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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I can't believe it's been nearly 17 months since Don died... And guess what? I'm still here. From the outside, I look like I'm doing GREAT... NOT... I feel like I'm in limbo. I can't make decisions. Heck... I need to buy a new mattress and I can't decide on which kind... Do I downsize from my king and go with a queen? I had to buy a new AC... Mine went out... No choice.
I retired almost a year ago. I've had lots of opportunities to do consulting or PT work... But I can't commit... I just can't focus. The fog is still there. I know I should be "moving on" but somehow I'm just stuck in neutral. I go through the motions of life... heck I even have "boyfiend"... It's been a tough year and half. I'm trying to be kind to myself and just breath. But I can't seem to find the energy. I thought the "grief" would get better, but I realized I've just been kidding myself and trying to escape from my pain. Maybe I'll break down and see a counselor. So.. What I've learned is this... Grief is a tricky bastard. It doesn't go away and you can only hide from it for so long... I'm still here... Making it one day at a time.

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Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on September 11, 2016 at 6:18pm

It doesn't sound like you're stuck, more like the exact words you wrote, "I've just been kidding myself and trying to escape from my pain." Its important you know the purpose of grief is for you to teach yourself how to heal, to explore workable techniques, to help find joy and peace in living b/c grief does not heal on its own. This is the way to moving on. Grief can lay dormant/standstill for months, years, decades, but not w/out mental or emotional or physical consequences or all 3.

I know the searing pain, indecisiveness, confusion, lack of energy -they are just a few symptoms of grief. One of the worst for me was impulse control, I had none. There were times I'd get a wild hair wanting to go out to dance wildly, sing & shout at the top of my lungs or slam the truck into 4WD to tear up the mesa. It took all I had to keep from walking out the door when I felt like I was jumping out of my skin. Arrrgh! No matter the grief issue, you will always survive it even if you do not think you want to at that moment.

Be kind to yourself by making the grief/healing process your #1 priority...

Comment by vintage56(barb) on September 10, 2016 at 10:18am

I know what you mean. I have a hard time making decisions. Frank was always the one to pull the trigger, and say "Let's do it." I did make an offer on a house though, but it was rejected.

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