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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

To help the widowed, let us talk about our marriages.

My holiday piece for the Huffington Post: If you want to help the widowed, let us talk about our marriages. This came out of a dinner where friends were talking about having a good marriage, but seemed to ignore me whenever I chimed in. That’s George and I in 1983. We were together 32 years.

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Comment by underthefarmhouse on February 10, 2018 at 12:24am

Awesome picture, Debbie!  You two are the cutest in the land, I mean that straight from the heart. I truly love reading your blog, please keep writing. Sending you a hug for the warmth that radiates toward my semi-frozen heart from this picture. 2/17/18 is the second anniversary of Morris' death, and the New England crud-fest of rainy, icy,. snowy weather doesn't make any of us SAD types optimistic.  So I'm trying what I did last year around anniversary time...I sing  80s, 90s and grunge tunes (Pearl Jam only for the "grunge" portion of the program, por favor!) in the supermarket or when I'm just shuffling down the street. Later today I'll go for a walk rain or shine. I'll try James Taylor's "Fire and Rain" and "Shower the :People".  

Wishing us all some peace and calm. 

Comment by The Hungover Widow on January 10, 2018 at 7:57am

What a beautiful story Rainy!

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on January 10, 2018 at 3:40am

Jerry and I weren't married.  Our hearts were and we would have made it legal eventually.  Jerry had some manageable health issues he was 17 yrs my senior.  He was a widow.  His wife had been gone for 7 yrs when I started dating him seriously.  We came together at a time when we both needed a hero.  He was allowing his diabetes to get the best of him and I was just down trodden and depressed.  He taught me to laugh, he taught me what love really is.  I took care of him through several scary moments health wise.  He told everyone that would listen, that I was his hero.  I'd smile and think no baby, you are mine.  He was too.  I never had to worry about anything.  I was loved, I was cherished.  He gave me confidence and taught me to love myself.  He had my back even if I was wrong.  

We had more fun together just laying in bed talking, or doing anything he was just fun.  He made me laugh about something everyday.  When I met him laughter was foreign.  He valued me, my opinions.  I've never had a man value me for me before.  When he walked into a room, I'd smile.  When he'd come home from work I'd grin and lite up.  I could feel it.  His arms where my happy place.  He would ask me where I wanted to go on vacation, and I'd say anywhere my favorite place is your arms.  I meant that too, with all of my heart.  The nice thing is, I know he believed that.  I had him spoiled rotten.  His daughter and I would joke, that I had him so spoiled he'd better hang on to me because no one else would up with him now.  

We were not married but we had a beautiful, wonderful, relationship.  

Comment by soulmate on January 8, 2018 at 11:37am

I just read your piece. It's real and I love it!! (Beautiful picture too!) To be honest I would love a question like this "So David, tell me something different. What did you and your wife struggle with in your marriage? What tested both of you that made you work on your relationship? How did you help each other grow? The reality is that these are not questions most people feel comfortable asking or discussing, but for me, its about..................me and my soulmate!

Comment by Sheryls on January 4, 2018 at 3:28am

so sorry for your loss! What a beautiful couple! You are just about 4 years younger than me. We never expect to be widows so young, do we? I think that is such a hard part of loss, losing ourselves! What do we do now? I know my life was turned upside down in five seconds! Even going to the coffee pot I realized I only need make a half pot now! Every detail changed...

I pray you are finding peace of some measure, as I am...

Comment by Callie2 on December 27, 2017 at 8:22pm

Such a cute young couple!

I don't know what's wrong with some people. Maybe they are afraid if we begin talking about our marriages, we will start crying? However, if you were in a group with other widows/widowers, it would seem quite natural to speak about spouses. We shared many years and have many memories, yet some must feel we should keep it to ourselves and act like it never happened?  Obviously, your friends don't understand but they also lack sensitivity IMO. 

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