don't know where to begin

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Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on July 4, 2012 at 10:54am

John, I'm so sorry for your loss.  I know the pain and shock you are feeling, especially the "he will be coming home soon" feeling.  Be gentle with yourself. Cry when you need to, find someone to talk to (we are all here) and know that you can make it through this. Whatever you are feeling is okay.

Comment by Henry-in-Minn on July 4, 2012 at 10:28am

Hang in there buddy. Thinking of you.

Comment by Rebirth.Tanya (Tanya) on July 3, 2012 at 11:39pm

John-

I am so very sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you during this extra tender time. Hold your sorrow gently and know that you are not alone as you begin this difficult journey- take it one minute at a time, continue to reach out for support, and you will get through this...

Sending you my prayers for love, comfort, peace, and strength...

Comment by lovie on July 3, 2012 at 11:11pm

Johnmark, Unfortunately, I had a similar experience.  I left a very healthy 58 year old husband (36 years) in the morning and came home to find him collapsed in our garage. I knew immediately that he was no longer alive as rigor mortis had already set in. My son is a physician and he and the attending coroner assured me that he died instantly....the widow-maker heart attack. I could not even park in our garage for the longest time remembering him there lifeless. I dwelled on the thought that he was alone when he breathed his last breath but then I recalled reading somewhere that when death is imminent, the Holy Spirit (Christ's presence on Earth) arrives and stays until the last breath is drawn and then accompanies the departed soul to his final resting place.  This brought me great comfort. For quite a while I recalled that sight of him in the garage whenever I thought of my beloved husband and it was heartbreaking, but now (it will be 3 years this September) my memory is of him with his gregarious smile and that hearty laugh. Take time to rest and process your grief. It stays so fresh and raw for many, many months and then slowly life's activities again start to seep back into the daily process. We all want to speed up the process but it is not possible.  The many people you connect with here will help you to take the baby steps forward toward healing, acceptance, peace and living again. Don't expect too much too soon and grief and sorrow will ebb and flow for a while.  We all have a different timeline for our grief to subside, but it does eventually and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Take care and well wishes to you on this journey. 

Comment by Lynne on July 3, 2012 at 6:39pm

John, just a note to tell you how terribly sorry I am for your loss.  I lost my husband to a sudden and unexpected heart attack on March 27 so I have special empathy for you.  We would have celebrated our 41st anniversary on June 17.  I so understand that feeling that he will simply "be home soon" and how awful it is each time we remember that they truly are gone.  I think you'll find a lot of understanding and care here and maybe even some healing.  Wishing you all the best.  Lynne

Comment by janet on July 3, 2012 at 6:22pm

Johnmark, I am so sorry for your loss.  I am glad you found us but sorry you have become a member of the club no one wants to join.  There are several groups here so I hope you find one or several to join.  Everyone here is so supportive and understanding.  We do get it.  Be gentle with yourself and be kind to yourself.  We are all here to offer support and a shoulder to lean on.  Peace and hope to you.

Comment by chez2all on July 3, 2012 at 6:11pm

Hello John, my heart goes out to you.  That gutwrenching moment of finding my husband caused so many emotions and thoughts to rush through my brain that time meant nothing...Please know that we support you in your grief and will travel this path alongside you as much as you allow or want.  These people have been an enormous source of strength and courage to me over the past nearly 4 months since he died and I encourage you to vent, cry, get angry, share more of your story in this safe place...

Comment by hendrixx2 on July 3, 2012 at 5:52pm

Johnmark,

Really sad to hear of your loss...I can only imagine the shock and pain of finding your loved one, please know that you have found a good place for support as you travel the path none of wished for, but have to tread.  There are many resources here for us and they may serve you well, keep hope and know that we wish you Peace and Healing...

Comment by CP13 on July 3, 2012 at 5:36pm

John, I am truly sorry for your loss. I am also grateful that you had the opportunity to know that longlasting kind of love with your partner. I lost my partner, Sally on May 6, 2011 (about a year before you). We had been together 23+ years. Know that this grief journey is different for all of us. I still cry nearly every day, but I also have much joy as I have a new partner- another widow. Be gentle with yourself. This is a great place to share. I had so many questions about things...didn't want to take off my wedding ring, didn't want to get rid of her clothes or belongings, etc. Had to fight with the insurance company (and some siblings) about being the beneficiary. Some things are the same for heterosexual couples and us, but some different. I felt incredibly (and still feel) comfortable sharing anything here. It is a welcoming group. May you find comfort amidst your pain.

Comment by Ccdague on July 3, 2012 at 5:25pm

John....so very sorry for your loss....I think you will find great comfort here.......even as new as you are......listen in on the chats...jump in If you feel up to it..........just say "hey! I need some help here!" the chat will quickly turn into a focused conversation to see if we can help. We understand loss.

Carol
(Denny passed away March 22, 2012)

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