifetime. I've already lost so much. How can I let thissteal the rest of my life?
No, I cannot.
And so today, I smiled at those who smiled at me, laughed when something was funny, and said Thank You a lot
I want to live again. I want to be happy.
I don't want to live "clothed in grief" forever.