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Here comes the 2nd Christmas. Last Christmas was filled with intense sorrow. Especially during the days leading up to it. Didn’t buy any presents for my children. Didn’t put up a tree.  We spent Christmas day with the in-laws and they did have some nice gifts for the children. I was grateful for that.

So here come the 2nd Christmas. I did buy presents for my children this year. Thought that I would get a tree, but I never did. My son won’t be home until tomorrow afternoon and will probably only be home for a day.  My daughter went away for a couple of days. She will be back home tomorrow.

So I’m not sobbing today like I was one year ago.  I’m not feeling horrible. But I’m certainly not feeling very good at all. Not sure what the right word is to describe it. Melancholy?

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Comment by suebru (Sue) on January 8, 2014 at 11:10am

Hi Mac, Second Christmas for me and I will have to admit, it was definitely more difficult than the 1st Christmas. No sure why other than I trail blazed through that first year and Christmas with so much determination. This year I allowed myself to just sit with the grief and let it be. My prayer has always been for God to allow me to go through the grief, and not around it-and eventually get to the other side. My hope is for a softer 2014 for all of us :-)

Comment by Barbie Doll on December 28, 2013 at 5:36pm

Hi Mac.  Second Christmas for me too and as you know, my husband passed away on Christmas Day.  I woke up on Christmas Eve morning crying.  I just felt so low.  I went to the beach on Christmas Day at noon, the exact moment he passed away, and talked to him.  My son and family came later and spent the last few days with me which was a real lifesaver.  My granddaughter had a cold and unfortunately she left it behind with me:)  It was worth it though:)  I know this sadness will never go away but I hope we all have a much better 2014!

Comment by Mac on December 28, 2013 at 2:54pm
Finally feeling better. Wishing the best for all us in 2014.
Comment by Leslie Dianne on December 26, 2013 at 7:49am

Mac,  I hope you are feeling better. I came down with a cough/viral infection the week before Christmas and I'm still taking medicine, but am feeling a little better.  Since Christmas has come and gone, I'm just looking forward to resting on New Year's. Hope you and your family have a good week.

Comment by Patience on December 25, 2013 at 9:54pm

So sorry you are sick. Hope you feel better very soon.  Second Christmas here as well. Last year we were just happy to be in one piece after Wayne's death in May and the hurricane in October. This Christmas morning,  I actually experienced the physical grief pain of which I've heard other widows speak. I've heard that about 18 months is the low point for widows...  And maybe since it's now the holidays, I might just try to accept that things are not going to feel good these next few days.  

Comment by Leslie Dianne on December 25, 2013 at 9:07pm

This too is our second Christmas without my husband, who passed away suddenly on May 10, 2012 from an undiagnosed Pulmonary Embolism.  We have two daughters (ages 20 & 16). We have always sent out a family Christmas photo card, and we did last year too because we included a picture of a trip we took to Hawaii where my husband spoke at a convention in January 2012 and we also celebrated our oldest daughter's 19th birthday. This year, our 16 year old wanted to include another picture of all 4 of us, so did this we put in a family trip to the beach that was taken during spring break 2012 when our youngest turned 15.  So anyway, I don't know if other people will think it is inappropriate to include my late husband on our family Christmas card, but we did.  Thinking of everyone this holiday season. 

Comment by Leslie Dianne on December 25, 2013 at 9:03pm

Comment by John on December 25, 2013 at 6:48pm

Mac, I hope you feel better, betting ill on Christmas is a bummer for sure.

This two was our 2nd Christmas without my wife.  Last year I feel we were all numb from the prior 6 months of grief and sadness - we went through the motions, as if everything were the same.  This year, has been very different - well sort of - I changed things up, did not stick with exactly the same traditions, but similar since we all like them.  Made it a point to speak about happy memories from past christmas's, this was a great ice-breaker for everyone, after we did that everyone seemed to relax.

the hardest part for me, as my daughter is married to a great guy, and son (who lives at home) works at Starbucks, and he had to work on Christmas morning, and our other relatives are 9 hours away, thus for the 1st time in my life I woke up Christmas morning to an empty house - the silence was so loud - if you know what I mean - I could feel my heart racing thus I had to breathe and chill out - turned on the TV for some noise and decided to get myself together and go have breakfast at my Son's Starbucks store - which turned out to be exactly what I needed and he also needed to see me, we later went to my daughters house and proceeded to have a wonderful day.

Yes the 2nd Christmas is different than the 1st - thank goodness it's past, these milestones and bumps in the road are exhausting for us all,

I wish you all the joy and happiness possible in our newly changed worlds.  thank goodness for this web site, I hate we are here, but thank goodness it's available - because this journey  could be so lonely without it's understand and counsel.

Comment by eliana on December 25, 2013 at 9:19am

This too is my second Christmas without my sweet husband.  Last Christmas was just filled with sorrow, and while there is sorrow this Christmas, it's not the same.  This year there is space for more memories -- happy and sad -- and the possibilities of so many more Christmases without him.  There wasn't room for anything but the sorrow last year.  My heart is most definitely sad and a bit broken again.

I wish you all peace and much healing for your hearts today.  Please be gentle with yourself.

Comment by Sadie on December 25, 2013 at 7:29am
This is the 2nd Christmas without my husband. He passed on 6/12/12. I'm more lost this Christmas than I was last. I guess the fog has lifted and my heart is full of sorrow and loneliness. Cooking dinner for the kids. They won't be here till 4. I woke up this morning crying and haven't really stopped. I'm cooking and setting the table and all but my heart is just so broken. I miss him more than ever. My son put up my tree this year but I never got around to putting any decorations on it. I feel so alone. I don't want to talk to any of my family or friends about it because I don't want to ruin their day with my unrelenting sorrow and sadness. Just feeling so terrible. I wish I would have died with him. I don't see in joy in my future. Never thought I would be this way. I even disappoint myself.......

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