Sex - its a funny business; not just the mechanics of it. On one hand, it is the most intimate of all physical relationships possible. It is considered sacred in a committed relationship, and sex outside of marriage is often the catalyst for divorce. On the other, one night stands, booty calls, casual hook ups are considered normal among singles. I guess the two kind of balance each other out. Sex is a physical need and an emotional glue, (and of course a means to procreate). As civilisations, humans have always had some sort of marriage. We recognise the need for a special exclusive relationship and the creation of family. For me, marriage was to the man I chose and loved. We married, had kids, bought a couple of houses, cars, furniture and stuff and built a family. He was the first person I had sex with. I always figured we would grow old together so sex with others wasn't going to be in my experience. Sex was all three things for us. Part of the glue that held us together, a physical release and a means to have kids. Only now, he is gone, and I'm in my early forties and I'd quite like to have sex again. The difference is, right now, I just want the physical release.
The idea of a relationship is the last thing I want. The thought of having to start again, getting to know each other, meeting families, learning trust etc. Yeah...nah! No. Step daddy? No. Me being a step mummy - No! having to break in a new house mate etc? Nope. Reproduction? Absolutely not, I have three sons, I don't want any more!!!!!! But sex? Yeah, I'd like that. Just sometimes, and only on my terms. I'd like the release and the pleasure of being touched and kissed. Problem is, I have no idea how to go about getting it. I haven't been a single adult....ever.I was married when I was 20, to a man I'd known for 5 years. A friend of mine is in her mid 30's and is also a new widow. She and I have had this conversation ALOT. One of her friends thinks we should pay for it, get an escort. Neither of us are keen on that! But we live in what is a large small town where everyone is connected. So a casual hook up from the club one night, is sure to get around town. Even if I did throw caution to the wind and give it a go, I don't even know how! How does one go about meeting a physical need that requires someone else's consent and is of a very personal and intimate nature? I am probably over thinking it. Maybe I need a friend with benefits. But how does one negotiate that? How do you add that element into a friendship without one of you catching feels?
I don't expect you (readers, fellow widow/ers) to have any answers, maybe you do! I just wanted to make sense of my thoughts and it often helps to have it written down. This new life of ours sucks and in ways I hadn't imagined at the start.