So this is going to be a bit of an odd one I think. So I am coming up on my 25th anniversary, and I was walking with a friend through the mall. She roamed off to buy chocolate which didn't surprise me at all :D. I roamed over to the Lego store. Now I hear some of you giggling, I know, weird right? Anyway, I walked in and sitting there on the self was a 50th anniversary Apollo Lander with a Lego mission patch. I tried to turn around and walk out, and I couldn't, I tried not to do it, but I had to. I bought my wife an Apollo Lander for our anniversary. My friend heard me say that and said just tell everyone you bought it for yourself, those of us who knew her will know the truth. But I can't do that. I have bought now 3 gifts for my wife since she died. They are going on shelves never to be opened by me. All of them are Lego or fake Lego kits. My wife was an Aerospace Engineer by degree but worked as an IT Systems Manager. She loved putting together space lego kits, mostly shuttles. Seeing this kit, I just couldn't help it. I had to have it.
I wonder if other people have felt compelled to buy something for their late spouse, something that wasn't like flowers to put at their headstone or to remember them by, but an actual thing that would have really been just for them. I generally manage to stop my desire, I haven't bought any clothing for her, although I have been compelled to consider it a few times, these are things that I can sort of look at and think of her doing. Things that will make me oddly happy for a moment and also sad that she will never get to build them. My goal is to fill one floor to ceiling shelf with the kits she has already built and these few boxed kits and stop there. This will be my display of things, not a shrine but just a place where I keep some special memories and can look at and smile for a moment then pass by.
Gifts are an odd thing, and it is funny that sometimes the best part is giving them. While she will never receive these gifts, the best part is that I got them for her, it gives me a moment of peace knowing that if she were still around I would have done exactly this and she would have smiled at me. She would have laughed at me as I drew parallels to the 50th and 25th we would have been celebrating. Sure the 50th will be in July but close enough at this rate. Sometimes drawing forward old memories of interactions with your person is worth a little money at a Lego store :D.
Keep on keeping on folks. It is a hard journey but I have faith we all will work our way through it as best we can and maybe with the help of each other.