This morning my son greeted me with "Happy sad anniversary, Daddy!" What could I do but hug him and let him know that he was exactly right. Happy, sad, anniversary.
I have such warm memories of September 7th twenty-one years ago that I can never help but smile when I see the wedding photos. But the last 3 Septembers have been brutal without her. Having gone through it twice before let me know that I would survive the day, but I really didn't feel like it. Just felt kind of numb all day, through the back-to back conference calls with people who didn't know Marguerite and had no clue what was going on with me. We would often have a party or go out with friends to celebrate our anniversary, and the first year out I did have friends over since I didn't want to be alone. This year I haven't had the energy.
I'd like to say that it is getting better with time, but I think that is not quite right. It is more like a sharp headache becoming a dull headache. Still painful, but different. I looked at some photos, watched some family videos, had a bit of a cry. Back to my new life tomorrow. Wonder what number 22 will be like.