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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

It's been exactly 406 days since my Douglas went home..

It seems like it was just yesterday, and at the same time it feels like I haven't seen his handsome face and smile in forever.

First year was a blur of existence for me and I'm grateful for the blur.. It has been a brutal relentless heart ache

Now the loneliness is creeping in.. and the reality of it all

I miss our deep (and not so deep) conversations on



Our grown children

The world in general

I miss everything about him, my best friend. The one person who believed in me and loved so deeply. I felt blessed everyday to have him in my life.

The duality of having to live in a world that doesn't skip a beat, while my world has difficult. It's literally like two different worlds. 

I guess with time , hopefully I will find a place in this world again. I need to find myself, the new me, the one who will emerge when she is ready..

It's going to be a journey and hopefully I thrive and learn to laugh and truly live again.

As for now ,'s like Ground hogs day every day ..and I'm existing and grateful that I have made it this far

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Comment by Maggiepie on January 19, 2020 at 6:31am

Yes, Groundhog is a good way to explain this process of grieving. The world is the same and is not. This rinse and repeat cycle is endless. The first week after hubby passed was brutal. That feeling of loss claws like someone scrape. Every day, reality sets in. I am alone and he is no longer here. As I am usually level-headed, I use commonsense to get through another day. Like talking to myself and hubby. That it's better him (and not me) going first because he would not be able to manage with his health issues and then, grieving on top of that. Especially now that I know what grief feels like. So, I'm grateful too for how things happened the way they did and that I've made it this far. (But I'm still mad!) Okay, time for a hot cup of tea and doing something. Moving and doing helps.

Comment by Lisa_says on January 17, 2020 at 5:14am

Hi Callie2,

Thank you.  Yes there is so much to figure out. So many decisions to make.  It's quite overwhelming still.  I keep telling myself "One day at a time"

Hugs to you

Comment by Callie2 on January 16, 2020 at 1:00pm

Sorry Lisa.  It’s tough.  You are so right about it feeling like another world.  We step outside the life as a wife and into a situation that needs a lot of figuring out.  “How am I going to________?  Whatever the task and who do I call for help?  It’s not something we could have prepared ourselves for. Not having someone to talk to or having someone who actually cares what we think is difficult in the early years but I know I did get used to it in time.

You will get through the grief, be patient and kind to yourself. You’ve gotten through the first year, each year seems to have a different focus.  Many describe the first year as a blur, it’s like we just go through the motions.  They say we need to go through all this pain in order to begin healing, just wish it didn’t take so long!

I don’t think I’ve changed so much except for having a slightly different attitude.  I accept that things aren’t going to be perfect, I am only one person. Maybe you will evolve in other ways. One thing for sure, we tend to have a new appreciation for what is important in life!

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