A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Keeping Promises
I have always believed that I am a person who keeps their promises. I actually take promises quite seriously and dont promise something that I cant deliver. Except for when I promise things to myself. I promised myself 16 years ago that I would live life to the fullest. I wanted my obituary to read she grabbed life by the balls and went for it.
You see 16 years ago I beat cervical cancer. When I was diagnosed I had a 4 year old daughter and was 6 weeks pregnant. We consulted with doctors and specialists and after so much soul searching the decision was made to do a radical hysterctomy immediately. I would lose the baby. I made a promise to myself and to that unborn baby that if I beat this evil cancer I would make sure to live life to the fullest. To make every day count. And I did, for awhile. But things happen and you lose sight of yourself. You concentrate on being a Mom and a wife and a co-worker. After the 5 year cancer free date I even stopped celebrating the very fact that I was alive until today when I was going through old calenders and realized that today was 16 years that I was cancer free.
Wow, that was a smack to the head. I was a cancer survivor and yet my husband wasnt. I have been letting my husbands death define me and not in ways that I wanted it to. I have been letting his death affect everything I do. Granted sometimes it was with pure spite, I was taunting him to come back and change the rules again. But that is never going to happen. And although I have tried to celebrate his life, I have forgotten to celebrate mine.
I have decided that my life is worth celebrating and I intend to take every opportunity that comes along and run with it. I want to be the person that sees the mountains in full glory and not through the tiny lens of a camera.
I know I will make mistakes, some big, some small, but thats a part of life, a part that I intend to live with every last fiber of my being. I know Keith would approve, because when he was alive he would try and get me to see that life was to be lived.
So today I am re-invoking my promise to myself to live. And I know somewhere out there Keith is cheering me on.
Views: 96
Comment
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Comment by hendrixx2 on August 5, 2012 at 5:47pm -
Hi Amy,
My belief that it is good you came across those memories...it allows for review and reset...yes we get involved with living and life happens to us; promises to ourselves fade. Reminding myself that DJ's death cannot define me has been a constant struggle; our spouses deaths can be a word of, but not the entire definition of who we are today. Many of us suffer this curious lapse in regards to ourselves, but those of us who can recognize it are afforded the opportunity to continue to make good on the promise...thanx for reminding us...
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Comment by chez2all on July 25, 2012 at 5:58am -
Congratulations Amy, on both points...16 year survivor and realizing you need to celebrate your own life! Massive steps forward for you. I'm cheering you on 2...go for it!
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Comment by Dawn- Clouds Mum on July 24, 2012 at 6:13pm -
I am also a cervical cancer survivor of 32 years now and made the same promise. I am trying to hold my promise before me too. I am also holding a promise that I made to my Keith to get out there and live.
I think I am doing it too. I am getting things achieved that I had held as a dream for many years and although I would love for Keith to be here and witness what I am doing I do know that as I sit and write our story he is beside me cheering me on.
I know that your Keith is there cheering you on too. Live well Amy, that is what they would want for us now. In fact that is what all our loved ones who have gone before would want for us.
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Comment by Marsha on July 24, 2012 at 1:59pm -
You go Amy! Yes we all have to make the same promise to ourselves to live! Something I have been thinking a lot about lately. Not sure where this wild ride may take me but damn I think I'm ready to go and just live!
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Comment by bj628(Bonnie) on July 24, 2012 at 11:01am -
Way to Go!! I am sure your daughter will really appreciate this also.
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Comment by kimkirt (KK) on July 24, 2012 at 8:44am -
Keith isn't the only one cheering you on Amy, we are too! You go girl! I'm sure I'll pass you on the road somewhere along this journey as we grab life and hold onto the wild ride. xoxoxo
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Comment by smit09 on July 24, 2012 at 4:59am -
that a girl AMY!!!
it's so easy to let life get away from us, especially after such a loss. ****something philosophical was said in this place, but I erased it, sounded lame****
Don't get too down on yourself if your promise seems to be slipping away,... it's just greif jerking you around... you are stronger than that, remember. Keith will be cheering you on harder in those incidences. way to wake up woman, now you go GRAB LIFE BY ITS FREAKIN BALLS LADY!!!! xo
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Comment by Lisa ( Marielee) on July 24, 2012 at 1:04am
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Amy - Yes you will keep your promise to yourself! Blessings to you my friend. I am a cancer survivor also of Non- Hodgkins Lymphoma of 7 years. I told myself something similar to but as you life got in the way. Not anymore . I have survived and will make the most of the reamaining life I am given. Thank you friend for a reminder since tomorrow is my birthday and the next chapter is for me:) Blessings and HUGS! - Lisa
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Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on July 23, 2012 at 11:37pm -
Hell Yes he is..hell yes.
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Comment by Joyce on July 23, 2012 at 11:20pm -
Amy: I'm so glad you are going to try to keep that promise to yourself. I so like your thinking and your sense of humor. Maybe Keith wanted back in the truck so you can take off with it and him. You Go Girl!!!!
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