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Dealing with emptiness and idle time and low energy

Since I lost my dear husband to liver cancer, December 1, 2016, the first year went by in a haze. Now I am starting year two and it has finally hit me that I will not be seeing Gil anymore. This Christmas was pretty hard. I just went through the motions, but I could not get into the festive activities and parties. I bought a few Christmas sweaters, and a new dress. I did get to wear both of the sweaters. The dress is still sitting behind my bedroom door. 

I don't know why I bought the dress. There are plenty of things to do here in DC, but I don't have any real friends here anymore. I don't like going places by myself. This place is full of stuff to do. Sometimes I feel like that I'm just biding time to get through another day. I don't feel numb and the pain isn't as raw, but some days I just have a weird feeling I can't explain. It can appear out of nowhere and then my energy is zapped followed by a low feeling. Has anyone experienced this?

I have plenty of clothing, but I have resigned myself to wearing jeans and sweaters. That's all I have the energy for. The short and dark cold days aren't helping either. I just want to get out of this funk. 

If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to reply.


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Comment by Bobbysgirl on December 29, 2017 at 4:47am

My husband died July 2013. We were married 53 years. I thought I had adjusted to my new reality. This month my energy is very low and I feel depressed. I have to force myself to do my regular activities, which include yoga and cardio classes at the Y. I feel numb. I had a check up last week with good results, so I am sure it is emotional. We spent many happy holidays, Even though I have good family relationships I feel emptiness now. I hope this mood will lift after the holidays. I force myself to go through the motions. Unfortunately, I don’t have any good suggestions for you, but I wanted to let you know other people share your feelings. You are not alone. Peace to all.

Comment by Callie2 on December 28, 2017 at 7:16pm

It all sounds like grieving to me Peach. There are lots of confusing feelings involved--many peaks and valleys (ups and downs) that will eventually level off.     I have heard many refer to it as a roller coaster or a wild ride which it really is. I think if we only knew how long these feelings will last, we would have a lot less anxiety. Unfortunately, this isn't the case and in fact, grief is not linear. You most likely bounce around for a while before things improve. I'm not sure we can avoid a lot of this except to understand it and be patient with ourselves. It takes time and really a year is not that long.

Your life has changed in a big way and like the rest of us, you may need to find ways to adapt. This might mean making new friends or getting involved in new activities or volunteer work. I know doing things alone may feel uncomfortable at first, but look around for places or events that you feel like you can "blend in". Takes some getting used to at first but after a while, we do. I don't do much driving anymore (especially at night) but there are local activities and places I can go to and not feel uncomfortable. Just getting out and being around other people can help. Most importantly, be good to yourself!

Comment by sandi on December 28, 2017 at 7:03pm

Dear Peach, I am pretty much feeling the same as you.  My hubby died 5/31/16 and Christmas was much harder.  I also bought my self some new clothes, and I have made plans for new years eve with another widow.  We are going to a comedy show if you can believe that, then she leaves for 2 mos in Fla.  I only hope that I can remember how to laugh.  I'm very nervous about it, but I am going to make myself go.  New Years Eve is also my son's 45 birthday, so I just can't sit home thinking and crying all night  I have learned how to kinda get thru the days, but the nights are tough.  I have vey few real friends, so its rare for me to go out.  As for the funk, it seems to be always with me. Just in a daze.  So I know this doesn't help, but you are not alone.

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