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December 12th marked the two year anniversary since I lost the love of my life.  Yet, this is the third Christmas without him, the third New Year's Eve without him. Two years ago on New Year's Eve day, I buried the urn that contained the remains of the man that I had loved since I was 18 years old. We were a couple for 28 years and married 20 years 10 months before cancer ripped him from my arms.

For whatever reason, this year the holidays have been extraordinarily hard. I have had the physical sensation in my chest of my heart aching since Dec. 23rd, when I had a wonderful dream that he was with me again.

Like the song by Don Henley says: "Everything can a New York minute."

One minute we were a healthy family...the next it was all changed when we heard the word "cancer."

One minute he was still breathing....then I got the call that he had passed away....suddenly I found myself a widow with a 13 year old son to raise.

One minute I was a wife...the next I was not. I was...(ulp!)....a widow.

One minute my son had a father... the next he was fatherless.

One minute, in a dream, I saw you, dear husband, and I'm was thrilled that we were together, and all the love and happiness filled my being. Then the next thing I knew was that I opened my eyes and found that I was still alone in a queen size bed. 

In a New York minute....everything can change.

LIFE is pulling me forward.

Yet my heart aches with missing him, my body aches to be hugged by HIS strong arms that made me feel safe. I see him in my teenage son and it makes me stop in my tracks, it takes my breath away.

Yet, I am alone, I am a widow, I am a single mother, and I have to move forward.

Everything can change in ....a New York Minute.

Change is the one constant in life.

I have to EMBRACE the change.

I have to move from homemaker and wife to a working single widowed mother.

I passed my certification exam, so now I earned my PHR credential. (Professional in Human Resources.) I studied from months and months. I am so relieved and grateful to have passed the exam.

One minute I was unemployed...then the  next minute I received an offer for a job, which I accepted.

I have been a wife and homemaker since my son was a 10 month old baby, and he is 15 years old and turns 16 in February. This entry level HR job will be a huge change.

I have been attending workshops, job groups, revising my resume over and over, applying for work, studying, networking, and finally..... I have this offer for an entry level job.....and I am so very grateful.

I am moving forward.

The phone call with the job offer came on CHRISTMAS EVE around 2pm in the afternoon. Everything can a New York minute!

I'm grateful, I'm nervous, I'm scared. I pray that it all works out.

Peace, healing, blessings and courage to all for the New Year of 2014!!


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Comment by Mariposa on January 5, 2014 at 4:54pm

Thanks MissingRKK and dragonfly 2013 for the encouragement!

Comment by MissingRKK on January 2, 2014 at 8:09am

Sending you cheers and hugs, Mariposa!

Comment by Mariposa on December 30, 2013 at 3:03pm

LIfesAJourney- thanks for the encouragement!

Comment by LifesAJourney on December 29, 2013 at 12:06pm

Congratulations on your job offer.  I understand the challenges you will face juggling the new job and the responsibilities at home. You can do have survived one the most traumatic events we will ever face in our lifetime.  You are a SURVIVOR and no doubt you have come out of this journey much stronger than you ever envisioned yourself to be.  Good luck on the new position and best wishes for the New Year!

Comment by pamela on December 29, 2013 at 8:44am

Congratulations, on your new job.  Have a great new year.

Comment by Mariposa on December 28, 2013 at 7:59am

Thank you, Asha and my roses for the words of encouragement!

Comment by my roses on December 28, 2013 at 7:25am

My roses

Dear Mariposa  - so glad to hear your good news. I know what it is like to be a mature age student!!  I  did a part-time degree to become a Counsellor.  It was hard going.  I also know what it is like to have cancer rip my beloved from my arms.  I think it is a miracle that we are all here - given the journey we are all on.  I hope you find your new work enjoyable and that your work environment is good.  I now realise that widowed people are very valuable.  We are amazing survivors.  I was led to write a blog on this website  (Widowed people are valuable) about how valuable we are to the world and that we need to see ourselves in a different light.  Wishing you great success and many blessings

Comment by Asha on December 27, 2013 at 9:40pm
So good to hear a good news here. Studying, clearing exam, and finding a job after 15 years gap is a wonderful achievement.
My life changed in a minute too. One minute I was happily enjoying vacation with my husband. Next minute he drowned in front of my eyes and I couldn't do anything. Your story inspires me to work harder to do something useful in the life I have to live now.
All the best at your new job!

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