In 35 days my new year will begin. My new year of being a widow. I will finally have closed on my new house and should have moved. I have dealt with countless government agencies and started or stopped various things. I still cry almost every day. It is not as bad as the soul shattering relentless grief of the beginning. However I still find myself screaming into my pillow at times. I have done pretty much nothing people told me to do and stumbled around and did things my own way. I came here instead of counseling and read books. I do not like this new life. I miss my husband so much. However I know there is not hing that can change that. As my new year begins I will search for ways to find a new kind of happiness, it won't be the same but it will do.