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21 minus 3
I have such warm memories of September 7th twenty-one years ago that I can never help but smile when I see the wedding photos. But the last 3 Septembers have been brutal without her. Having gone through it twice before let me know that I would survive the day, but I really didn't feel like it. Just felt kind of numb all day, through the back-to back conference calls with people who didn't know Marguerite and had no clue what was going on with me. We would often have a party or go out with friends to celebrate our anniversary, and the first year out I did have friends over since I didn't want to be alone. This year I haven't had the energy.
I'd like to say that it is getting better with time, but I think that is not quite right. It is more like a sharp headache becoming a dull headache. Still painful, but different. I looked at some photos, watched some family videos, had a bit of a cry. Back to my new life tomorrow. Wonder what number 22 will be like.
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Comment by Rook on September 12, 2012 at 12:31am -
Thanks for your comments. It is interesting to find others relating to feelings that still continue to surprise me when I experience them myself. Glad you are all making it to the other side of these painful periods too. We are all apparently stronger than we think.
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Comment by Susan J on September 8, 2012 at 6:30pm -
I thought the third time the birthday and anniversary came around it would be easier. HA! It's different but not better. I like your comparison to the headache. I am coming up on what would have been our 5th anniversary. We were only married 2.5 years when he died. Still on our honeymoon!
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Comment by bj628(Bonnie) on September 8, 2012 at 12:13pm -
Hi Rook, I am so sorry for your loss. Your son sounds adorable. I am a little over 14 months. This is the 2nd time being a widow. Yes the pain is a bit more dull, but still have some really rough days.
Chat is a great way to meet and make friendships here also.
so sorry for the reason you are here, but so glad you found your way here.
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Comment by honeys(puddin) on September 8, 2012 at 8:00am
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I hope you find some comfort soon. I had my 18th Anniversary 3 months after my Honey died. I also had friends over and that was helpful. Not looking forward to the rest of the special days and anniversaries. I am 17 weeks out:(
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Comment by Suz on September 8, 2012 at 2:03am -
HI Rook,
I am Suz, six months out. Welcome to the board...I think. At least I have not met you yet.i am so sorry about the loss of your wife. Seems like you were really devoted from reading through the lines. I love her name, also the name of mu sil. I am struck by your writing and how "brutal" things still feel three yours later. Also by the comparison from a sharp headache to a dull one. It makes sense from what others are saying but year you describe it well and in a way that has meaning to me. I had such a good marriage and loved Jud so dearly that I know part of my will grieve him forever. Just looking forward to the dull!
Very nice blog.
Warmly,
Suz
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