Here it is 2 years later, I still feel like shit! I try to remain positive, but sometimes I can't imagine ever feeling like my old self again. I suppose I'm setting myself up for failure thinking I could feel like that again. The old me is gone forever, my old life is gone forever. So what now? Will I always feel like this? I hope not, it sucks!! I try to hang on to hope that someday it will be better. But I have my doubts. I hope for hope. I must say some days are better, but the waves still knock me down. I try to fight, swim, and breath. But sometimes it becomes too much, I feel like I'm drowning. Grief is so exhausting! I hate that I still feel like this, I know there's no timeline, but I wonder if this is how it will always be. When I think of the future, it's overwhelming. But I can't help but look to it and wonder. Is there any chance at happiness? Will I ever feel content and secure again? There is so much uncertainty. I will just keep living one day at a time, that's all I'm capable of. I've made it 2 years, I suppose I can keep going whether I like it or not. This is the hand I was dealt, so let's see what comes of it. I'm not going to fold. There is times of joy here and there, so I will just look forward to those times. I'm sorry if I've taken away hope for those not as far out, I don't want to discourage anyone. This is just my feelings for now. There are a lot of days that are better than before, and the physical pain is mostly gone except during hard day's like today. I will keep hope. Hope that year 3 is brighter. And hope for all of my other fellow travelers on this long and winding road of grief. We must keep walking!
Godspeed to us all, Jake