It's been exactly 406 days since my Douglas went home..
It seems like it was just yesterday, and at the same time it feels like I haven't seen his handsome face and smile in forever.
First year was a blur of existence for me and I'm grateful for the blur.. It has been a brutal relentless heart ache
Now the loneliness is creeping in.. and the reality of it all
I miss our deep (and not so deep) conversations on
Our grown children
The world in general
I miss everything about him, my best friend. The one person who believed in me and loved so deeply. I felt blessed everyday to have him in my life.
The duality of having to live in a world that doesn't skip a beat, while my world has collapsed..is difficult. It's literally like two different worlds.
I guess with time , hopefully I will find a place in this world again. I need to find myself, the new me, the one who will emerge when she is ready..
It's going to be a journey and hopefully I thrive and learn to laugh and truly live again.
As for now , today...it's like Ground hogs day every day ..and I'm existing and grateful that I have made it this far