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If it were you passing away, what would you tell your spouse? What advice or direction would you give?

For some people here there was time to have those conversations.
My wife and I had time but it was a conversation I could not handle. But I wonder about those that lost loved ones unexpectedly.
Some of us were fortunate enough to receive a blessing from our spouses, to eventually move forward and others here were not.

Those precious words from a departed loved one could mean the difference between a stalled life and a happy life.

So what would you say ?

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Comment by Fluffycat52 on October 15, 2017 at 8:11pm

If it were reversed I would tell my husband I love him and would want him to be happy, don't grieve a lot over me live your life to the fullest and that I will see him one day but that didn't happened he was the one that left first I didn't even tell him goodbye before he passed away, I  felt bad about it but I know my husband would want the same for me to be happy and to live life to the fullest it is just hard to do but I know he would want me to live on until it is my turn, I can say I will try I live with my Dad right now and working until I can retire. I think losing a Spouse is one of the hardest things to go through, but with God's help I will make it through.

Comment by soulmate on September 23, 2017 at 4:53am

I wish I could remember the intimate conversations I had with my wife when she was ill. I think I sheltered myself with humor, sometimes to her embarrassment to hide my fear, sadness. I do remember when she told me she no longer wanted chemotherapy. I told her my reasons for her continuing were selfish, that I didn't want to lose her and face life alone. Then she teared up. I held her. I told her that her decision was hers and I would support her with it 100%-I knew how sick it made her. 

But to answer the question-I would say "Thank You.Thank you for marrying me, taking a risk later in life to be with me, that every moment was worth it simply to be with you, and that I never loved a person as much as I do you"

Comment by danny's girl on September 21, 2017 at 6:33pm
I would tell him to enjoy the remainder of his life by doing whatever makes him happy. I would also tell him something he said to me " I am ALWAYS going to be with you." Those words have comforted me more than pretty much anything else he ever said in our 37 years together.
Comment by mls64 (Mike) on September 21, 2017 at 11:30am
last year sometime, I don't remember exactly when but before we knew she had cancer, we had a conversation about either one of us passing. "Would you want to go first or would you want me to go first?" we ask each other. She said that she hoped that I passed first. To my shock and horror, snapping my head around and looking at her with my jaw hanging down I said "WHAT"!?!
And then she told me she wouldn't want me to be the one grieving. I guess I had never really thought about it but it made sense. After a quick reflection on my behalf, I agreed. I said I hope she went first, as a joke with a grin on my face. And never imagining that that time was so close.I started this post with a question that I couldn't even answer myself.
Of course I would want her to live a good life, grieve as needed but always try to push forward and find love again.
But my natural instinct to protect her kicks in.
Be sure to lock the doors, watch your surroundings, don't talk on the phone when you're driving!

I like to think that I was the perfect match for my wife on this Earth.
But I think I would have high hopes of her finding someone even better!
Someone that would be not only protective and loving but supportive and uplifting !
I would tell her to move slowly and navigate her future carefully.
To be cautious as to who she brings in.
To take the necessary time not only for the grieving process but for learning who she would become. To stand firm in her standards!
And to have a goal of nothing less than blessed.!!!
Comment by Don on September 21, 2017 at 10:41am

Sell the house, get what you want, go and visit Hawaii and New Orleans for me and find 2 twenty year olds. And oh yeah, Live a good long life, do things and don't be in a hurry to join me.

Comment by Orb101214 on September 20, 2017 at 9:00am

I used to tell my husband for some reason 'If I die young I want you to remarry and be happy. Make sure it is someone good for the kids and she is funny, but not as funny as me.  Just know that when it comes time for you to go and be buried, you will be buried with me and the B*^%$ can sleep next to us.'  He used to roll his eyes and say that wasn't going to happen.  I also used to tell him 'Until death do you part' because he was older then me and the women in my family tend to live long, healthy lives.  I wish I had never said that.  Anyway, by the time we knew he wasn't going to make it, he was no longer able to talk.  Well I guess I knew before that and I told him that if he was too tired and he couldn't fight anymore I would be okay, I didn't want him to hurt anymore.  He did tell me I could take our son to Home Depot for him since that was their favorite thing to do and that he wanted to be cremated under 'under a tree or something.' Which I am so thankful for since he made it so much easier to plan his celebration of life.  I wish we had talked more, I wish I had more direction on where my life should be headed.  The truth is I eventually want to find someone that loves me a portion of the amount I love him because sometimes I think that I may have to battle cancer someday and I want someone to sit by my bed and hold my hand the way I held his. Well the real truth is that I want him to be the one there.

Comment by Callie2 on September 19, 2017 at 1:58pm
Just weeks before my husband passed unexpectedly, he made a strange comment, one out of the blue. He would sometimes say things that I could not understand where he was coming from. He said, one day, that if something happened to him I would have another man here within six months. I was stunned. Told him, I don't think so! I told him I would be done and no one could take his place! Going on nine now. However, just want to say, that hurt me deeply. I often thought about it and still do to this day. I always thought we knew each other so well.

Maybe some things are better left unsaid? I'm just thinking if it were me, I would encourage him to move on with his life and be happy. In reality, some people have a very hard time being alone. We need to be thankful for each day God gives us and we need to do whatever makes us happy. When a spouse dies, we make our own choices and decisions. We do what is best for us. If that means looking for someone to share our lives with, then so be it.
Comment by adoption1964 on September 18, 2017 at 3:50pm

I would want him to be happy, keep our precious memories in his heart.  He is free to move forward in whatever way he comfortable.  I knew my husband didn't like being alone and always said we are not supposed be alone.  When we got the official diagnosis of Stage IV cancer and we were leaving the Oncology department; his way of coping was to tell me he was gets to get to choose my next husband. I told him I would rather have him.  The prognosis was grim. We had a few months to talk about it, but never wanted to have the conversation.  I try and he would say he was fine. He was more afraid of hurting me than dying.  I spent 5 months off and on crying.  It was the giant elephant in the room.  He always love life to the fullest.  

Comment by vintage56(barb) on September 18, 2017 at 5:04am

I think I would tell them, I want them to be happy, and I will always be with them. Frank knew the prognosis was grim but we didn't really talk about him dying or what I would do afterwards. At the end he was not quite lucid but we did manage to have one semi-lucid conversation about signing a DNR, he agreed it was time. I am kind of glad he was not totally with it at the end, as he did not a strong faith and would have been frightened.

I was with him at the very end and when I saw that his breathing was irregular, I told him I loved him, that he was going on a journey to a wonderful place and that his parents and his favorite cousin (who had died a month before) would be there to meet him.

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