December 12th marked the two year anniversary since I lost the love of my life. Yet, this is the third Christmas without him, the third New Year's Eve without him. Two years ago on New Year's Eve day, I buried the urn that contained the remains of the man that I had loved since I was 18 years old. We were a couple for 28 years and married 20 years 10 months before cancer ripped him from my arms.
For whatever reason, this year the holidays have been extraordinarily hard. I have had the physical sensation in my chest of my heart aching since Dec. 23rd, when I had a wonderful dream that he was with me again.
Like the song by Don Henley says: "Everything can change...in a New York minute."
One minute we were a healthy family...the next it was all changed when we heard the word "cancer."
One minute he was still breathing....then I got the call that he had passed away....suddenly I found myself a widow with a 13 year old son to raise.
One minute I was a wife...the next I was not. I was...(ulp!)....a widow.
One minute my son had a father... the next he was fatherless.
One minute, in a dream, I saw you, dear husband, and I'm was thrilled that we were together, and all the love and happiness filled my being. Then the next thing I knew was that I opened my eyes and found that I was still alone in a queen size bed.
In a New York minute....everything can change.
LIFE is pulling me forward.
Yet my heart aches with missing him, my body aches to be hugged by HIS strong arms that made me feel safe. I see him in my teenage son and it makes me stop in my tracks, it takes my breath away.
Yet, I am alone, I am a widow, I am a single mother, and I have to move forward.
Everything can change in ....a New York Minute.
Change is the one constant in life.
I have to EMBRACE the change.
I have to move from homemaker and wife to a working single widowed mother.
I passed my certification exam, so now I earned my PHR credential. (Professional in Human Resources.) I studied from months and months. I am so relieved and grateful to have passed the exam.
One minute I was unemployed...then the next minute I received an offer for a job, which I accepted.
I have been a wife and homemaker since my son was a 10 month old baby, and he is 15 years old and turns 16 in February. This entry level HR job will be a huge change.
I have been attending workshops, job groups, revising my resume over and over, applying for work, studying, networking, and finally..... I have this offer for an entry level job.....and I am so very grateful.
I am moving forward.
The phone call with the job offer came on CHRISTMAS EVE around 2pm in the afternoon. Everything can change...in a New York minute!
I'm grateful, I'm nervous, I'm scared. I pray that it all works out.
Peace, healing, blessings and courage to all for the New Year of 2014!!