Reluctantly being plunged into a new year without the one and only person who knew me loved unconditionally it feels bitter sweet. No celebrating this year went to bed early hoping to dream of my love. I didnt wanna think about not having him not here to be with us . wishing we had never went to the lake that horrible terrible worse day of our lives. Not just the worse fathers day but the beginning of a start to the first of many horrible days. My sons words resinate in my mind "I never got to say good bye" I felt the same way except my problem is I dont want to say goodbye I.m not ready for you to die. Please God why our family were we not living good enough lives for your plan. I needed my husband and the kids need their dad. We are all lost without him . Not to mention I had been a stay at home mom for 10 years since last time I worked due to child care being so high and not readily available in our area. So needless to say he was our only source of income. So not only did we love a husband father and financial support . It was like imagine the worse thing that could happen to your family did happen. No life insurance and social security denied me and my kids social security I felt like life couldnt get worse then our dog had to be put to sleep cause of tumor and other dog ran away and got hit by a car.This year has been the worse year of my whole life and I dont see how things could be anything but this horrible emptiness I feel most time hopeless and fearful because my husband was our future and I feel like without him I dont have much of a future at all now.I wish we could just do last year over again because this year I wish didnt happen.