I can't believe it's been nearly 17 months since Don died... And guess what? I'm still here. From the outside, I look like I'm doing GREAT... NOT... I feel like I'm in limbo. I can't make decisions. Heck... I need to buy a new mattress and I can't decide on which kind... Do I downsize from my king and go with a queen? I had to buy a new AC... Mine went out... No choice.
I retired almost a year ago. I've had lots of opportunities to do consulting or PT work... But I can't commit... I just can't focus. The fog is still there. I know I should be "moving on" but somehow I'm just stuck in neutral. I go through the motions of life... heck I even have "boyfiend"... It's been a tough year and half. I'm trying to be kind to myself and just breath. But I can't seem to find the energy. I thought the "grief" would get better, but I realized I've just been kidding myself and trying to escape from my pain. Maybe I'll break down and see a counselor. So.. What I've learned is this... Grief is a tricky bastard. It doesn't go away and you can only hide from it for so long... I'm still here... Making it one day at a time.